My ex-gf (37 years old) slept with a 21 year-old guy after we broke up. How do I get over this?

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I was friends with my ex-gf long before we got together. Our romantic relationship didn't work out, and we agreed to remain friends on a limited basis, for the sake of our friendship. I'm 35 and my ex is 37.

Anyway, one evening she confided in me that she'd recently got picked up at a bar by a 21 year-old guy. She said the guy was very direct and sweet to her, but afterwards he ghosted her, and blanked her when she saw him in the street. I queried why she was telling me this, to which she replied she "wanted a guy's opinion" as to what went wrong. I honestly didn't have the heart to tell her she used her for sex. She's old enough to figure that out for herself, surely?

It's been five months since she told me about this and it's still playing on my mind. I know it's none of my business who she sleeps with, but I still obsess about it every day. I feel absolutely worthless and devalued. Whenever I see a young guy in the street, I wonder if he's the same age as the guy she slept with. It's driving me insane.

I know that the cause of my pain is two-fold:

1. Insecurity about my own age and how I can't compete with younger guys.
2. Disappointment that my ex gave up sex so cheaply to some zoomer she'd only just met.

How do I move on from this, as I'm seriously struggling. Her sexlife is living rent-free in my head.

Maybe a new girlfriend would take my mind off of it, but that's not going to happen. My ex was one of the rare girls to ever give me a chance. No other woman is going to find me attractive. This doesn't leave me with many options in terms of getting over it.

What can I do?

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Type: Question • Score: 9 • Views: 1,503 • Replies: 31
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Are you looking to get even or get over it? Let it go. Just let it go.

0 Replies

@KrazyQuik,

Quote:

2. Disappointment that my ex gave up sex so cheaply to some zoomer she'd only just met.

If you're trying to score sympathy, then don't be a POS and write this toxic, hostile BS.

I'm going to assume your incel ass deserves every terrible outcome from your worldview here on in.

What can you do? 1. Don't be an asshole. 2. Recant this Boomeresque worldview. 3. Go to therapy to address your possibly outdated misogynist views.

1 Reply

@tsarstepan,

Why such hostility? I am simply expressing how I feel. My ex had sex with a zoomer she barely even knew. I feel nothing but disappointment for her acting in this way. Dogwhistling "INCEL!" because something offended your sensibilities is not a mature response.

1 Reply

@KrazyQuik,

Neither is yours.

If some 30-something guy picked up a 20-something chick in a bar, you wouldn't even think twice about it. She doesn't owe you an explanation, reasoning, apology or even the time of day.

Get over it. It's not your problem. But you're making it into one.

1 Reply

@neptuneblue,

Thank you for thinking and speaking for me.... You have no idea what my opinion is on the matter. I don't approve of casual sex full stop. I find it cheap and demeaning.

"Advice" forums like this are clearly a waste of time, as users can't leave their politics at the door.

2 Replies

@KrazyQuik,

KrazyQuik wrote:

Thank you for thinking and speaking for me.... You have no idea what my opinion is on the matter. I don't approve of casual sex full stop. I find it cheap and demeaning.

"Advice" forums like this are clearly a waste of time, as users can't leave their politics at the door.

This isn't an advice forum.

1 Reply

@tsarstepan,

He actually said, "Advice Forum". Hahahhaha! Advice is a level B or C concern.

0 Replies

@KrazyQuik,

It doesn't matter what your personal views are. A friend confided something to you. That's it. Nothing else. Either support a friend or...not.

It seems you'd rather be a judgmental back-stabber than actually being a friend.

1 Reply

@neptuneblue,

Not just a friend. An EX. Who I still have feelings for.

2 Replies

@KrazyQuik,

If she's an ex, so are you, BUTT OUT.

1 Reply

@KrazyQuik,

Oh.

I see. You're pining away for somebody who doesn't want to be with you. Hence the harshness of your "opinion."

A bit of Life's Lessons:

At some point, people can and will let you down. Even the people who you love the most will not be able to live up to each and every expectation YOU have for THEM. Part of being in a friendship is to recognize when to step back and not judge but support. If you cannot or will not do that, then end the friendship.

0 Replies

@bobsal u1553115,

Hey, I didn't ask her to tell me about her one night stands with zoomers...

3 Replies

@KrazyQuik,

That's a poor response. And childish. Do you not know how to be a friend? Are "friends" supposed to only discuss the topics YOU chose to bring up and disregard what's going on in their life?

Really?

0 Replies

@KrazyQuik,

You should have gently said that you couldn't listen to stuff like that because your masculinity is too fragile, and you'll probably end up whining to a bunch of strangers on the internet about it.

0 Replies

@KrazyQuik,

KrazyQuik wrote:

Hey, I didn't ask her to tell me about her one night stands with zoomers...

It's a mystery why you two broke up. Wondering if they're will be a Serial True Crime podcast series to investigate...?

0 Replies

@KrazyQuik,

Quote:

it's still playing on my mind

flush it and get on with your life...

Quote:

Her sexlife is living rent-free in my head.

get a hobby, something to occupy your thoughts...

0 Replies

@KrazyQuik,

KrazyQuik wrote:

Hey, I didn't ask her to tell me about her one night stands with zoomers...

And she didn't tie you down and pour it down your ears with a plunger, either.

You need a hobby like felting small animal figurines.

I was going to suggest target shooting, but in this case ....

I get the feeling you two spent a lot of time pulling each other's wings off and tiptoeing around each other hurt, thinking of something passive aggressive to say about each other. I bet neither of you are your neighbors' favorite neighbor.

Get over it and each other. MUY PRONTO!

1 Reply

@bobsal u1553115,

For a minute I thought you said,

bobsal u1553115 wrote:

You need a hobby like felching small animals.

If nothing else it should take his mind off things.

3 Replies

@izzythepush,

izzythepush wrote:

For a minute I thought you said,

bobsal u1553115 wrote:

You need a hobby like felching small animals.

If nothing else it should take his mind off things.

Clearly, the OP is a prude. Casual sex and not so casual sex acts ain't for him.

0 Replies

My ex-gf (37 years old) slept with a 21 year-old guy after we broke up. How do I get over this?

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