Pill versus bf - should i go on the pill to keep my man?

Re: Pill versus bf - should i go on the pill to keep my man?

confused girl wrote:

...i have since discovered that my aunts fertility problems are down to the pill which has obviously put serious doubts in my mind

<snip>

...it had been confirmed that she will never have children and its all down to the pill.

I've never heard of such a thing... is this true?

I have heard of temporary problems getting pregnant after getting off the pill, but never permanent fertility issues.

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You should probably speak to a doctor - and clarify why your aunt's current fertility problems are felt to be related to BCP - it may not be a factor for you.

Look at all the available options are - you'll need to know them whether or not you continue with the current fella.

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yea, your aunt may be a rare cause. That doesnt necessarily mean it will happen to you. Although for peace of mind, go to a doctor and ask questions.

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How can anything that so drastically impacts one's body chemistry be good? Don't put your system through something like this unnecessarily; especially at such a young age.

Good thing you're in charge of your own body...

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with all due respect jpinMilwaukee, i would not say it if it wasnt true,

the Doctors have pinpointed the pill to be the cause of my aunties infertility. and i know that it is rare but the mere fact that it is in my immediate family i feel is a cause for concern. no one else in my family has ever been on it so we have no way of knowing just how isolated my aunties reaction to it is.

and yeah i will look into other forms incase this ever proves an issue again, thanks :0)

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Hey confusedgirl,

I just want to ask what made you post on the forum about this? You made a smart move by telling him there would be no sex if the situation wasn't comfortable to you.
Often, when we ask questions like this, we have a gut feeling that something is not right, and we just need support.

I really hope you keep listening to that instinct, because it almost always lets us know when there is a problem.

>>
Condoms with antispermicidal lube/gel would be plenty effective.
There is no need for every woman to go on the pill or take a shot (which may be an option for you).

However, I would definetly dump this guy. Then, choose the type of birth control that is right for you for future relationships. Be ready beforehand.

I think condoms are a must no matter what: there is not just pregnancy to consider, but STD's ! I'm not trying to scare you: it is just a fact of life of being sexually active.

cheers Very Happy

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subtleone wrote:

How can anything that so drastically impacts one's body chemistry be good? Don't put your system through something like this unnecessarily; especially at such a young age.

Good thing you're in charge of your own body...

yeah, instead have a baby every 9 months, which is definetely better for ur body than pills. How silly Rolling Eyes

I think the problem is in the guy, not in the pill. Twisted Evil

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NoNe wrote:

subtleone wrote:
How can anything that so drastically impacts one's body chemistry be good? Don't put your system through something like this unnecessarily; especially at such a young age.

Good thing you're in charge of your own body...
yeah, instead have a baby every 9 months, which is definetely better for ur body than pills. How silly
I think the problem is in the guy, not in the pill.

I focused on the pill because confused girl's original question was:

"should I go on the pill to keep my boyfriend?"

My comment was advocating against the pill. Those who have a brain realize that, following her original proposal, no pill equals no boyfriend.

This is a place to help those seeking advice, not criticize those aiming to do so.

Back off.

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subtleone wrote:

NoNe wrote:
subtleone wrote:
How can anything that so drastically impacts one's body chemistry be good? Don't put your system through something like this unnecessarily; especially at such a young age.

Good thing you're in charge of your own body...
yeah, instead have a baby every 9 months, which is definetely better for ur body than pills. How silly
I think the problem is in the guy, not in the pill.

I focused on the pill because confused girl's original question was:

"should I go on the pill to keep my boyfriend?"

My comment was advocating against the pill. Those who have a brain realize that, following her original proposal, no pill equals no boyfriend.

This is a place to help those seeking advice, not criticize those aiming to do so.

Back off.

ouch, did it hurt that much? sorry, did not mean to. sometimes I am in a very good mood, did not know somebody can be so sensitive. sorry!!! Surprised

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Re: Pill versus bf - should i go on the pill to keep my man?

Bella Dea wrote:

confused girl wrote:

he asked what would happen so i said well we just wont have sex.

he then said that sex is one of the things that holds most relationships together, but if were not having sex we might as well just be friends.

that really hurt me because he says he loves me - surely love is enough.

x

Love isn't enough but sex isn't the thing that hold relationships together. Run. Run as fast as you can from this guy. He doesn't love you enough to respect you. And respect is very important in a relationship.

ditto for me

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So he won't have sex with you, using a condom...or it's you that won't have sex with him using only a condom?

