Soulmate?

I am without religious faith. ahem. And yet I do believe in destiny.
How to explain this? Hmm.
Well, destiny is simply the way things are meant to happen. Being in line with the nature order of life. I don't have to believe in God, to believe that there is in fact some intelligence to life. There is intelligence: there is also chaos and the unknown.

That said, we have free will as well. We don't have to 'follow our destinies'. We can try to oppose it, and live that way if we choose.

Soulmate? I used to believe, and I still do in a way.
I believe there are many soulmates out there for everyone.
It is simply someone who we have a deep, almost metaphysical relationship to. Soul-to-soul communication and compatibility/attraction.

Interested to hear what others have to say:)

I think, in order to find/be a soulmate you need to care
for your own soul first. You need to be autonomous and completely in sync with yourself to allow a relationship that is not based on expectations and promises.

Being in a soulful relationship also means to accept it for what
it is, not for what it might be, and only then can we forgo the feelings of guilt and disappointment and enjoy a relationship with all its incompleteness and imperfections.

Soulmates accept and appreciate each others being without
any changes.

As for destiny: it is upon us to take a chance/risk or oppose it. We call it destiny, or it was meant to be, if the outcome is positive and we call it bad luck if it is negative - yet the choice is always made by us, and not by God or
some other supersticious signs.
We, and only we decide if we want to take the chance.

This is a big question and I only have time for one little thought right now, I'll be back later to add more...

I think Stray hit the nail on the head with the observation that we hear people, here on the RM board and in real life as well, use the "but s/he's my soulmate!" thing to excuse the temptation to cheat or to leave a long-time partner. They can't be expected to be responsible to the one they're with, because the new person is their true soulmate, at last!!! *hearts*flowers*googoo eyes*
It sounds a lot better than just admitting you're bored with your current partner and unwilling to work on that relationship.

More thoughts later....

Stray Cat noted:



As the word "soulmates" is frequently used on A2K, it seems to mean that the spiritual bond between the adulterous lovers is so strong that it trumps any marriage vows.


As I remember the notion of "soulmate" originally meant a pure, Platonic love without carnal attraction.

Do I believe that God/The Goddess has destined two souls for each other and only for each other?

No.

Do I believe that two people have beliefs and values and ethics that harmonize creating a union that is greater than either person alone?

Sure. This is a successful marriage, even if neither party seems to be particularly spiritual.

Like Stray Cat, I am a Catholic as well (I used to practice more fervently than I do now, but more on that elsewhere). At any rate, I do love God, but I dont see Him as force that controls the outcomes of our lives. We are given free will, according to my belief system, and I don't think that God does much to interfere with that. Sure, he gives us opportunities, such as meeting new people who spark our interests, and can be compatable.

I tend to think, though, that there is no such thing as the perfect match, therefore no such thing as soulmates. One, because God made us each as individuals, with individual needs and desires, with individual souls. Two, because people are imperfect and everybody has flaws that mean that they are not "perfect" for somebody else. Yet, it is very clear that some people do find the one person that makes them happiest.

Maybe there are multiple people who can do this for us. Love has more to do with commonalities, mutual respect for differences, and acceptance of hard times, than it has to do with some incredible feeling that passes between the lovers when they look each other in the eyes. Lets face it, those feelings are fleeting. I dont think I would want to love my future husband in that flowery, excited, passionate way for my whole life. There is more to successful relationships than "sparks," which leads me to conclude that there are no soulmates.

Love is a bargain in a way, it is a compromise. But we can love people the most who we have to compromise the least for, and maybe thats what people see as the soulmate - simple compatability.

Wow, everybody! Thanks for all of your great comments.





Yep. That's my take on it. I mean, the way many people today use the word "soulmate." I think people often hide behind that word to justify themselves.



Yes, Noddy. I thought a "soulmate" originally meant someone who was a very close friend -- or even a mentor. Especially a mentor. I think it only recently evolved into being used to describe a love interest.

