Ex wants to split stuff up equally during break up. I don’t.

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My ex and I broke up. I am moving for a job across the country. My ex knew this move was coming for years and was onboard, but then decided last minute she didn’t want to go.

The majority of the furniture in our apartment are mine. I had it all before we moved in together. This was by my ex’s choice too. When we were moving in together she decided to get rid of all her stuff because mine was better quality and condition than her stuff. This was entirely her decision as I had suggested storing some of my stuff until we eventually moved to a bigger place where I could have my own man cave. But she said no and wanted to use my stuff.

My ex is now saying that since we have been living together for three years that all the stuff in the apartment is equally hers. If I take all my stuff she would have basically nothing in terms of furniture. She says to be fair we should divy it up the stuff equally. But I don’t think thats fair at all. I paid for it all and it was all very expensive. I also think she could have tried to sell her stuff back when we moved in together so she would have money to buy her self new stuff. Instead she just had goodwill pick it up because it was easier.

She’s the one who gave up her furniture. She’s the one who decided she didn’t want to move. She’s the one who decided to change the plan not me. So I don’t see why I should have to give up my stuff too. It was But anyway I thought that I’d get some outside unbiased perspectives before tomorrow. She’s at work all day and I’m thinking of just packing up and moving everything and leaving tomorrow while she’s gone. I’m thinking maybe as a compromise I’ll leave her all the stuff we bought together like the microwave and the tv. What do y’all think?

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@mcgree,

Your compromise sounds reasonable. This situation is always a bit tricky but since you two aren't married you're not legally compelled to divide things equally. At least that's my understanding.

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@mcgree,

I agree with hightor, leave her the microwave and the TV - move all your
stuff while she's at work and then meet her for dinner and explain (again)
that the furniture have been in your possession prior to her moving in and
you're not willing to part with it.

You offered her to move with you, she declined - she's on her own now!
Be glad that you ditched the bullet here, divorcing someone like her
would be a disaster !

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@mcgree,

I've gotta disagree with Hightor and Jane.

I think you are being a dick here...and using a rather thin excuse to do so.

People change their mind...and her change of mind about moving is not unreasonable. The nebulous thought of moving across the country may have some appeal in the abstract, but turn to fear in the reality.

You two have been living together for some time. I seriously doubt your story that you would have been willing to put your good stuff in storage...and been willing to live with what she was able to provide as furnishings.

At this point, if it had been a marriage (which, in effect, it actually was) you would be splitting things down the middle.

I doubt she has much legal standing to bang you with, so you are free to do what you want as to the division. But if you are looking to have people tell you that you are not a dick for doing it the way you intend, I think you will be disappointed. Your mutual friends should see this the way I am...unless there is a lot more to the story.

If you want to be a dick...no problemo! But if you leave her with nothing...that is what you are being.

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@mcgree,

We don't give out free legal advice as per the site's TOS. But as an FYI, common law marriage still exists in most (if not all) of the United States. That may validate your ex's claim on half of the property in question. So, get some proper legal advice from an actual practicing attorney.

1 Reply

@Frank Apisa,

Gotta go with Frank on this one. Being sneaky and just taking everything is a real dick move. But, if the shoe fits, wear it.

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@mcgree,

This is not legal advice, but I don't think any court would say you are "common law" married unless you have been doing things like opening joint accounts, buying a home together, etc. Being someone's roommate doesn't make them your spouse. (I assume when you say "ex" that you mean former girlfriend and not former wife.)

When she "got rid of all her stuff", did she sell it? If she sold it and kept the cash, I think you take your stuff and leave. If you jointly took the money or she donated it, I think she has a claim to a share of your stuff and you should buy her out.

1 Reply

@tsarstepan,

Lol, actually the majority of states do not recognize common law marriage. Maybe you should stick with the TOS since you don't know what you're talking about.

We also do not live in one of the few states that do have it.

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@mcgree,

Common decency doesn't have to become a law, does it?

1 Reply

@engineer,

We have separate banking accounts and rented. We were never married.

She just had goodwill come and pick up all her stuff. I think maybe one or two things she gave away to a friend.

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@neptuneblue,

Guess not, but maybe I just don't care anymore.

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@Frank Apisa,

I had already gotten an agreement with a friend to use his garage as storage, so yes I was willing to put my stuff away. Whether or not you believe is your prerogative I guess.

I am sort of seeing how its a dick move. We don't have any mutual friends. I kind of just assumed her friends would be against me no matter what anyway.

1 Reply

@mcgree,

mcgree wrote:

I had already gotten an agreement with a friend to use his garage as storage, so yes I was willing to put my stuff away. Whether or not you believe is your prerogative I guess.

I am sort of seeing how its a dick move. We don't have any mutual friends. I kind of just assumed her friends would be against me no matter what anyway.

I understand your quandary. But you did share a life with her for a while...and parting as amicably as possible is something in the best interests of both of you.

I wish you well, McGree.

1 Reply

@Frank Apisa,

Why?

1 Reply

@mcgree,

mcgree wrote:

Why?

Why what?

1 Reply

@Frank Apisa,

Why is parting as amicably as possible is something in the best interests of both of us? I've heard people say that in movies and tv shows, but I've never understood why.

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@mcgree,

Your not married and there is nothing on paper. I highly suggest requesting a police officer to be their while the move is taking place.

This person stayed by you, with you by their choice and are not entitled to anything.

There is no written agreement or statement. What is yours is mine and what mine is yours.

Even if your married that is still your stuff and usually people have prenuptial agreements. Bottom-line it is not her stuff.

...................................................................................................................

You want to be cheap and avoid having a police officer stand by for any confrontation. You could do the move during an hour when nobody is around or is looking.

However make sure you take your belongings and nothing you purchased for her at all. That is another court argument right there. Just your stuff. In fact you might want to hire extras to show up early along with the movers to make the whole thing go by as quickly as possible.

Again if this is going to be a slow thing you might as well get an officer to make sure their is no confrontation. Problem is the officer might intervene and pose a threat against you which is another court date in the future.

Just get your stuff out ASAP when she is away from the place and do not take anything that you gave her or is hers. About gifts you gave her, it is okay to take back to those thing but otherwise is not advised. She might take you to court so I would read up that problem in itself.

..................

My aunt has tons of gold and diamonds from dates she went on, to guys and ex's buying her stuff over the years. Like a child she cashed it all in during the gold-craze.

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@mcgree,

mcgree wrote:

Why is parting as amicably as possible is something in the best interests of both of us? I've heard people say that in movies and tv shows, but I've never understood why.

Tough one for me to explain without seeming condescending, McGree. I do not know your age...but I just turned 86 two weeks ago, and I've been through many "partings"...personal and business related. Early in life I could be rather brusk when leaving...did not give a **** about the nature of the end. As far as I was concerned, when the thing ended...IT ENDED.

But that is not the nature of some of these splits. Sometimes events lead to meetings in the future...and having ended things on a more pleasant note made those future meetings a lot less complex.

Do what you will. Best some lessons come from having lived through them. You sound like a reasonable person. Best to do things in a way that lets you feel as good about yourself as possible.

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@mcgree,

Quote:

Lol, actually the majority of states do not recognize common law marriage. Maybe you should stick with the TOS since you don't know what you're talking about.

We also do not live in one of the few states that do have it.

Ok with this response - I vote that it is likely he will do the "dick" and coward thing and sneak out on her.

Whoever answered that originally I think figured this dude out.

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@mcgree,

So, you'll be sneaking out like a thief in the night.

People generally only do that if they're escaping an abuse situation.

2 Replies

Ex wants to split stuff up equally during break up. I don’t.

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