Reply
Wed 7 Sep, 2005 10:12 pm
50 things guys wish girls knew......
1. If you want to cuddle after sex go buy a teddy bear.
2. Swallow. Don't start the race if you ain't gonna finish it.
3. While giving a hand job please remove all rings from your fingers, they hurt really bad.
4. Shave your ****. Seriously, shave it bald.
5. Remember that a little blood never hurt nobody.
6. There is no such thing as a fat, ugly, blow job.
7. If you ask us to any sort of dance that requires that we wear a tie, we expect a sexual favor in return.
8. If you used a vibrator and let us watch it might be the greatest moment of our life.
9. If you wonder why we will not eat you out it is most likely because; it stinks, its hairy, or it stinks and its hairy.
10. You masturbate and we know it. When you do it just let us watch.
11. Birth control is the best invention ever. Start poppin those bitches.
12. Just cause we call you when we are drunk does not mean that we like you. It means that we need some ass.
`13. Guys night out means guys night out. It doesn't mean that you and your friends meet us at the bar later.
14. If you wonder why your ass looks fat in those tight pants its because you have a fat ass.
15. If you are with us and you start to cry for any reason just get up and leave.
16. Don't think that we don't know that after we take you out and you order a salad to make us think you eat healthy that you go home and order pizza with your fat friends.
17. Once again, seriously shave your ****.
18. Just cause you get our dick one night, does not give you any right to get it the next.
19. If we drink too much, we do not need someone to hold our hair back and act like our babysitter. We have puked before and know how to handle it.
20. After we are through with you, do not expect to make us jealous by ******* our friends. We really don't care what you do.
21. If we cheat on you and you never find out about it, then its not cheating.
22. If we cheat on you and you do find out, at least it wasn't with one of your friends.
23. Swallow(just in case you forgot #2 already).
24. We don't have a problem with watching chick flicks as long as we get in your pants after.
25. Never under any circumstance take a **** while you are around us or fart. Just thinking about it makes us sick.
26. While giving us head don't be afraid to fondle our testicles, they don't bite.
27. If you are gonna jerk us off aim properly, a nut can irritate your eye.
28. Always remember that men are the superior sex and back in the day you had to ask us if you could speak.
29. If we're about to have sex and we decline because we don't have a rubber its not because we're scared we're gonna get you pregnant, its that we're scared we're gonna catch something from your dirty skank ass.
30. If you swallow like you should, do not expect us to kiss you after. Sorry that's just the way it is.
31. I don't care if you do have a flavored condom, you just don't give a blow job with a condom on. Would you like us to eat you out with a dental damn?? I didn't think so.
32. If we're doing it doggy style there is no reason to turn around and look at us, we're focused on your ass cheeks and that slapping sound.
33. Blood stains on our bed sheets come off with cold water, so make sure you scrub them thoroughly before leaving.
34. When we go down on you to munch on your rug and we instantly start sucking on the inner thighs rather than the clit, its because your clit smells like a dead trout.
35. If you let us donkey punch you we will owe you for life.
36. Just cause we have sex with you when we are drunk does not mean that you are pretty or that we like you. It means that you were our only choice.
37. If we dance with you for more than 15 minutes at a bar we expect you to come home with us.
38. If you think that you are ugly, we probably do too.
39. Don't count on us saying we love you, its just not going to happen.
40. If for some reason we do say we love you its only because we want to have sex immediately after we say it.
41. Just cause you have our phone number doesn't mean we want you to call us. If we want to talk then we will call you.
42. If you invite us over to watch a movie it would be awesome if we watched a porn instead of a movie.
43. If you can't dance then you most likely suck in bed. So stop trying to dance and start having more sex.
44. Hmmmmm......girls in thongs.......yummmmmmmmmm
45. If you are fat the only way you are going to get anywhere in life is to give great blow jobs. Sorry that's just the way it is.
46. A sure way to keep a guy around for awhile is to have anal sex with him. We can't put into words how it feels.
47. You don't have to ask our permission to make out with another chick. Just do it but make sure we are there to watch.
48. In case you didn't read #4 and #17 let me repeat...Shave your ****!
49. Guys don't have sex or make love, we ****.
50. You can impress us if you can swallow our entire load without dripping or wiping your mouth afterwards.
I hate to tell you, but none of it is humorous.
It's all rather pathetic, ain't it?
Yeah, that's about as original and clever as a drunk moron at a frat party.
In the student ghetto just south of the Ohio State University, on High Street, was an old house of the kind which gets rented out to six or eight students. They had a large sign which read: "No Fat Chicks." They also had a couple of sofas on the porch, on which one could always see young men sitting, morosely slugging down beers and making rude comments to passersby.
Yeah, i bet those boys were real sexual heros . . .