At any rate, I'm pretty sure the concept of a "soulmate" was created by the poets -- rather than having any biblical roots.

Even though I have a religious faith, I find it difficult to believe that God is hovering over us -- pushing us towards the "one" person we were meant for -- and will make sure we wind up with that person, no matter what!

I just don't think it works that way. But it's really amazing how people who would scoff at the idea of anything being "pre-ordained" in any other aspect of their lives -- will talk themselves into believing that one!

I've always wondered -- what if someone else comes along and believes that your spouse is their soulmate? Does that mean they are justified in taking your spouse away from you?

I think it's very possible to be strongly attracted to someone. To feel that this person is very special in that they seem to understand you, and connect with you in a way that very few people do. And I admit, you don't run in to people like that every day.

But I don't accept the notion that there is a "one and only" for each person. I think there are at least several people with whom you could have that special relationship. Just because they're hard to find doesn't mean they don't exist.

I'd rather hear someone just come out and say, "I was deeply attracted to this person. I never met anyone else who I felt understood me, and "clicked" with me in the same way. So I did whatever it took to be with them. Even if it meant being a bastid."

At least, that's honest. But don't drag in the word "soulmate" and try to make it sound all "lofty" and "above-the-rules." You were just so driven by destiny that you couldn't help yourself -- which conveniently lets you off the hook.

It's also interesting to me that there are many here who don't have any particular religious faith -- and yet still accept the idea of destiny (along with free choice, of course).

I do have a religious faith, and yet I also believe that we must make our own choices. Even though I believe there is a God in Heaven who loves us, and that we are often deliberately presented with certain situations and challenges, we must make our own choices. We are given opportunities to learn from an experience -- or not. It's up to us whether we do or not.

In this weary world there is a lot more to a successful marriage than souls understanding and blending and meshing.

There are bills and unexpected bills and car repairs and in laws and children and landlords and next door neighbors and employers....

Romantic love is wonderful, but both parties need a grasp on nitty-gritty reality for a romantic relationship to flourish.

Perhaps there are many people who we could be infatuated with, and love in that poetic way of the Elizabethan Sonnets. But, I agree with Noddy, that love is more about everyday compatability. And love alone doesn't create happiness. We need to find happiness within ourselves, whether it be in our child-rearing, or in our carreers, or in our associations with friends, our intellectual exchanges, our shower routines, whatever. Comfort within the self is what leads to comfort with another person. I realize I am digressing a bit here, but it is important to keep in mind that perhaps we can use the word soulmate to describe that passionate love that we'll always regret walking away from in a small way. But the truth is, there is a reason we walked away. Passion doesn't buy a future.

Just for the sake of giving the other side of the coin (even though I do understand the general theme and agree as well) I have to say that Passion is Soo Important. At least to me.
A Love without Passion would be....bleh. How long could that last?!
Granted, I am a passionate person to the exclusion of my good senses in many cases. Still, mutual passion (not just infactuation but a melting of two passionate people) is a must! It keeps me interested, it opens up my love, and makes me want to work when things get tough.
Besides, a like romance. I like being/having a muse. I like all that stuff and would trade in a solid relationship without it anyday for one year in the throes of mystical love.

I guess I'm just saying that there is a mysterious element to love and that includes passion. The nuts n' bolts are important; but without that 'soul' and romance.....well, just count me out!
>>Bracing myself to grow old with my pets<<

thats reasonable, and I am generally a romantic too. Or at least I used to be until it got me into trouble with my relationships. I agree that relationships without any passion are pointless because then it is glorified friendship. But, you cannot build a future on the concept of a "muse"

I agree as well with the above, to add another side to the coin or probably look a little more at the other side is to define passion. Not everyone views passion as that feeling of always loveing eachother without problems. Some people need to be pissed off and need to be given their space and even need to get into arguements. I've seen relationships that i would have nothing to do with but when you take your views away from it you see two people that just shouldn't be apart.

