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My bf is moving and I'm torn what to do?

 
 
ohso
 
Reply Tue 30 Aug, 2022 07:00 am
I'm in a very long relationship with a partner I don't live together with. We love each other but we're not good with living together. He is annoyed with many things I do. It's not that I do wrong things, but he is just mad at me for silly reasons, like if I put a spoon the way he wouldn't do it, he gets mad. He criticizes me a lot for stupid things and starts arguments.

He is in a way more intelligent than me, but not emotionally I think. I ignore his tantrums but it's very hard for me being sensitive to be around such negative energy. So we live apart.

I tried talking to him about it because I hope we do live together one day, but years have gone by and there is no progress. He knows what he's doing and he always apologizes for it, but keeps doing it.

Now he's moving to another country for 6 months for a job. He asked me to go with him. I wanted to go, but I've changed my mind the last minute. We went on a vacation for a week recently and it was terrible. He was being mean to me a lot of times. I couldn't wait to get home away from him.
So that's why I decided not to go with him to another country.

He was surprised when I said no and thought it was for bunch of different reasons. He didn't know it was only because he was treating me badly.
Part of me wonders is that even possible that he is unaware? I wonder did he do it on purpose so that I don't go? I don't know. I'm tired of talking about same things so I let it go.

We've been apart like this for months years ago and stayed together. He missed me a lot and promised every thime he would never ever leave me like that again, but he did. And he will.

I don't wanna breakup with him. But I'm so sad he is leaving for so long. I doubt we'll grow apart or become distant. In a way we already are. But I'm sad I'll wait for him to come back and the cycle will just repeat. He'll be nice to me for a while and then mean again. I wouldn't say he is abusive, but his temperament is clashing with my. I love peace and harmony and he is ruining it.

I obviously can't change him. I don't even know what I'm asking you here. What do you think about all this? What should I do and so on?
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Tue 30 Aug, 2022 07:26 am
@ohso,
I think you already know exactly what to do.

Take advantage of this opportunity and end it for good.

Emotional/verbal abuse is still abuse. He starts ridiculous arguments, throws tantrums (your words, not mine), and never learns from his mistakes. He has "no idea" he's causing trouble.

If he's as intelligent as you think he is (and I bet he's not, BTW, but that's another story), then he would know.

He knows. He's just not admitting it.

This is narcissistic behavior, and you will not change it.

Please end it and work on your self-esteem. You deserve better.

IANAD
0 Replies
 
engineer
 
  3  
Reply Tue 30 Aug, 2022 08:01 am
@ohso,
Absolutely do not move to another country where you have no support with a man who treats you poorly! It's already terrible when you can walk away, imagine what it would be like when you are stuck somewhere you can't leave (and maybe don't even speak the language).
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  2  
Reply Tue 30 Aug, 2022 12:00 pm
Agreeing with the others here.

Can you imagine a life without being criticized, put down, mocked and blamed for infinitesimal things? Just try to picture how peaceful that would be.

The question is why do you think it's acceptable? You've been in this relationship for a long time. Your week-long vacation was terrible. He is constantly picking on you.

What would you advise a friend to do in this situation? Take your own advice.
0 Replies
 
IeuanBright
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 27 Jun, 2023 12:51 am
@ohso,
Taking care of your own happiness should be a priority. Consider seeking support from friends, family, or even a therapist to gain perspective. As for the upcoming long-distance separation, use this time to focus on yourself, your personal growth, and finding peace. You deserve to be with someone who treats you with kindness and respect.
0 Replies
 
Coconuts75
 
  0  
Reply Tue 27 Jun, 2023 02:14 am
Try not to let him get under your skin he's just trying to see how far he can push you. Nit picking. Be the bigger person let it roll off you, it will probably tick him off even more though..lol
0 Replies
 
SaigeGardner
 
  0  
Reply Tue 5 Sep, 2023 11:07 pm
@ohso,
I think it's important to trust your gut and put your own well-being first. It totally makes sense that you changed your mind about going with him, especially after a vacation where he was mean to you. Who wants to spend their time with someone who treats them poorly.
0 Replies
 
 

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