Wed 4 May, 2022 01:42 pm
I hope you can help me out. It is such a cliche... and a long story (sorry!)
But it is my coworker she confuses me....
I did an assignment for 3 months in the team she works in.
This is what happened of course I noticed how beautiful she is but definitely out of my league and straight.
But one day it was between Christmas and New Year we were the only ones who worked and we zoomed for almost 4 hours (due to corona).
It was a great conversation and she told me she told my friends about me, and they say to her when there is a problem think about what your coworker would do.
I was surprised and it kept lingering in my min
My assignment ended corona was over and I forgot about it.
Suddenly I got a text from her she was just watching my Whatsapp photo and wanted to let me know I'm beautiful and very good at my work.
I thanked here of course and that was it.
Then I got invited for a drink by the team to see each other in real person. On the end of the drinks we came to talk again and again we had a great time. She played with her hair all the time. I remember because it was a little bit distracting.
So I asked her to lunch somehow she answered very vague.
After hat texted her later to thank her for a great time, she replied and that was it.
Having started my new assignment I have some trouble with how the team works, but it is her old team.
So I contacted her, she was on vacation with a male friend but I could call her (she send me her private telephone number).I decided to not call her but we sent some nice texts in the first half of her vacation and then she suddenly stopped texting.
After her vacation I called her to ask if she had a nice vacation and to help me out with how her old team. We talked for 2 hours and really had a fun time.
She suddenly tells me she loves Arabic men and that she has a very busy private life because she says yes to anyone who wants to go to a music concert with her.
Since she is into men, I decided to forget about it.
But a few nights later she texted me in the evening a funny meme and we started texting again. And again she suddenly stopped.
Then a week later my old (her) team had drinks organised by her.... another team member invited me because her assignments stops too. I ignored her not knowing what to say and had a blast with the other team member, suddenly she says tell us why are you both are laughing. We explained and after that she ignored me.
I heard nothing from her and after 2 weeks she texted me again. For a few days we texted each other a lot. So I asked her to go to see a show, she never responded so quickly and said yes and that she has put it in her agenda. Then I asked if she wanted to have diner before the show and she texted, very quickly yes.
So I asked her if she has a special diet.... and that was it, I haven't heard from her in 5 days. She stopped texting.
So what do you think? Am I getting crazy?
I think you're getting mixed signals.
Does she know you're a lesbian? Because if she doesn't, then it's possible that what she sees as friendly behavior is looking like flirty behavior to you. If she doesn't know, then now would be a good time to tell her.
If she does know, then she's teasing the hell out of you. I don't normally go around telling people they're beautiful etc. plus 4 hours on zoom, etc. That would inevitably be construed as flirtation. And if she's doing this, and she has no intentions of following through, then she's just being a tease.
Which is the sort of behavior most of us grow out of when we turn 15 or so.
Either way, you will need to tell her how her behavior is affecting you. Give her a chance to back out or to follow through.
"Amy, I'm a lesbian. When you twirl your hair, spend a lot of time with me, and tell me I'm beautiful, I don't just appreciate it. I also feel like you're flirting with me. Are you?"
Let her say yes or no.
And see what happens. If she says she's just being friendly, but continues to behave this way, you'll need to make your case more strongly.
"Amy, we both know you're behaving like a flirt to me. And since you have no intention of doing more than tease me, I want you to know that this is confusing and hurtful to me, and I would like you to please stop."
If she keeps on doing it, then consider what kind of a person she is if she ignores clear requests to knock it off.
You're right, somehow she never asks or if I have a relationship.
I was waiting for a moment to tell perhaps I should just tell her.
When I was testing about her relationship status... she told me almost everybody is not 100% heteroseksual, most people are in between.
And then she started to talk about the weather or something... I guess that was my moment but I was very confused by her answer.
You want to get with your friend then it would be a drunk moment. I mean not tipsy, but drunk and it would probably be with a bunch frat guys or group with other people for fun. Beyond that I think she is just a friend ( co-worker ) who feels secure being open to you.
You are right.
I need to forget about her, difficul though but there are just no signs she likes me more.
So I'm getting crazy...?
I totally accepted that she doesn't like me and I try to move on.
But the universe is really teasing or perhaps hating me?
Let's say her name is Amy Jens.
To get her out of my head I watched the news and an Amy wins a special acheviement prize...
I stop watching tv, start a random Netflix show and one of the main characters starts liking a boy named Jens.
So I give up go to sleep.... in the morning an I decided to watch a documentary about a famous painter. But what happens the famous painter is married with an Amy and he tells how big her influence is.
Help is the universe is making me crazy?