Sat 15 Jan, 2022 03:34 am
I have had gfs of mine be bothered by my sexual past, like they were insecure by it. My current gf is also like this and has asked me questions to compare herself to past partners of mine.
And the other day we ran into a woman from my past just while out by coincidence, and she said to me hey, how are you, etc, and then we were on our separate ways.
My gf asked how I knew her so I told her, and she was bothered by this and asked "How come it seems every third woman I meet about, has slept with you or had some thing with you?"
I answered her just by saying well you are attracted to a guy who would naturally have a high sexual market value, so because of that market value, those guys are going to have pasts obviously, and therefore I to am going to have a past.
I don't think she liked that answer though. But it's not just women in the past who have been bothered by me having a past. I hear this from women too, that their male partners also have had a problem with their pasts, so it goes both ways in relationships.
But I don't understand the contradiction though. Both men and women are attracted to people with a high sexual market value. But yet at the same time, they get insecure about the high sexual market value partner having a past. Why be contradictory about it, is what I don't understand.
Unless I am missing something? Thank you for any input on this! I really appreciate it!
And you wouldn't mind coupling up with a sheila who has had multiple men before you, and because of her high sexual desires, will more that likely have more while she is with you?
First of all, what the hell are you guys doing sharing all that stuff? That's bad for insecure or jealous people. Why divulge the number? Just say, 'oh, a few'. That's just boasting, which isn't polite.
Second, what the hell is a high sexual market value
? What the hell is that? Does that mean you're attractive? If so, just say so.
To me it wouldn't be a jealousy thing but more you had multiple partners so it would seem you do not take relationships seriously, which would make me think I'd just be another notch in your sexual conquests...especially using such terminology like sexual market value.
In the future you might want to choose another way to flatter yourself. Saying you have a 'high sexual market value' makes you sound a little like an overly self-satisfied reviewer of your own specialness.
"like an overly self-satisfied reviewer of your own specialness."
That made me laugh!
Thank you, sometimes the words just spill out.....I can't hold them back.
So I've noticed, to my delight
Oh okay. I did not mean to sound cocky when phrasing it that way. I could have just said attractive if that's better.
But I am in love with her and she is much more to me than just a sexual conquest.
As for why share the info, I didn't share anything, and she asks me what my number is, and what the past ones were like, etc. So I feel she has been asking all the questions and I just have been answering them for her. I don't feel I have been bragging at all, but just answering her whenever she asks about it.
You don't have to answer every question that someone asks, somethings are just no one else's business. Once you start sharing intimate details just to satisfy someone else's curiosity, you are doing yourself a dis-service. Think about it, what in God's green earth gives her or anyone else the privilege of snooping on people they don't even know. When you share personal information it is no longer private, and that's not fair at all to the people involved. If for no other reason, just protect the privacy of the other person(s).
Oh okay. So when you are with a serious partner, some things are still off the table to tell, even if it's in a long term relationship?
What I think is off the table is: discussions about previous sexual activity. It's nobody else's business and it sacrifices the privacy of another person.
What has to be revealed is: How many times have you been locked up, are you a drunk or avid recreational drug user, How many times have you been married, How many children do you have................things that could actually be important to the other person.
I've been married for 43 years and we have never discussed previous sexual activity....it's useless information and I'm not at all interested in how much either of us liked or didn't like crap from ancient history.
There's this thing called tact.
And your answer sorely lacked any of it.
Sometimes it's not what you say but how you say it. It seems like you purposely felt the need to show how many women you slept with. It's a turn off and that's why she acted the way she did. Next time be mindful of someone's feelings, especially since you consider this relationship as special. You are correct, lying isn't right, but being braggadocious isn't right either.
Oh okay, but if she asks how many women I have been with as well as other specific questions about the sex with them, should I just say I can't say and that's private then? I felt if I did, that would bother her, like I am hiding something for some reason.
I don't know how old either of you are, but if the key to your joint happiness is discussing old sexual relationships, live it up while you have the opportunity. While you're at it, start jotting down all the special things you can tell others when you and the girlfriend break up about what was good and what wasn't so good. That way, in the future you can additionally build more healthy relationships with women who pry incessantly about the sex lives of other women. How's that?
Ok, but don't show her the list.
Good advice, thanks Roger.
Oh well what are you saying exactly? That my gf pries too much into my past?
Only insecure people ask such questions. I have no idea why she would want to know about your prior relationships. Just say, "I don't feel comfortable answering this question (or sharing that information). I've been with a few and that's all I'm going to say."
It's none of her business.
Oh okay, I can do that. I guess it's late for that now but I can next time. Thanks.
She said before that she felt intimidated by it, but not sure if that was her reason this time, but she doesn't have a reason to feel that way, I don't think.