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Wed 20 Jul, 2005 05:06 am
I know the porn thing has been stated and re-stated...but not only is my husband looking at porn on the internet, but he is intentionally looking for web sites revealing teenage " looking" girls...."Ripe and Ready". Im not sure what to make of it and haven't been able to bring myself to talk about it with him. We do not have a great sex life and we are currently seeing a therapist for other issues. Listen-the girls that he views have little boobies, no pewbs. and braces for godsakes. Im really upset. What do I do?
First off, welcome to A2K and I'm very sorry this is happening.
Obviously, this is troubling on many levels. It's not, at least not completely, an issue with your sex life. Rather, it seems to be an issue of misplaced desire. Certainly it's inappropriate, and seems to be skirting legality if not already over the line (it's certainly over the line if the girls are underage; difficult to tell from the description you're giving, but that seems likely).
It's good that you're seeing a therapist. May I ask, do you have children? Do you believe they are at risk in any way? If so, then the time to act is now, and not wait for the other shoe to drop.
What do I mean vis a vis shoe-dropping? Well, police departments often run sting operations on such sites. If your husband gets himself into a one-on-one chat situation or the like (which isn't guaranteed to happen 100% of the time, but it seems to have at least some degree of likelihood), he may find himself talking to a 45-year-old male police officer. And then you all will be, while that officer, with a valid search warrant, scans your computer for child porn. Plus, of course, there would be a warrant for your husband's arrest.
If you want to talk to him, and try to salvage things, I think you need to act sooner rather than later. Even if he is never caught, that will hang over everyone's head -- and he could very well be caught when you all least expect it. Rock star Gary Glitter was arrested for possession of child porn when it was found on his hard drive when he brought his computer into the shop for service. And, since you are over 18 and you are aware of what's going on, you could find yourself in trouble as well.
I urge you to present the facts to your husband -- that this is illegal and he could find himself in jail for what he probably sees as a bit of fun. If you cannot do this, ask your therapist to help you confront him. It's his freedom, and possibly yours, that's at stake.
Oh, and if you tell him and he still refuses to stop? Then you need to consider getting outta Dodge. Someone who cares so little about whether his spouse gets into trouble with the law is the very antithesis of a loving husband.
I wish you well.
This could turn bad real fast. Even if your husband is currently only viewing those who have a 'teen appearance' the simple fact that he is doing this could indicate a serious problem on his part. Add to this that he may end up viewing (and even downloading images...still photos, videos or both) of persons who are under legal age. Perhaps a 12 or 13 year old who appears to be 17 or 18 and is in the banner headlines listed as being 20 (headlines such as girls as old as 20 to 25) whereas the small print on page 4 of the website, the one just before final entry into the area where the photos are, will indicate that they even have some illegal pictures. Your husband could end up in jail for a long time, and if convicted he could (depending upon local jurisdiction and laws) be listed for life as a sex offender.
Another matter to think on here, is that if his interests are in younger girls (small breasts, no pubic hair, braces etc.) and it currently is just viewing there is the distinct possibility that he could end up acting out his fantasy in real life. Do you really want to subject a young girl to that possibility? You indicate that you are both seeing a therapist for 'other issues'. well please, for his sake as well as yours, get him into therapy for this matter as quickly as possible, before he ends up on the evening news being led off to jail in an orange jumpsuit with his wrists and ankles bound together with chains.
now Im a little nervous because I didn't realize that these "pics" could be illegal to look at. They are dot com addresses and in fact it appears that the pics can be easily accessed thru the pichunter site. I don't think my husband is paying for access to sites or chatting on-line. Belive me, these girls are not babies..and I don't know if they really are underage....none the less it is still something that is disturbing and embarrassing to me. Im wondering where his mind is and is this normal?
It depends. If this is a fantasy, it could be completely harmless. If he is actually looking into getting with little girls, then I would be concerned.
sxx123xx--
Welcome to A2K.
You write:
Quote:We do not have a great sex life and we are currently seeing a therapist for other issues
Do you have any reason to believe that children could be in danger?
Are you willing to risk teeny porn being found on the household computer?
Your comment implies that your marriage is not in good shape. Your answers to the above questions will indicate what you should do next.
Can you talk to your husband at all?
Teen porn is probably the most sought after thing on the net. Guys like young girls. Plus, about this issue of legality? That is the least of your worries, I would think. I am pretty sure that underage girls are not easy to find. I would think that he would REALLY have to be into that sort of thing to get something like that. Unless he's a serious pedophile (which I would think you'd have some idea of, being married to the little perv and all), I would not worry about that.
kickycan wrote: Unless he's a serious pedophile (which I would think you'd have some idea of, being married to the little perv and all), I would not worry about that.
Quite often it is the spouse who is the last to know of their mates mental illness. This does not just apply to pedophiles either, think about the wife of Dennis Rader (of BTK notoriety). She lived with a man for more than 20 years and had not a clue. If you look at news listings of sex offenders, many of them are married, some even in seemingly happy unions and yet they are prowling about for children and other prey. Yes. Married men with children are out raping other children. And not just men. Remember Mary Kay LaTorneau? She was married and had children and began an affair with an 11 year old.
