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Pill versus bf - should i go on the pill to keep my man?

Forums: Relationships
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confused girl
 
Reply Tue 30 Aug, 2005 01:14 pm
It could seem slightly worrying that i only ever have questions in this subject - although it could just mean im secure in every other aspect of my life which is a good thing.

Anyway my question is should i go on the pill so i can keep my boyfriend?

We slept together for the first time about 2 months ago, we used a condom but he managed to touch himself and then touch me so he got panicked that i would become pregnant.

he asked me to go on the pill and i said i would consider it.

i have since discovered that my aunts fertility problems are down to the pill which has obviously put serious doubts in my mind.

today i was with him and he asked me if i had gone on it yet. i explained that i didnt want to because i dont want to risk not being able to have children.

he asked what would happen so i said well we just wont have sex.

he then said that sex is one of the things that holds most relationships together, but if were not having sex we might as well just be friends.

that really hurt me because he says he loves me - surely love is enough.

anyway back to my point. i asked my auntie for advice - big mistake as just a few hours before it had been confirmed that she will never have children and its all down to the pill.

what i want to know is - do i go on the pill to keep my man, cos i do love him and want to be with him - or do i tell him no.

im not certain we will break up if i dont do this but it certainly seems to be on the cards.

thank you

x
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Aug, 2005 01:25 pm
Re: Pill versus bf - should i go on the pill to keep my man?
confused girl wrote:


he asked what would happen so i said well we just wont have sex.

he then said that sex is one of the things that holds most relationships together, but if were not having sex we might as well just be friends.

that really hurt me because he says he loves me - surely love is enough.

x


Love isn't enough but sex isn't the thing that hold relationships together. Run. Run as fast as you can from this guy. He doesn't love you enough to respect you. And respect is very important in a relationship.
0 Replies
 
squinney
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Aug, 2005 01:28 pm
Honey, I'll shout this from the roof if I need to:

NEVER do anything you are uncomfortable with in an attempt to please ANYONE else. And, I mean ANYONE!

Once you start down that path, it's a hard road home.
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Aug, 2005 01:33 pm
there are other forms of birth control

but uhh.. NO

if he isnt willing to work with your fear of possibly NOT having children later down the road and use a condom NOW then why would you want him?
you shouldnt have to do anything that has to do with your health to keep somone
0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Aug, 2005 01:46 pm
Dittos.
0 Replies
 
NoNe
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Aug, 2005 06:50 pm
Whenever guy says "we can be friends" deep there in my brain a little red flag starts waving "WARNING". I mean, as a person who is in love, I would never even think about saying or suggesting "to b e a friend" to the one whom I love, because I know that it is painful to hear. How can he say something like that to u? Do not go on that Pill, even if u had already changed ur mind and was concidering it as the way out of this problem. If he is gone, do not hold him. How can one rely on a partner on a difficult time, who is not able to overcome this small thing? It is so sad, honey Sad
0 Replies
 
dragon49
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Aug, 2005 07:03 pm
i don't understand why you can't use condoms. they are about as effective and don't mess with your hormones which is obviously preferable to you. however, if he said that sex is one of the things that holds a relationship together, he's right...but hey its one thing! and like many others said, respect is another and from the sounds of it, he doesn't have any for you...

i agree with the others here...run, confused girl, run...
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Aug, 2005 07:39 pm
If he's not interested in children later, has he considered a vasectomy? Of course, that would mean you also don't have children later if this is really the love of you life, but that's a big if, and I'm agreeing with the others.
0 Replies
 
houzer911
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Aug, 2005 08:56 pm
not your fault the guy cant use a condom

aha, but ya dont do something u dont wanna do because of this guy.

And if hes willing to give up ur relationship because he cant have sex, then hes immature and not worth it.

Insulting to the male population, we arent all this way.
0 Replies
 
confused girl
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2005 06:04 am
thank you for all your responses

we do use a condom and he would even if i was on the pill he just argues that a condom isnt enough

we are far too young to start making decisions like vasectomies etc plus i would never even dream of asking.

and theres no way im dreamy enough to think that this could be forever age has a lot to do with it and im far too young to say this is the rest of my life

although i love him, i dont think i love him enough to risk giving up the chance to be a mother one day.

im going to try suggesting we look at other forms of contraception...i just dont know what there is out there but a little research should hopefully sort that one out.

in the meantime can anyone suggest anything that is good that doesnt mess with hormones?

thanks for all your advice
running is looking like a very promising option right now
xxx
0 Replies
 
Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2005 06:16 am
Quote:
he then said that sex is one of the things that holds most relationships together, but if were not having sex we might as well just be friends.


This guy sounds like an immature twit. You deserve better. If his pleasure is more important than your health concerns, he does not "love" you. Dump him!
0 Replies
 
houzer911
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2005 11:05 am
well, the contraceptives that i believe are the safest, and which clinically show to be the safest all have to do with your hormones. Soo, idk theres the sponge and the female condom/male condom, but there are so many things that can go wrong.
0 Replies
 
dragon49
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2005 11:46 am
Phoenix32890 wrote:
Quote:
he then said that sex is one of the things that holds most relationships together, but if were not having sex we might as well just be friends.


This guy sounds like an immature twit. You deserve better. If his pleasure is more important than your health concerns, he does not "love" you. Dump him!


well put phoenix...this guy is more interested in what's in it for him...i say buhbye!
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2005 11:49 am
IUD doesnt mess with the hormones.
0 Replies
 
confused girl
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2005 01:04 pm
this may sound naive but whats IUD?

and yeah its beginning to really seem that way, especially as he has been saying he sees me more as a friend than a girlfriend and he himself has confessed to me he is having trouble respecting me - what a git.
0 Replies
 
houzer911
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2005 01:13 pm
how old r u, or better question, how old is he?
0 Replies
 
dragon49
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2005 01:33 pm
confused girl wrote:
this may sound naive but whats IUD?

and yeah its beginning to really seem that way, especially as he has been saying he sees me more as a friend than a girlfriend and he himself has confessed to me he is having trouble respecting me - what a git.


again...lose him. if he has no respect for you, he isn't worth it.
0 Replies
 
Eva
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2005 01:39 pm
confused girl wrote:
he himself has confessed to me he is having trouble respecting me...


Just the fact that he actually said that to you should be enough to send you running! What a complete idiot!!!
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2005 01:42 pm
Click here for info about IUD
0 Replies
 
confused girl
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2005 02:42 pm
i think it is curiosity that is keeping me there at the moment.

anyway i am beginning to feel in control which is something i havent before.

he will be twenty next tuesday
0 Replies
 
 

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