4
   

Just need support from my A2K fam- Mental Illness

 
 
Reply Mon 4 Oct, 2021 07:48 pm
Hey All,

I don't post often... but there are many of you that know me. This isn't something I can post on Facebook and scream to the world. I just need to let it all out. So here it goes.

The person I love the most is gone, barely a trace of who he was. He is suffering from a sudden mental illness, no warning at all. He thinks I am doing insane things and I am orchestrating and plotting against him (there is so much more). This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with (and I've been through one hell of a divorce).

My family is telling me/ pushing me to do things, which I know deep down are correct, but I am having a hard time with it because of how much I love him. I am actually afraid to hurt his feelings despite the hurt I've received over the past two months. I know that makes me sound crazy but it's hard to look at someone, see the person you love and hear someone else speaking in their voice. I hope he's going to come back sanity and we will figure out what is wrong but I know I may have lost him forever; especially as I have kids to think about. I am at a loss. I am at a horrible crossroads and have nobody to talk to.

I don't want to put in too much detail, there is so so so much. So many tears have been cried, so many people affected... but he's the "love of my life" in the appropriate terms. It was this sudden unexpected change, a completely different person. I've been through hell and I know if I just keep going, there will be an end. It's been two long months. Hospitals, phone calls, things in person, hearing horrible things and knowing it's not them. I just need some extra strength.

I am tired and I just feel so alone. I am trying to hold it all together.

Any advice, support or just someone telling me it'll be ok would be amazing. I am just tired of feeling so alone and holding it all together while wanting to just fall apart.
 
roger
 
  3  
Reply Mon 4 Oct, 2021 07:56 pm
@Crazielady420,
All I have to offer is sympathy, and maybe something approaching empathy. I had a sister with Alzheimer's, but that's not really the same. If it seems permanent, the best solution is some sort of facility. It sounds cold, but sometimes you really just have to look out for yourself. Sorry I can't offer anything else.
Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Oct, 2021 07:59 pm
@roger,
Thank you. He is currently in the hospital right now. The second time over the past two months. Every time they think he's better, he comes home and gets worse.

I am sorry to hear that about your sister, I know that is a very hard thing to watch someone go through.
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  2  
Reply Tue 5 Oct, 2021 02:53 am
When I worked for the Department of Social Security as a visiting officer I had to see another of pensioners.

One thingI was told early on was that if you have a couple and one of them thinks they may have dementia it's the other one who has it.

Onecommon misconception about dementia is that the sufferers are confused. They're not, they're delusional, and they're certain of their delusions, and pity the poorsod who tries to put them right.

I had a similar thing when my wife wasdying from breast cancer, cancerous cells had got into her spinal fluid and she was saying all sorts of deranged stuff. A spinal shunt brought her back to reality before the end.

There's not a lot to say other than medicine is advancing quite rapidly in this area, and that you have very good doctors.

None of that stops this being a horrible time you make a bit of spaceport yourself and take care.
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Oct, 2021 04:30 am
@Crazielady420,
I don't know what to say, just offering my ears and hugs.
Joeblow
 
  3  
Reply Tue 5 Oct, 2021 05:20 am
@Crazielady420,
Hey Crazielady,

All the heartbreak, fear, and worry take such a toll. Isolation heightens the stress, and exhaustion, so I'm really glad you reached out.

I do have a few questions that might help you gather your thoughts. None of them have to be answered here, but are some of the things I would be examining if I found myself in your shoes. The most immediate thing is are you and the children safe with him at home?

What do the doctors recommend? Is he at all on board with them? Did he self admit to the hospital, or was he formed?

Is there a diagnosis? I think much could depend on that. Drug induced psychosis? Late onset schizophrenia? Bipolar 1 or 2? Early onset dementia? Head injury?



Linkat
 
  3  
Reply Tue 5 Oct, 2021 05:59 am
I am so sorry to hear this. Please go ahead and vent any way you need - we are listening ...
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  2  
Reply Tue 5 Oct, 2021 06:36 am
I have a similar experience... I have a travel buddy who had a mental breakdown August 2020. She's been to the psych ward 3 times this year (and possibly more). The last time, she was screaming at the top of her lungs off the roof of her condo bldg threatening to throw her beloved dog off the roof. She will not stay on her meds. And she self-medicates with pot all day long. She texts everybody and anybody long rambling pages inviting you to a party on her roof, accusing you of this or that, etc. This last time she was really out of control in her rantings and I chose to block her. She, like your loved one, is not the same person.

You can love and support him, but you and your family are the ones you need to look out for. People with mental illnesses can be unpredictable, which can be dangerous.

Is there a crisis centre or mental illness group you can connect with? Sort of like Al-Anon? You need to be part of a support group, I think. Hearing others' stories plus receiving encouragement and support might help you get through this.