It may start with simple pictures on the internet but what happens that day when it goes one step further and the person decides they have to have actual contact with a live body and that photos and videos just aren't doing it any more?
As for website access, yes, there are several out there which are easy to access; however, the bigger issue here is downloading. That, in and of itself in many places is an illegal offense, punishable with jail time and a record as a sex offender.
By the way kickycan...is there something
other than a "serious pedophile"? Pedophilia in all forms is a serious matter and not one to be taken lightly.
Bella Dea wrote:It depends. If this is a fantasy, it could be completely harmless. If he is actually looking into getting with little girls, then I would be concerned.
I hate to break this to you, Bella, but if a man in a marriage having sex issues is looking at kiddie porn, it AIN'T "completely harmless".
snood wrote:Bella Dea wrote:It depends. If this is a fantasy, it could be completely harmless. If he is actually looking into getting with little girls, then I would be concerned.
I hate to break this to you, Bella, but if a man in a marriage having sex issues is looking at kiddie porn, it AIN'T "completely harmless".
Hate to break it to you snood, but this isn't kiddie porn. Looking at a 16 year old girl can be like looking at a 22 year old, the way they dress and make themselves up. Not to mention, fantasy is fantasy. Some people fantisize about being raped but do they really want it? Nope. You need to learn the difference between fantasy and real life. It doesn't sound like this guy is a perv to me. But then again, what do I know?
And I didn't say it was completely harmless. I said it COULD be. Read my posts better before you nail me for saying something I didn't say.
Teen porn?
Teeny porn?
Quote: Listen-the girls that he views have little boobies, no pewbs. and braces for godsakes. Im really upset. What do I do?
I have only theoretical information about porn on the internet, but it sounds to me as though this guy doesn't mind little rolls of baby fat on the females he's viewing.
Re: husband is looking at Teen-porn
xx123xx wrote:Listen-the girls that he views have little boobies, no pewbs. and braces for godsakes. Im really upset. What do I do?
I missed that the first time around. That bothers me. Those are not teens. Those are kids. There is a difference.
Could you clarify?
Are we talking about illegal pornography with real kids, or are we talking about legal pornography with legal adult (i.e. over 18) models which presents a adolescent fantasy.
There is a big difference.
ebrown_p wrote:Could you clarify?
Are we talking about illegal pornography with real kids, or are we talking about legal pornography with legal adult (i.e. over 18) models which presents a adolescent fantasy.
There is a big difference.
Exactly. Kids versus women dressed up as young teens are very different. Are the women shaved, or have they truly not developed hair yet?
Real kids, virtual kids--this is not healthy, he-man porn.
How do you judge "healthy, he-man" porn (not having experience with this of course)?
Somehow I don't think (hypothetically of course) that people looking at porn care about healthy, or he-man. Hypothetically speaking, one who looks at porn is looking for a thrill and a fantasy... something different. It is supposed to push the edge.
I would agree that there are some images that would probably make me uncomfortable to know people were looking at even knowing that it was faked using adults. But this seems a judgement call, and after all, pornography by definition pushes the limits of taste.
I am a bit curious on what the images were. If you remember the Asian twins in the latest Austin Powers movie... these were adult actresses dressed to exude a adolescent sexuality that included ponytails and schoolgirl uniforms. A friend once told me that (hypothetically) this is a pretty common fantasy of adult males.
Is this what we are talking about? Or is it somthing else?
Sturgis wrote:kickycan wrote: Unless he's a serious pedophile (which I would think you'd have some idea of, being married to the little perv and all), I would not worry about that.
Quite often it is the spouse who is the last to know of their mates mental illness. This does not just apply to pedophiles either, think about the wife of Dennis Rader (of BTK notoriety). She lived with a man for more than 20 years and had not a clue. If you look at news listings of sex offenders, many of them are married, some even in seemingly happy unions and yet they are prowling about for children and other prey. Yes. Married men with children are out raping other children. And not just men. Remember Mary Kay LaTorneau? She was married and had children and began an affair with an 11 year old.
Agreed.
Sturgis wrote:It may start with simple pictures on the internet but what happens that day when it goes one step further and the person decides they have to have actual contact with a live body and that photos and videos just aren't doing it any more?
The way you put this, it leads me to think that you are trying to say that it will almost certainly lead to worse behavior, which is complete bullshit.
Sturgis wrote:As for website access, yes, there are several out there which are easy to access;
Really? And how would you know that?
Sturgis wrote:By the way kickycan...is there something other than a "serious pedophile"? Pedophilia in all forms is a serious matter and not one to be taken lightly.
Agreed. My apologies for the unintentional inference.
xx123xx, Talk to a professional.
amigo--
Quote:We do not have a great sex life and we are currently seeing a therapist for other issues.
Not a great sex life.
Other problems in the marriage.
Teeny porn.
Yes, I know,still thinking about this one.(missread that sentence,total screwup,totally wrong about whole thing,i'm outta here).
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