Paranoid or do I have a issue?

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Me and my wife got married last month and everything was perfect now she got into some trouble and might have to do a few months in jail or some type of rehab (she's a ex drug user and using this to avoid jail) I can understand her being stressed out but since all of this happened she has been acting odd and as you can guess she has a bad past and was with another man for over 22 years except all he did was rob her and beat her. In the past I have caught her texting her ex nothing bad but deep inside I feel she still has feelings for him but does love me.

The good:
Great sex life (I'm 10 years younger then her)
We get along good
She is clean and sober off drugs for over a year.
Never got into a fight other then a maybe 5 minute argument.
She is 41 and never been married before.

The bad:
She has mental health issues.
ex drug addict with a really bad past.
She still has feelings for her ex and I caught her talking to him before on messenger early in our relationship.
She got into trouble and has to do some type of jail time or rehab and we have never been apart for more then a few hours.
She has been talking crazy talking about fleeing to her own town as she is scared of jail.

So what do you guys think? Am I over reacting or should I be worried? She has never cheated on me I know that for a fact other then emotional cheating maybe but I just have been feeling weird recently she told me a lot of stuff since we got married about her past that has made me extremely paranoid and I'm having a lot of trust issues for our long term relationship.

Also when I say she has feelings for her ex this guy is a crack addict/alcoholic in and out of jail she left him multiple times as he doesn't want to change and he beat the hell out of her for 22 years she may just be damaged mentally from all of the abuse she told me the guy cheated on her as well and she cheated on him as he wanted nothing to do with her other then use her for sex and money she also has two kids with the guy.

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Type: Question • Score: 7 • Views: 1,352 • Replies: 10

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@build93,

Engage legal representation.

1 Reply

@fobvius,

Indeed!

1 Reply

@roger,

I agree it's a **** show but we do have a good relationship and I don't want to leave/divorce the girl we have had a blast so far. But deep inside something just doesn't feel right she also suffers from mental health type stuff so that combined with stress could have caused it and I'm really stressed out about it as well as we have never been apart for more then a few hours since we got together.

2 Replies

@build93,

Good thinking on your part to seek help through friends and perhaps counselling separately and together.

0 Replies

@build93,

She’s STILL quite unstable. She’s STILL in trouble with the law and you’re caught in the crosshairs of her legal issues. She is not thinking clearly if she wants to flea to her own town. You are both co-dependent on each other. She was NOT square with you when she texted her ex when you were together who is and was poison to her. He has a psychological hold on her that she hasn’t shed.

You’re not going to like this BUT…
Sorry to say this but she sounds too unstable still to make a go of this. Maybe in time she might straighten it out but at 41 the die might be cast.

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@build93,

Funny that you got all male perspectives here, but their advise is mostly
rational and to the point and I think you should consider what they have told you.

I am not sure how long you've known your wife before marrying her, but it can't be too long since she's still connected to her ex. This might be your least problem though - abusive men brainwash and gaslight their victims into thinking that it's their own fault. It may be very hard for her to cut the emotional ties to him, but the bigger picture is her stint in jail/rehab for drug abuse and this situation will bring you a tail of new problems. She may relapse over and over again, having a police record will affect her abilities to get a good decent job and for all you know, she may indeed skip bail, thinking the law won't catch up with her.

Where does this leave you in all of this? Unless you're a true martyr, it's best to
let her know that you're not part of her game. She either shapes up or ships out and stick with it.

2 Replies

@CalamityJane,

Listen to Calamity, she's definitely on point.

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@CalamityJane,

Well I also have a bit of a past for 13 years I was a really bad alcoholic myself we met last year in a rehab ironically but work wise she is on SSI I believe and gets a check monthly so that isn't a huge issue and I do factory work so we have plenty of money. But we already had a few talks about these legal issues and the possibility of her relapsing if she does go to jail I'm willing to wait that out but her getting on drugs and going back to her home town I already told her it would be over because all of the stuff she told me about that place and her past.

But how we met is she lives about 4 hours away and basically ran down here to hide/restart from her ex and drugs and went to a really good rehab program I checked the messages between her and her ex and they was mostly about checking on the guy which I don't understand it myself she is worried about him overdosing and talking about the two kids they have which is almost adults now.

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A little late to making equations as to the sense of having a relationship.

You have cold feet.

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Relax he's the Ex, the past. You are the future. The one she is with day in and day out. He's the father of her children, respect that. God bless

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Paranoid or do I have a issue?

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