Best of luck.
Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Oct, 2021 09:24 am
@izzythepush,
He is very delusional right now. We're still waiting for a diagnosis. It truly is horrible. I am sorry to hear about your wife.
Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Oct, 2021 09:25 am
@jespah,
Thank you. I accept virtual hugs. I can't get a hug from the one person that I would turn to most now.
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Oct, 2021 09:33 am
@Crazielady420,
It was a long time ago.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

It's not him, it's the disease. I know it's hard not to get upset when certain things are said, but it isn't him.
0 Replies
 
Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Oct, 2021 09:34 am
@Joeblow,
I am going through all the things you listed and I am completely heartbroken. This is devastating.

Children are safe, I went to the court and filed a restraining order, in case he gets out of the hospital without my knowledge.

The doctors are trying to figure out what caused he. He was completely normal and then just snapped. He's paranoid and it is all directed at me. He thinks I am the sick person and I am doing this to him because I am sick. He was taken to the hospital by the doctors, it was not willing. We tried to get him to self admit but he didn't and the doctors wanted him there because he didn't show up when he said he would. He is not on board because he thinks nothing is wrong and he thinks he should be released.

No Diagnosis. We are waiting for an MRI. We are trying to see if it was drug induced with an unknown substance that may not show up on a tox screen. We are looking into all mental illness, namely the ones you have named. His is an alcoholic, so it could be a factor. He also could have hit his head when he was drunk, could have a brain tumor. We're pretty much back at square one. This is the second time he's been there and he got worse after his first stay last month. He was also sent to detox and has been alcohol free since 8/27.

Everyone is at a loss. He thinks I am putting surveillance on him, tapping his phone. That I have been planning this since the day I met him (we've been together just shy of 7 years). He thinks I am a sociopath and that this is a big game to me. It's horrible being the main source his paranoia is directed at. He hears God speaking to him, said there is a demon in his head. He had moments of clarity but I haven't seen one of those in a few days. He's just gone. Suddenly gone.

He was complaining of hearing loss in one ear, headaches, his blood pressure is through the roof and he's lost a lot of weight. He's not taking care of himself anymore.

I feel like life just crumbled into a million pieces. My family wants me to move on completely and I am not ready to stop fighting for him to get help and a diagnosis. I am stuck in a nightmare.
Crazielady420
 
  3  
Reply Tue 5 Oct, 2021 09:37 am
@Mame,
He is very angry and aggressive right now. They are trying to figure out what medication to give him and get his diagnosis. He drinks a lot and could have been self-medicating with that. His texts went from a short answer to a book of texts in a row. He doesn't make sense sometimes and he speaks so much that you can't keep up. He is a relatively quiet person.

I've reached out to a local therapist, to see if they can help me work through it. I've also looked into Al-Anon too.

Thank you.
izzythepush
 
  2  
Reply Tue 5 Oct, 2021 10:03 am
@Crazielady420,
It can be very frightening, there's a feeling of coming ungrounded, nothing makes sense.

My wife would talk about family members who did not exist, imaginary brothers and sisters. If I dared suggest they weren't real she would get very angry.

When she was fixed on something she wouldn't budge. I'm just lucky I had my eldest on hand, otherwise I would have doubted my sanity.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Oct, 2021 10:46 am
@Crazielady420,
She was diagnosed with PTSD due to childhood trauma (and she's 63 now) for which she never solicited or received counselling, as well as Bi-Polar, which she doesn't accept. She's on some kind of anti-depressant (for years) and her pot. Won't take anything else. I feel really sorry for her - she's a hot mess. I wish I could help her, but I can't. I can't even listen to her.

I truly hope your guy gets a proper diagnosis... but then, he has to take his meds. Keep us updated, if you like. All the best to you.
0 Replies
 
Joeblow
 
  3  
Reply Wed 6 Oct, 2021 05:54 am
@Crazielady420,
Just so sorry to hear it. Not to be cliche, but I'm hoping you got some rest and a good meal. Maintaining balance in your own life will be essential in the coming months, however things unfold. It could be Wernicks, or any one of a dozen things and abstinence will almost certainly be part of the recomendations for him.

Fear and grief can be all consuming and I'm really glad you're looking for a therapist. I also think Mame's suggestion of a support group is a good one. For example, Al-Anon can help you identify the changes you may need to make in yourself, so you don't continue to feel this way. Somewhere in my travels over the years I heard the expression "compassionate witness, not co-sufferer." For me, it was something to aspire to. Hang in there.
Crazielady420
 
  2  
Reply Thu 14 Oct, 2021 06:00 am
@Joeblow,
Thank you. I will take that expression with me, going forward. It fits 100%.

I did end up seeing a therapist. I am focusing on myself more now and no longer trying to figure out what it could. I just have to accept it for what it is now and hope that someday he does get better.
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

 
  1. Forums
  2. » Just need support from my A2K fam- Mental Illness
Copyright © 2021 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.03 seconds on 10/19/2021 at 12:32:28