I agree with the others. Not funny at all!
yes i know... the real joke here is the joke, if you know what i mean.
btw this is a post i found at another forum, not my opinions - so standard disclaimers apply.
That was hilarious but only coz I was laughing at the guys that believe in all of that!!
Sadly deep down i think all guys think like that.
That is why WE are the superior race.
Re: 50 things guys wish girls knew
brahmin wrote:50 things guys wish girls knew......
1. If you want to cuddle after sex go buy a teddy bear.
OK
2. Swallow. Don't start the race if you ain't gonna finish it.
WE WILL DECIDE ON THAT
3. While giving a hand job please remove all rings from your fingers, they hurt really bad.
NO
4. Shave your ****. Seriously, shave it bald.
YOU FIRST,ITS NOT NICE FOR US EITHER
5. Remember that a little blood never hurt nobody.
SO YOU WONT MIND US HITTING YOU THEN
6. There is no such thing as a fat, ugly, blow job.
JUST FAT UGLE BLOKES
7. If you ask us to any sort of dance that requires that we wear a tie, we expect a sexual favor in return.
OK BUT DONT EMBARRASS US AT THE DANCE
8. If you used a vibrator and let us watch it might be the greatest moment of our life.
IF YOUR LUCKY
9. If you wonder why we will not eat you out it is most likely because; it stinks, its hairy, or it stinks and its hairy.
SO
10. You masturbate and we know it. When you do it just let us watch.
SEE 8
11. Birth control is the best invention ever. Start poppin those bitches.
WE AGREE
12. Just cause we call you when we are drunk does not mean that we like you. It means that we need some ass.
WE KNOW
`13. Guys night out means guys night out. It doesn't mean that you and your friends meet us at the bar later.
THATS OK, WERE OUT HAVING FUN WITHOUT YOU
14. If you wonder why your ass looks fat in those tight pants its because you have a fat ass.
ITS BEHIND ME, I CANT SEE IT, SO IT DOESNT BOTHER ME.
15. If you are with us and you start to cry for any reason just get up and leave.
NO
16. Don't think that we don't know that after we take you out and you order a salad to make us think you eat healthy that you go home and order pizza with your fat friends.
WHICH YOU SHOULD PAY FOR
17. Once again, seriously shave your ****.
ONCE AGAIN, YOU FIRST.
18. Just cause you get our dick one night, does not give you any right to get it the next.
OK, WE WILL LOOK FOR SOMEONE ELSE, LIKE YOU GUYS DO.
19. If we drink too much, we do not need someone to hold our hair back and act like our babysitter. We have puked before and know how to handle it.
IF YOU HAVE LONG ENOUGH HAIR TO HOLD BACK IT MEANS YOU HAVE GIRLS HAIR.STOP COPYING US.
20. After we are through with you, do not expect to make us jealous by **** our friends. We really don't care what you do.
YES YOU DO, YOUJUST HIDE IT BY GETTING DRUNK AND ****ING OTHER PEOPLE(WHILST DRUNK)
21. If we cheat on you and you never find out about it, then its not cheating.
YES IT IS, IT JUST MEANS WE DONT THINK YOUR THAT MUCH OF A TW*T.
22. If we cheat on you and you do find out, at least it wasn't with one of your friends.
THIS CONFIRMS YOUR TW*TISHNESS.
23. Swallow(just in case you forgot #2 already).
SEE ANSWER 2 INCASE YOU FORGOT
24. We don't have a problem with watching chick flicks as long as we get in your pants after.
OK
25. Never under any circumstance take a **** while you are around us or fart. Just thinking about it makes us sick.
SO, DO YOU THINK WE LIKE IT WHEN YOU DO IT
26. While giving us head don't be afraid to fondle our testicles, they don't bite.
BUT WE DO.
27. If you are gonna jerk us off aim properly, a nut can irritate your eye.
THANKS FOR THE WARNING, SEE, YOU DO CARE.
28. Always remember that men are the superior sex and back in the day you had to ask us if you could speak.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
29. If we're about to have sex and we decline because we don't have a rubber its not because we're scared we're gonna get you pregnant, its that we're scared we're gonna catch something from your dirty skank ass.
THAT A GUY LIKE YOU PROBABLY PASSED ONTO US
30. If you swallow like you should, do not expect us to kiss you after. Sorry that's just the way it is.
THEN WE WONT SWALLOW, OR KISS YOU
31. I don't care if you do have a flavored condom, you just don't give a blow job with a condom on. Would you like us to eat you out with a dental damn?? I didn't think so.
IGNORE THE GUY,USE CONDOMS.
32. If we're doing it doggy style there is no reason to turn around and look at us, we're focused on your ass cheeks and that slapping sound.
