Do I forgive my husband

Reply Thu 8 Jul, 2021 08:46 pm
My husband and I have been together for 20 years. We have two kids and recently I have been very occupied with them. It got to the stage where the kids were sleeping in our bed and I wasn't going out with him because I was too busy with the kids and we have no babysitter. My husband felt very neglected and tried to reach out to me but I ignored him. Two months ago he met a beautiful blonde girl at a family friends birthday which I did not attend. She asked for my husbands number through a friend and they started texting. Eventually the texts become so frequent that he became paranoid that I would find them so he installed signal private messenger so I could not track the messages. I found out that he had been calling her every day and texting her every other time even when I was sitting next to him on the coach watching tv (10 messages a day and one phone call a day sometimes two). He claimed they spoke about every day things. Nothing about love. They had met twice in the two months. Once for a bike ride that was a lunch date and the other a stay in the hotel room booked for two night. When I found out he claimed they were only every really friends. He said that she made him feel good by constantly giving him compliments. When asked about the hotel room he claimed that they only kissed the first night and he eventually pushed her away as he realized this is not what he wanted. He stayed one night with her and a whole day but came home the next night(one day earlier than expected). He said that he thought of me the whole time and how wrong it was. When I asked why he had not come home earlier he said he needed time to process what he was going to say to me. He told me the whole story as soon as he came home and looked really distressed. He said that he had a lot of confused emotions and felt like he needed to spend time with this girl to figure out what he wanted in our marriage. The thought of sleeping with her he said was not an option. It was more emotional. He said it had nothing to do with her or me it was more about how he was feeling at the time and was trying to figure out what our marriage meant to him and whether it was worth salvaging it. He ended blocking her number after her constantly texting him to ask whether he was OK and whether there was anything she could do to help him. His also made a lot of effort since then and has given me access to his phone and lets me know where he is at all times. Is it possible for a man not to feel any sexual attraction for a women and use her as a way to discover how he was feeling about the marriage and what our relationship meant to him? I'm confused because why a hotel room and a weekend away? Is this whole emotional feeling true that there can be no sexual attraction to a person? Can I have some thoughts please. I am really struggling to understand him.
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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 409 • Replies: 5
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Reply Thu 8 Jul, 2021 08:51 pm
The hotel room is a red flag. It's spending money.

Why spend cash (which can be found out) when you're not sure or it's just for pals?
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Reply Thu 8 Jul, 2021 10:03 pm
I couldn't read past the first 2 - 3 sentences - it was a brick wall of words. So, sorry, I don't know what you're talking about.
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Reply Thu 8 Jul, 2021 11:15 pm
Get the kids out of your bed...I suggest you get counseling and try to figure out why you pushed your husband so far away....actually counseling for both of you and maybe forgive him and hope he can forgive you.
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Reply Fri 9 Jul, 2021 05:18 am
Oh, there was sexual tension and desire there - don’t doubt that! But according to him, it was all not worth throwing away his marriage. That’s a good sign for you and him.

You need to accept some responsibility for how this all happened. Bringing children into the marital bed is not a good idea. You too must work together to put a stop to that.

Work on your marriage together. It sounds like you two got into a complacent place with each other and drifted apart.

Do you have date nights? They don’t have to cost much, maybe even just going for a walk together - without the kids.

Do you look the very best that you can? Maybe just a good haircut and color.

Pay more attention to your man than to this outsider who is no longer there.

Reply Fri 9 Jul, 2021 06:54 am
I'd agree with the above and punkey.

I do think there was the thought of sex -- booking a hotel room is certainly key, but it seems like there was no sex. He probably planned it and then when it came down to it he realized it was not worth it for the sake of your marriage.

Like Punkey said all of this is positive.

Kids in bed with you - no not good. Unless say it is a one night thing - kid had a really scary dream, but not every night and it should be the exception and not the rule. Not good for you two as a couple and not good for the kids. Kids need to learn to sleep on their own. They also need to learn how to deal with the scary dream (if that is the case).

Just remember the kids grow up (and quicker than you realize - my youngest leaves for college this fall) - you need to be a couple as well as a parent. The kids will benefit from having a happy and content mommy and daddy and leaving them say with a babysitter or to sleep on their own will only help them to mature and grow into an older child, then a teen and gulp eventually on their own to be an independent young adult. You do need to slowly give your kids some space on their own - this is also open you both up to be more a couple - positives for the whole family.

How old are the kids?

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