My wife said she wants me to believe in her. Will this even be possible?

Reply Sat 26 Mar, 2022 10:51 am
I had a feeling something was wrong and I checked our phone records online.
My wife was texting a man for six months and called him two times right before she got off work.

When I asked who she was texting, she blew up and accused me of accusing her. She claimed she never made the texts and the phone record was wrong.

I asked the phone company if that's possible and the rep checked both numbers. The rep could not disclose the content of the texts but verified they had originated from both her and his numbers. The texting stopped after the confrontation.

She has now started showing me the texts she gets from friends to prove she isn't hiding anything, except his texts are never among them. However, she claimed that she drove him to our house once to help her hang a picture.

Unfortunately, two months after the confrontation, she sent him one text and he sent her a two replies, one was a picture.

After the vicious response she gave after I calmly asked her about the texts, and her admission of him being in the car, she wants me to believe in her again. I don't understand why she would tell me he was in her car at this point after denying knowing him.

Questions I have:
Why would she say she wants me to believe in her like I used to?
Why would she tell me he was in the car with her to put up a picture?
Why deny texting him when it's on the phone record?

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Reply Sat 26 Mar, 2022 12:53 pm
Why are you hanging around?


You have proof of … something. Certainly you have proof of lying, and potentially proof of a coverup. But you already don't trust her. And she's already walking on eggshells around you.

What do you need? Do you need to find hotel room receipts? His hair in your bed? An empty box of condoms?

Playing junior detective isn't doing anyone any good here. If you want to stay married, then find a way to forgive her or at least stop hounding her. And recognize that this will probably continue unless you two get into couples counseling and you both go into it with 100% conviction. Go all in or go home.

If you don't want to stay married, then start making moves in that area. But also recognize that maybe you're overreacting—although I honestly doubt that you are. And recognize that ending a marriage is an expensive proposition. But it's not impossible.

This in-between stuff is for the birds. Staying together in this sort of limbo is unhealthy. And if you claim you're staying together for children, then I got news for you. Apart from the tiniest of infants or children who are extremely mentally challenged, your kids know something is going on. They may not know the details, and they may even blame themselves. But they understand things aren't smooth or perfect. Don't kid yourself and pretend you can conceal it from them and somehow protect them. You can't.

And the jig is up, anyway. They know something's off.

If couples counseling isn't in the cards, then seek it out for yourself. Why? To figure out how to handle your anger and hurt, and make a plan for what'll happen next. Whether you step into the next decades of your lives together or apart, it will help to have a plan.

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Reply Sat 26 Mar, 2022 09:26 pm
I believe there are apps that can help you to track whether your partner is cheating or not. I can't name them off the top of my head but I know a few of them exist so it might be worth it to do some research on Google Play.

That aside, this looks like a tough call because you can't prove she is cheating without concrete evidence but you can't dismiss your suspicions and blindly trust her until she gives you real reasons to do so either. It is up to you if you want to look more into who this man is and what the nature of her associations with him are but her defensive reaction and secretiveness about it feels like red flags to me. But I suggest you consider your steps carefully before you resort to anything as extreme as a divorce because while you don't need the extra stress you don't have to put up with her immature games either.
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