One of the things I notice on many of the questions in the relationships forum is how it seems that people are near petrified to be alone without a mate. Most don't express it that way, but it shines through. Most of the posts it shines through on are by women. I hate to see the desperation to be with someone start so early. It's a weak basis for staying with a mate when you haven't built up just who YOU are.
Very well said, osso, and I agree.
jesfre, as osso indicates, my main advice is to be alone for a while -- well, not alone, but without a boyfriend. Have tons of friends, male and female, but without the onus of romantic connection. There are lots and lots of other kinds of connection. Not forever, mind you, I'm not telling you to do this for the rest of your life. Just 6 months, say.
If you are utterly unable to do that, my advice is to break up with Dave and see what happens with Mike -- so long as you do not go running back to Dave if it doesn't work out with Mike.
Hooooo weeee, what a rollercoaster.
jesfre- I think Osso and sozobe offer up good advice.
Yes, you are allowed to care about them both. Just get to know them, and you can be happy with them both as good friends. After you know Mike for a while, you will have a better idea of if you really want to try being exclusive with him.
Jesfre, at your age you should plan on having at least ten more years of relationships before you settle on anyone as a life partner. You need that time to find out what you do and don't like in men, and more importantly, how you want to live your life. Only then will you be ready for a lifetime commitment.
This means there will be lots and lots of "Mikes." You will start and end many relationships. Many of the endings will involve tears (like breaking up with "Dave") and some will leave you with regrets, maybe even a heartbreak or two. That's just the way it goes, no way around it. We all go through it, and although it tears us up, we do manage to live through it and move on.
My best advice? Listen to your head before your heart. If your head tells you something is wrong, no amount of feeling can change it...it's wrong.
hmm that makes me think. Eva i understand what your trying to say and really thats what i want. i think my main problem here is that I'm afraid of getting hurt and I'm afraid of making a mistake. this is possible correct ? I don't know I feel selfish because if i do decide to take things further with mike then i know if we don't work out i will want to go running back to dave. I know thats selfish but thats just me. What do you have to say on this ?
There are no mistakes when it comes to love. You do what feels right and that's always the right thing to do. Sometimes things hurt, but the great thing is that with each relationship that failes, you learn how to make the next one better.
To follow up what stuh says, if you had to learn to walk at your age would you not do it because you know you would fall? Sometimes you get banged up a bit but the the payoff at the end is worth it. Don't be stop yourself from starting something because you're worried you might get hurt, it comes with the territory.