WE HAVE TO TURN AROUND, JUST TO CHECK IF YOUR STILL THERE COZ WE CANT FEEL ANYTHING IN THERE.
33. Blood stains on our bed sheets come off with cold water, so make sure you scrub them thoroughly before leaving.
MAYBE YOU COULD BRING PLASTERS FOR AFTER WE HIT YOU.
34. When we go down on you to munch on your rug and we instantly start sucking on the inner thighs rather than the clit, its because your clit smells like a dead trout.
OR YUO JUST DONT KNOW WHERE THE CLIT IS
35. If you let us donkey punch you we will owe you for life
DONKEY PUNCH!iT WORRIES ME THAT GUYS THINK ABOUT ANIMALS DURING SEX
36. Just cause we have sex with you when we are drunk does not mean that you are pretty or that we like you. It means that you were our only choice.
WE THINK THE SAME OF YOU, EXCEPT WE PLACED A BET THAT WE COULD PULL YOU, SO AT LEAST WE MADE MONEY ON YOU BEING EASY.
37. If we dance with you for more than 15 minutes at a bar we expect you to come home with us.
IF YOU CALL THAT DANCING
38. If you think that you are ugly, we probably do too.
BOTHERED
39. Don't count on us saying we love you, its just not going to happen.
OK
40. If for some reason we do say we love you its only because we want to have sex immediately after we say it.
OK, AT LEAST YOU HAD THE HEART TO PRETEND
41. Just cause you have our phone number doesn't mean we want you to call us. If we want to talk then we will call you.
THEN WHY GIVE US YOUR NUMBER, ARNT YOU SUPPOSED TO TREAT US MEAN
42. If you invite us over to watch a movie it would be awesome if we watched a porn instead of a movie.
OK
43. If you can't dance then you most likely suck in bed. So stop trying to dance and start having more sex.
IS THAT WHY GUYS DANCE SO BADLY
44. Hmmmmm......girls in thongs.......yummmmmmmmmm
MMMMMM, NAKED OILED UP, MALE MODELS WITH SIX PACKS AND MONEY
45. If you are fat the only way you are going to get anywhere in life is to give great blow jobs. Sorry that's just the way it is.
IF GUYS ARE FAT,THATS IT,THEY DONT HAVE ANY WAY TO IMPROVE THEMSELVES
46. A sure way to keep a guy around for awhile is to have anal sex with him. We can't put into words how it feels.
YOU MEAN YOUR GAY
47. You don't have to ask our permission to make out with another chick. Just do it but make sure we are there to watch.
OK, BUT WE WONT LET YOU WATCH
48. In case you didn't read #4 and #17 let me repeat...Shave your ****!
MAYBE YOU COULD WAX YOUR AREA.
49. Guys don't have sex or make love, we ****.
WE KNOW
50. You can impress us if you can swallow our entire load without dripping or wiping your mouth afterwards.
YOU CAN IMPRESS US BY....ERM.....NO, IM STUMPED ON THAT ONE.
brahmin wrote:yes i know... the real joke here is the joke, if you know what i mean.
btw this is a post i found at another forum, not my opinions - so standard disclaimers apply.
In this case, I'm shooting the messenger!
3lbs Potoatoes
2lbs Carrots (organic)
2lbs Onions
4 lean lamb chops
1 bunch of Oregano
1 tin of black shoe polish
1 canister of Athletes foot powder
1 bottle of Corvoisier
2 jars of fois gras
1 multipack of quilted toilet tissue
Please deliver on Tuesday.
Sorry about that, I appear to have logged onto the wrong website.
There is NO proper website for THAT.
I agree. Not funny. Expected to see some witty battle of the sexes joke but got...teenage boy crap.
Gee, I really liked men until I saw that.
I was referring to the Ellpus recipe.
However, I am not of a markedly different mind re the other stuff.
Wow that was the funniest thing I ever heard, NOT.... but sadly I do know men like that, or should I say boys like that... and I have had to take them out back and give them a swift kick in the nuts.... they are superior... HAHAHA now that's funny... them superior... Ahhhh it feels good to laugh
dlowan wrote:I was referring to the Ellpus recipe.
However, I am not of a markedly different mind re the other stuff.
I thought the Lord's list to be very erotic.
"1 canister of Athletes foot powder" With very large print!
I meant: With very large print on the canister!
Dear Ms East, I would like to know how your "foot powder" came out as normal, whereas mine came out in bold print?
Is it possible that Craven wished to bring to everyone's attention, the ONE embarrassing item of shopping, which I posted in error?
yours
Ellpus.
P.S. Changing the subject completely, my cat came in about half an hour ago, looking rather wrinkled.
After twenty minutes with the Iron set on "Cotton", she has turned out rather well, dont you think?
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace