Question in talking to multiple guys initally.

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I was talking to a guy for 6 months since May. he got serious pretty fast, told his parents before we even first met, told me he loved me after a month. I had to be careful it wasnt just love bombing. So that time i was also talking to another guy and stopped with him end of June. This guy in July tells me he wants to get married soon and asked if i was talking to anyone else. I told him i was but have since stopped, tho he msgs n i have to just let him know I'm not interested anymore. I told this guy straight up and he was initally upset but later ok. Now for 4 months our relationship progressed so well, i met his parents, we discussed marriage plans etc. Few days ago, after a nice day he started questioning me on that guy and blew up saying everytime he asks me my story changes on when we last talked and that I played him and lied. He forced me to show my phone history with him and i did, which showed june was the last we talked. He started comparing our msgs from those days saying oh this was the day i came to see u , this day i got you choclate and u were talkin to him still and 1 hr phone call on this day n this day. Made me feel like garbage. I never even met that first guy in person.

I said to him i told you i was talking to someone when u asked in July honestly but stopped months ago. It took time for me to be on the same pg as u. He was grilling me and calling me a liar. I started crying and i never cry. He said i dont care how this made him feel that he was in love and serious, whereas i was exploring other options..and now we have stopped talking.

Honestly, was it wrong of me to have been talking to 2 guys at the same time in the beginning two months? i never claimed to be exclusive but he says titles dont matter. I should have known he was serious from the getgo and he already told me he loved me and all. I made a mistake even telling him i know.

This is just so distressing. We are both divorced and in our 30s. I tried to explain thats how it is in the beginning with pple u meet on the apps but he disagrees and feels played. What do u ladies think? Was i wrong and is he right to feel betrayed?

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As your story was told, it seems to me you did all the right things. You might need to rethink a relationship with someone so lacking in understanding. You don't need to spend your life explaining and getting hollered at.

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@Hurtingalot ,

You didn't do anything wrong. He's just being a jerk.

And if he gets this nasty about something that is (a) in the past, (b) minor no matter what he says, (c ) something he should expect when first dating someone, and (d) was done with no malice, then how the hell is he going to behave if you burn dinner or are late coming home from work?

The fact that he had this simmering in him and brought it up later, to my mind, makes this even worse.

I honestly think you were being love bombed. All of this feels right out of an abuser's playbook.

You dodged a bullet.

And next time, tell anyone you're talking to that you have a hard and fast rule about not becoming exclusive, not meeting family, not saying, 'I love you', and not talking marriage until at least 6 calendar months have elapsed.

And stick by it, or something like it. It's lovely to hear 'I love you' and talk of marriage. But this guy was obviously rushing you, as if he had a meter running.

You've been married and divorced before (in all honesty, I thought you were two teenagers, given his behavior). You know the old saying, Marry in haste, repent at leisure? Let that be your guiding principle in this.

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@Hurtingalot ,

I agree wholeheartedly with what Jespah wrote. I don’t understand a few things about the level of involvement and seeing one another. Were you ever on dates and meeting?

I’ve a serious concern about you wrote : Why would you agree to showing him your phone. What right does have to demand that? Know your boundaries and make sure that anyone who you’re dating knows them too. Badgering you and belittling you is way out of line. Thats a serious abuse.

Furthermore, on your previous post 7 years ago, you talk about your past marriage and the abusive relationship with your ex-husband. Please don’t repeat the same mistake.

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Question in talking to multiple guys initally.

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