Hi,

I'm non-denom Christian, but it has nothing to do really with my opinion of what soul mate is and means.
mate could be romantic partner, could also be friend. Many cultures refer to their platonic friends as mate.
I believe it to be synoymous with the term "kindred spirit"

Soulmate in terms of that one true love, etc - is overused and abused by today's society, imho.

I agree with Rebeccat
Rebeccat put this well. (could be romantic partner, could also be friend. Many cultures refer to their platonic friends as mate.
I believe it to be synoymous with the term "kindred spirit" ).
I am of the Christian faith and I believe God puts everybody in your life for a reason. Likewise, certain people can be near and dear to your heart for life without you having to be married to them.

Re: Soulmate?????
i have to hurry so i didnt read some of what you wrote.. i skimmed over it... but i read it... in a way..
but right now i am talking to my SOULMATE online..
and yes i said SOULMATE
because soulmates exist
soulmates just match you in every way
for example: this is NOT a soulmate- what if the guy loves to travel, hike, etc butt he woman likes to stay at home and sew?
they arent meant to be!
or if a woman loves t party and go out with friends, but the guy is a stay at home watching tv kind of guy- ehhh.. nope!
but if two both like to do the same things, share the same interests, etc.. they fit perfectly- like a puzzle piece!
that's just love!

-yet love isnt so simple-

like right now.. *sigh*

good nite people!

okay, loveislikearose, what if you have everything in common, but you aren't in love. Maybe there isn't a physical attraction, or maybe one of the partners is the type that likes to be with somebody who has something new to offer (i.e. different interests than their own), by your definition, these two are soulmates. I don't believe in this one person for everybody idea that is so prevalent. And I also don't think that just having things in common necessarily predisposes you to be "soul mates."

Having everything in common predisposes me to absolute boredom.

I have some thinking to do on this concept of soulmate. I might have one. Or I could just be working out some weird karma.

The concept of a soulmate is a myth.

You have people that you can get along with spectacularly, but that doesn't equate to them being the perfect marriage partner for you, or the love of your life even. At the outset of every relationship, be it friend, lover or more, there is established a set of preconceived notions about how the relationship will carry through.

People tend to attribute the majority of those notions being met to this person being a Soul Mate. In all actuality, this is the result more of compromise and luck than anything preordained. Good work and the intelligent and careful handling of one another's feelings leads towards happy relationships, not fate.

To me a soulmate is someone who challenges you and complements you at the same time. Someone who loves you, inside and out, the gross and the dark parts and helps you learn more about yourself and the world. A soulmate doesn't have to be the opposite sex. A soulmate is someone who you feel a particularily strong bond to.

Loveis, I think your notion of "soulmate" is one from someone very young. Having the same likes and dislikes doesn't make a successful marriage. It makes a boring marriage. Love doesn't need exactness to work. In fact, most marriages I've seen have almost exact opposites. People who fill in the gap in the other. If you are expecting to make a relationship work based on the criteria you gave us you are in for a very big disappointment.

That's what a soul mate is to me. Someone who fills in my gaps and makes me a better person. Someone who tells me the truth, no matter what. Someone who pushes me to accept the things I don't want to accept. Someone who supports me no matter the decision I make and helps me acheive my goals. Someone like my husband, who I don't always "like" for the things he does and says but I always love deeply and appreciate in the end.

meant to be together...


yeah, i agree that having things in common doesnt mean love it could mean friendship, or just having somethign to talk about. but there may be no love.
in my case, not everything is in common, we just usually share the same thoughts, most of the same plans for the future, and that shows that we are somehow made to be together.
there are some people who marry thinking that "oh we have everything in common, we'll live happily ever after", but then they have problems.
Two people must first agree with things, like plans for the future, plans for life, but not agree with everything, just so there wont be arguements.


Well, ok i'm hungry. Gonna go eat. Talk to you later! :wink:
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