If you're refusing sex, and he wants out, I wouldn't call this guy a twit. I'd never be in a relationship without sex. Then you are just friends.

If he's refusing to have sex with you using only a condom, then he's not too bright. You may ask him to reconsider, since they're a pretty effective method of birth control.

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I apologize to NoNe. Living in the excessively urban city of angels is getting to me. Big time.

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subtleone wrote:

I apologize to NoNe. Living in the excessively urban city of angels is getting to me. Big time.

Oh cmmon))
Razz

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Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:

If you're refusing sex, and he wants out, I wouldn't call this guy a twit. I'd never be in a relationship without sex. Then you are just friends.

.

Slappy you are such a playa. :wink:

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So, what is the outcome of this story?

How old are you anyway? Did I miss that? Flushd is right. Be prepared ahead of time so that when you do decide to have sex, there isn't a period where you are unprotected. The pill is designed with the woman's freedom of choice in mind. If you are old enough to be thinking of sex, you are old enough to be on the pill. Perhaps talk to your doctor about getting on. It can regulate your periods, decrease your risk of ovarian cancer and provide you with effective birth control.

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The outcome is that i am sticking to my guns. i am not comfortable with doing anything that messes with my body's natural hormonal cycle

im 18

slappy there is more to a relationship than sex...i dont agree that you are just friends....because surely then that means all he is with me for is sex...great!

i want to be in a relationship where sex isnt the be all and end all. a loving relationship between bf and gf doesnt have to involve sex at all. i want to be more important to him than sex, if sex is more important than in my opinion he just doesnt care about me enough to be worth being with.

it was actually his birthday yesterday, and he told me...(he doesnt know i was considering going on the pill) that he thinks we can work and there IS more to us than sex...

and better yet, without any hinting from my part on what i wanted to hear he turned to me when we were in bed that night
(i stayed over in his and his brothers room)
and he put his arms round me and apologised for pressuring me to go on the pill, and he said to me that he wants me to know i mean more to him than sex and he doesnt want to lose me because of this.

sex isnt the be all and end all of a relationship and i am sticking to that.
i will never give myself to a man who doesnt value me higher than sex.

his twin brother has actually opted for celibacy rather than risk parenthood.

(btw getting quite argumentative in this arent we?)

slightly confused by whoever asked me why i posted in this forum???

did i do the wrong thing?

is this not a place where someone can turn to for advice and support?

sorry if i sound rude, i just thought that i could find help and advice here...didnt mean to do the post thing wrong :S

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btw

i was just wondering what people thought of the whole issue ... i wasnt sure if i was being a bad gf by denying my bf sex.

i am looking into it all properly though, i arranged an appointment at the local family planning clinic the day before yesterday so i can ask all the questions

mainly because i see you are right, i need to be well informed of all my options for the future, i dont want anything like this happening again.

it has really made me feel more confident in handling the issue knowing that there are people out there who value the same things in a relationship as me.... i.e. a gf isnt just for sex, sex doesnt make a relationship.

i love him, and i would be with him even without sex, and im not going to lie, i have A HUGE sex drive (probably something to do with my zodiac lol) and sex is important to me but he means more to me any day and i would be with a bf even without sex.

i just wanted to be sure i had the right to expect the same respect, or if i was acting out of my place.

sorry if i have annoyed anyone :s

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Good lord girly, don't ever think you are "bad' because you deny someone access to the only thing that is completly yours: you body. It is a gift, not a privledge. Remember that.

Also, there are ways to express your physical love for each other other than intercourse. You can engage in oral sex, mutual masturbation, heavy petting, "dry" sex (dry humping), passionate kissing and other sexual touching. It depends on what you draw the line at. If oral sex is still sex to you, don't do it. "Sex" is not just intercourse. Talk to your boyfriend about alternative options. Remember that you can still get pregnant if he ejaculates onto his hand or your hand and you touch yourself or he touches you. But other than that, you are very safe from pregnancy. The risk of it is extemely minimal but do be careful where you put the stuff. :wink:

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Ditto to what Bella said.
You have full control of what you want to do with your own body.

confused; it was me who asked why you posted here.
Just to clear that up: I did ask to be rude, or to imply that you weren't welcome here! Sorry if it came across that way.

I was just asking as a way of leading up to pointing out that your instincts were already telling you what you needed to know.

I'm glad things have worked out for you. Good for you! Very Happy

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geez! Correction: I did NOT ask you that to be rude.

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Pill versus bf - should i go on the pill to keep my man?

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