My ex-gf (37 years old) slept with a 21 year-old guy after we broke up. How do I get over this?

@KrazyQuik,

Your ex can sleep with whoever they want to.

So can you.

That's what being an ex is all about; not owing any allegiance to the person from the earlier relationship.

She told you something that you didn't want to hear. Okay, so at what time was it impossible for you to say, "Becky {or whatever her name is}, this is TMI and I don't want to hear it."

If you are hanging around in a friendship but really just want to be in a relationship again, that's not friendship -- that's you keeping your foot in the door in the hopes that you can prevent it from being slammed shut.

It also keeps you from moving on.

So …

1) Stop hanging out. It's not doing you any good and is only serving as avoidance behavior for you, and preventing you from developing other relationships.
2) **** or get off the pot. You're either going to get back together, or not. My crystal ball is often cloudy but it says that the chances of you reconciling are very low. So ask her where you stand and be prepared for a letdown.
3) Go out and meet other people. Not at bars. Go to Meetup and join groups that do things that you like. Do this not to find dates but to find actual friends.
4) Seriously consider counseling if for nothing beyond learning how to better set your expectations.

1 Reply

@KrazyQuik,

KrazyQuik wrote:

I was friends with my ex-gf long before we got together. Our romantic relationship didn't work out, and we agreed to remain friends on a limited basis, for the sake of our friendship. I'm 35 and my ex is 37.

Anyway, one evening she confided in me that she'd recently got picked up at a bar by a 21 year-old guy. She said the guy was very direct and sweet to her, but afterwards he ghosted her, and blanked her when she saw him in the street. I queried why she was telling me this, to which she replied she "wanted a guy's opinion" as to what went wrong. I honestly didn't have the heart to tell her she used her for sex. She's old enough to figure that out for herself, surely?

It's been five months since she told me about this and it's still playing on my mind. I know it's none of my business who she sleeps with, but I still obsess about it every day. I feel absolutely worthless and devalued. Whenever I see a young guy in the street, I wonder if he's the same age as the guy she slept with. It's driving me insane.

I know that the cause of my pain is two-fold:

1. Insecurity about my own age and how I can't compete with younger guys.
2. Disappointment that my ex gave up sex so cheaply to some zoomer she'd only just met.

How do I move on from this, as I'm seriously struggling. Her sexlife is living rent-free in my head.

Maybe a new girlfriend would take my mind off of it, but that's not going to happen. My ex was one of the rare girls to ever give me a chance. No other woman is going to find me attractive. This doesn't leave me with many options in terms of getting over it.

What can I do?

Sorry so many of our people are kicking you in the balls the way they are. You are going through a hard time...but that is the only time you can move on...or man up.

These kinds of things can hurt...and hurt badly. A2K obviously is not the place to go if you want someone to give you a shoulder to cry on.

The people commenting have given you the right road to travel, even if they did it while hitting you with a sledge.

Time to grow. Even if you are correct that no other woman will give you the same kind of shot...you have got to give it a try. Maybe a romantic situation will not present itself immediately, so try for something a bit less. A good friendship...or even a casual friendship might get you past the strong pain.

Good luck.

(I recommend reading It's Raining In Love by Richard Brautigan. You can Google it.)

0 Replies

@jespah,

Thank you. It's refreshing to receive some actual advice in this thread and not cheap jabs.

But how do I overcome the comparisons to younger guys? I can't see guys in that age-group anymore without immediately thinking about my ex... :/

1 Reply

@KrazyQuik,

It's just her and the younger guy - not every woman is interested in younger men and that's a fact. She shouldn't have told you and you should have stopped her, but it is what it is and it's too late.

Stop obsessing on her - read some books, go to some movies, dine out somewhere really nice with a buddy... whatever it takes, stop it from replaying.

Good luck.

1 Reply

@izzythepush,

0 Replies

@izzythepush,

izzythepush wrote:

For a minute I thought you said,

bobsal u1553115 wrote:

You need a hobby like felching small animals.

If nothing else it should take his mind off things.

I had to google that.

I wish I hadn't.

1 Reply

@cherrie,

It's best not to know some things.

You have an incredibly wide vocabulary, so if I use a word you're not familiar with it's probably a grubby little word not worth knowing.

0 Replies

@Mame,

Thank you for your advice.

I have tried to distract myself, but it doesn't take much to pull my thoughts back to it. I honestly thought it might get better with time, but if anything it's getting worse :[

1 Reply

@KrazyQuik,

Quote:

I have tried to distract myself, but it doesn't take much to pull my thoughts back to it. I honestly thought it might get better with time, but if anything it's getting worse :[

It is clear: you need to seek help.This is too much for you to have to handle yourself. This is also beyond our ken to do much than to feel for someone having a very hard time accepting certain realities in his life.

Please seek out a councilor, religious leader, therapist, parent, best friend - you need help getting past someone who apparently has had no problem getting past you.

You need to ask yourself: why did she let you know about her casual fling?

It's over and her current life is no concern of yours.

1 Reply

@bobsal u1553115,

"You need to ask yourself: why did she let you know about her casual fling?"

Good question. Supposedly, she wanted my opinion on why this young guy got scared and ditched her the next day. As if that wasn't obvious enough? I can only presume she was trying to make me jealous.

'It's over and her current life is no concern of yours"

It is when I still have feelings for her.

1 Reply

@KrazyQuik,

Quote:

It is when I still have feelings for her.

You need help. Your's is not the vote that counts. It's her life.

Please seek help, your obsession is not healthy.

0 Replies

@KrazyQuik,

This happened after you broke up. So, it holds no importance. I wouldn't care if my ex's screwed a barrel cactus. (?)

0 Replies

My ex-gf (37 years old) slept with a 21 year-old guy after we broke up. How do I get over this?

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know