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Priorities are in the wrong place. What would you say to a family member?

 
 
Reply Fri 7 Jan, 2022 11:33 am
Not sure if I've mentioned this but I have a twin brother. One would think that twins would be closer than any other sibling pair. . . . well, we're not. We couldn't be more opposite. I honestly think my brother is addicted to sex because it was him paying for escorts and getting caught that caused the end of his second marriage. He would literally take the girls home and take naked pics of them on the bed he shared with his wife. And we're not talking about high class escorts but Craigslist and Backpage girls who will have sex with you for $50 or $60 depending upon what you wanted to do. Well, him and his 2nd wife divorced and that forced him to have to move back home with our parents because they had to sell the house they built from ground up. He walked away with about $26k and no place to live. Instead of banking that money we goes out and buys a used 2017 Tahoe (cause that's what he's always wanted) even though there was nothing wrong with the Trialblazer he was currently driving. Paid for it outright and spent around $17k on it. He ended up sleeping on our parent's sofa for a few months until he and his grown son found a new apt. Fast forward: When covid hit as we all know there was a moratorium set to where no one could get evicted from their place due to lack of paying rent. Now, that didn't mean you didn't owe the money. That was geared more so to people whose jobs were affected by covid and were laid off. My brother lost not one day of work during the pandemic. He works as a medical tech in an optometrist office. He also did 8 years in the USAF. He just apparently stopped paying his rent. Last Aug I found out that when that moratorium was lifted and people now owed all that back rent my mom and two of my sisters had to go in together and loan him around $5000 to get his rent caught back up or they were going to evict him. My mom took money she was going to use for her dental work and gave it to my brother. Rent paid, crisis averted. Yesterday I get an email from one of my sisters telling me that my brother and nephew were being evicted from their apt yet again and they they had to be out by days end. So now he's back at our parent's house with his 24 year old son sleeping again on their sofa and living room floor. My brother never required that his son help out with bills and he admitted that there would be times when a month would go by and they never eve see each other in the apt. Here's the kicker. The Tahoe that he's driving he recently wrecked by running into the back of another person because he was listening to the radio and wasn't paying attention. The plates on his truck expired in Nov of 2020 so he's been driving around with expired plates for more than a year. Given that he had to put his truck in the shop to get it fixed his insurance deductible is $500. The damage was only to the front bumper and it was not preventing him from driving his truck. That repair could have waited. He should have put that $500 on his rent. Well, he then sends out a text to the family group chat showing everyone the new Cadillac rental car he was getting while his truck was in the shop. Again, it appears to be all about status and how he looks. In Sept of last year his church, where he is a deacon, had their anniversary gala which was a formal affair so he goes out and buys a new tux and the whole package to impress the people at his church. Again, if you know you're getting behind on your rent you say no to some things and cut out other things. I told my sister that as a 52 year old man I would be ashamed to look my mom and sisters in the face after literally blowing the $5000 they gave me to help keep me in my place and now several months later getting evicted anyway because he's gotten behind on his rent yet again. My oldest sister had a talk with him and our nephew saying that every week each of them would be giving my parents $100 a week to stay there and they only had 2 or 3 months to find another place and get out. The other siblings are totally on board with it. The problem is that mom won't put them out after those 3 months, but I bet my sister will. It's going to be very hard to find a new place with an eviction on your record. He's got his priorities in the wrong place. What do you say to them?
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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 1,037 • Replies: 9
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jespah
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Jan, 2022 11:54 am
@Barry2021,
You say nothing.

Stay out of it.

He's a big boy, and he's got big boy problems. They are neither your circus, nor are they your monkeys.

So, keep out of it unless it affects you personally. And, right now, it doesn't. Now, if he comes crawling to your home to try to get a place to crash, then it does. If he steals from your mother, then it does. If he tries to get you to cosign a loan or a lease, then it does.

Right now, don't borrow this trouble. You got enough going on. Don't add to that.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Jan, 2022 11:57 am
@jespah,
Completely agree. Why would you want to get involved? Maybe your stepson and the other two can share a place, lol.
0 Replies
 
engineer
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Jan, 2022 11:58 am
@jespah,
jespah wrote:

You say nothing.

Yep, that is exactly my thought. This is not your problem to solve, stay as far away as you can.
Barry2021
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Jan, 2022 12:10 pm
@engineer,
engineer wrote:

jespah wrote:

You say nothing.

Yep, that is exactly my thought. This is not your problem to solve, stay as far away as you can.


I agree with everyone. It is none of my problem. I just can't for the life of me figure out why he didn't pay his rent after getting back to a zero balance with the help of my mom and sisters. I wouldn't be able to look either of them in the face again, much less, ask my mom can we move back home for a little while.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Jan, 2022 12:57 pm
@engineer,
engineer wrote:

jespah wrote:

You say nothing.

Yep, that is exactly my thought. This is not your problem to solve, stay as far away as you can.


Another...nothing.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Jan, 2022 12:59 pm
@Barry2021,
Barry2021 wrote:


. I just can't for the life of me figure out why he didn't pay his rent after getting back to a zero balance with the help of my mom and sisters. I wouldn't be able to look either of them in the face again, much less, ask my mom can we move back home for a little while.


He is an idiot with little conscience... That is why you cannot understand him...most reasonable people would not understand his actions.
Barry2021
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Jan, 2022 04:51 pm
@Linkat,
Linkat wrote:

Barry2021 wrote:


. I just can't for the life of me figure out why he didn't pay his rent after getting back to a zero balance with the help of my mom and sisters. I wouldn't be able to look either of them in the face again, much less, ask my mom can we move back home for a little while.


He is an idiot with little conscience... That is why you cannot understand him...most reasonable people would not understand his actions.


It's simple logic. If you don't get paid but twice a month and if your rent is $1200 a month, when you get the first pay check, you either pull $600 out and put in an envelope or you spend down till you only have $600 left then you don't touch the rest. The next time you get paid you put the other $600 to what you already have and your rent is covered for the next month. You don't do extra stuff if you can't afford it. You don't go buy groceries in bulk when there's only 2 of you in the house. And if son isn't financially helping out then he would buy his own groceries and cook his own food. By 52 years of life you should have most things figured out. Pay your rent first. If that means you have to live in the dark for a while because your power has been cut off then you sit in the dark. You do without cable and internet. Those are luxuries, not necessities. You don't go to formal galas if your rent is behind. You live with a dent in your truck. A bent bumper isn't' stopping you from driving it. And you definitely don't text the family the picture of the Cadillac rental your you're getting. It's like you're thumbing it up in the face of everyone. You need to grow up.

Mame
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Jan, 2022 05:19 pm
@Barry2021,
I'd say it was because people keep bailing them out. Your mom and sisters, and to some extent your father, bail out your delinquent brother and you and your wife are bailing out her son.
0 Replies
 
Medusax
 
  1  
Reply Fri 21 Jan, 2022 03:13 pm
@Barry2021,
You cannot "teach" common sense or money management. I know a woman
and her mom who lost a house due to gambling and blamed everyone and everything else except themselves. You own this person nothing. You just keep on being a responsible person and taking care of you. This individual's problem is just that: THEIR problem.
0 Replies
 
 

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