Thu 23 Sep, 2021 11:20 am
Sorry if that title is confusing. This is my first post, and I appreciate the help! Below is a backstory to give a little more conext into why what I found made me uncomfortable. I'd be curious to know what anyone thinks about the contacts in his Instagram, especially since I don't know how Instagram even works in that way.
My husband has a history of doing things that are sketchy to say the least. We've been together for 5 years, and in the beginning of our relationship I saw that he had a folder of videos and pictures of him with past relationships doing sexual things together. He kept this folder to look at while masturbating, and when I found it he told me he only used it because he had bad wifi at his old place. When we moved in together a year later, I saw in his "recently viewed" folder on his computer that he was still using those pictures and videos to masturbate to, and when I confronted him asking him if he deleted them he said "of course i did baby! I know how much they hurt you so I got rid of them." which was a lie, since I had just seen that he was watching them the day before. Anyways, we got over that a years ago, and ended up getting married.
5 months after we got married he told me, after being weird for a week or so, that the woman we buy weed from (sorry lol) pulled his pants down and started to give him oral sex. He said he then pushed her off and left and then told me. I still don't even know how to think about this whole thing. To make things more clear, the woman was always weird and I made it clear to him that she was weird and I felt uncomfortable by some of the interactions he had with her, but he told me she was just really nice and blah blah blah. So I already had warned him about this person. He said she made it seem like the weed was in her room, followed her to her room, and then she pulled his pants down and started to give him oral sex, but he ppushed her off. This is his story. It also changed a few times, from it bieng a time that I was in the car waiting, to it being a different time. Either way, he followed her to her room where she started giving him oral sex 9or more happened and I am just an idiot. I just don't know why he'd tell me in the first place. ANYWAYS this is what I have been through with him. I forgave him for that, but made him move back to where I am from and away from the city we were living in because I had been wanting to leave for years anyways.
Now I am healing from all of that, and still trying to figure out if he told me the WHOLE truth. He claimed it was like 10 seconds, and then he pusehd her off and told me a week later because he felt so bad about it. I guess I wish I knew if that is really why he told me. I have no way of contacting her because I don't have her number or know her name and he says he doesn't know her name and that he also deleted her number (he had her in his phone as weed girl or something).
Okay, so this is the more recent thing that made me really unseasy. It wouldn't have in any other circumstance, but this did because of his past of doing some sketchy things. There are more, but it's not worth saying... I went on his Instagram: he let me look for a post on his Instagram and I went to look through whatever I could because I was feeling insecure. I went to "Contacts" and saw that he had about 100 contacts uploaded, or synced (I don't know how it works in Instagram when you upload phone contacts to your instagram, but he has phone contacts saved into his Instagram with their name as it is in his phone and with their numbers). He had about 4 names with "tind" afterwards, like "Abby tind", "Jennifer tind", "Becky tind", etc. and he also had about 5 contacts that were savved as just addresses (but not complete addresses) like, 434 Suncrest (with a phone number), and 223 Westbrook. And other names of girls with phone numbers saved. All of these numbers are from the city we lived in, and the Instagram was made after we were livivng together. I guess my questions are these: Why would he have those numbers in his phone after we were together? What could those random addresses be? And it wasn't all of his contacts upoaded into Instagram either, it was a selection of people... Did he manually try to save those numbers into his instagram or is there a way it just uploads random numbers? I feel dumb, this might be nothing, and this might be very obviously something.
I did ask him about it, but I didn't tell him I saw in his Instagram because I wanted to make sure he doesn't just delete all traces of what I saw. I asked him who those names and addresses were and he was like "Where did you see those?" I didn't tell him and he said "Well if you saw those in my phone, it's because I was on tinder before I met you so I had those names saved from then. And the addresses are probably from when I used to deliver Uber Eats food." I met him on tinder, but he said I was the only tinder date he ever went on... I also don't know if saving addresses and numbers into your phone is normal Uber Eats delivery driver behaviour, since I've neveer done that, but I feel like you can do all communication through the app? UGH I am so confused. I am here constantly wondering if I am living a lie. We live in the country now, he went to trade school and works really hard for me and my daughter now, he doesn't do anything sketchy like hide his phone or not let me use it or lock his computer. It's all out in the open. I am just more afraid that he did some shady stuff in the earlier part of our relationship, and I fear that him having contacts uploaded into his Instagram that he made years into our relationsip with a ton of girls names from our city might be proof that he did do more than what I know.
I just want some outside perspective. Sorry for the rambling message. And to whomever gets through all of that and attempts to help, God bless you!
...if saving addresses and numbers into your phone is normal Uber Eats delivery driver behaviour
If it was, then he would have guys in his contact list that looked like that, too.
You already don't trust him (and you've already got reasons not to—ample reasons at that). You've already caught him in lies. You already check up on him.
What are you doing hanging around him?
He sounds pretty shady. The fact that he kept pictures/videos of old relationships that he masturbates to is pretty creepy. It seems like he has been dishonest from the beginning. 5 years is not that long when looking forwards to a lifetime together. The distrust is strong and I'm sorry for you there. Relationships are very complex especially when children are involved. I wish you the best in finding peace.
Obviously, he has many interests other than you. This is one of the negative ways that technology has impacted relationships. My ex was carrying on "relationships" with women while right in the room (and even in bed) with me. I'd be filling for divorce. The whole "lie/act innocent-even-though-I-am making-a-fool-of-myself" angle just makes my blood boil. My life is SO much happier and peace filled since I gave up men. Just saying.