How to deal with my sister in law

Hey there, not sure where to begin but here I go. When I first met my sister in law 7 years ago, I was 19 and she was 27. I loved her right off the bat the night I met her and a year later, I found out she told my then boyfriend that she didn't like me as a joke. I guess this really upset him and he told his mom about it, which led to the mom telling his sister his feelings were hurt. She apologized and that was that. She thought it was just her being a protective older sister. She likes to treat my fiance like a kid and so does her husband... they make fun of him and treat us like kids. It's not a fun feeling.

Over the last 7 years, it's been a rocky road for his sister and myself. I either REALLY love her and love her company or can't STAND her. It's clear my mother in law favors her over her two sons and unfortunately does and says whatever her daughter tells her to do. With that said, my sis in law runs the family. She makes our plans, and it feels like no one gets a say other than her. My fiance is the youngest and although he has different views when the planning is made, he never speaks up and says what he wants. So we then just do whatever his sister wants.

I find this to be extremely frustrating. One, because I'm a (respectful) outspoken person when the time permits and don't feel I can say something to her since she's family, and second, I'm the oldest in my family so I'm used to being the one who plans for everyone. Do my sister in law and myself sound a like here? Yes, but I feel I consider my family's opinions and wants when I plan.

For example, just last week, we canceled our family vacation due to the pandemic getting bad again and ended up heading somewhere local for a few nights. My mother in law even had us over for breakfast to talk about the new plan and to see what we wanted to do over those few days. We discussed and by the time we got to the beach, we didn't end up doing anything at all. We sat on the beach each day... I wondered what happened to the plans and realized his sister wanted to stay in. And... my mother in law complied once again.

I'm disappointed with the attitude I held over those 3 days. I was annoyed I took time off of work to sit on the beach all day (I hate to sound ungrateful.) And that his sister was controlling our time and plans. I also found it rude of my mother in law to ask us to take time off to just sit around for a few days. I could have been doing something else with my fiance, since we love to camp, etc.

To add, my sis in law brought her dog and the dog ran the show with her. My fiance and I had to sleep on the couch to ensure his sister had a master bedroom since her dog likes to roam at night and needs a door to keep him enclosed. I thought that was fine, until I realized the area my fiance and I were sleeping in had a sliding door... they could have slept where we slept but I just had to let it go. I was then annoyed over the sleeping arrangements because the door right next to our couch was used to take their dog out to the bathroom at 6 a.m. each morning. It then made sense to me that they should have slept where we were sleeping... I was made to be woken up that early each morning.

I found myself staying in my area and excluding myself from the family most of the trip. Anytime I tried going upstairs to hangout, their dog who is big was laying on the couch and there was no where to sit. I thought it was rude his owners didn't tell him to move. To top it off, for one dinner we did a Hawaiian theme, everyone had leis on and when I went to go find mine, I realized someone had put it on the dog, and his owners didn't try to take it off to give it to me. It's the little things I was getting upset over.

At dinner one night, my fiance opened up about an insecurity he faced for a long time, and instead of receiving sympathy or kindness, his family started making fun of him. Including his mom.... you can tell she was just going along with however her daughter was acting. It made me sad and also made me think about how if my sister in law expressed something like this, her mom would be making her feel better. By the end of the trip, my sister in law knew I wasn't her biggest fan and that has left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

I don't want to not like my sister in law, but she makes it hard. I for one know she doesn't do these things on purpose or to upset me but her actions are very annoying. It's always about her and although my fiance, his mom, brother and sister in law's husband are allowing it, I won't. What do I do?

And please don't even get me started on the time she booked her wedding date on a date we told her repeatedly that my family had a trip planned. My mother in law paid for my family to change our flights around so I could make the wedding but that was another jab.