I have seen parents do the cry it out method as well, and I cant fathom it working. I have seen parents completely look the other way and the child crying an abvious ' pain' cry, or 'fear' cry.And then explain that they want thier child to learn to soothe themselves.
But again, diffrent things work for diffrent kids and parents.
With Jillian, I have learned that a little self time helps her. Alot of times she is startled by something that just takes her a second or two to realize it is really ok.
When she wakes up screaming in the morning, I am finally to the point where I dont break my neck racing up the stairs to get to her because I know that is .. just how she wakes up. This doesnt mean that I sit down stairs, finish a cup of coffee.. or the dishes or what have you. I put down what I am doing, if I need to I wash my hands first.. then just go get her. Her screams are not ' emergency' anymore.. they are routine.
I feel that if I respond as if there IS an emergency everytime she howls, she will think that is the only way to get my attention. I want to show her that no matter what is wrong, I will be there. I know there is no problem. I have even gone as far as to sweep out every corner of her room, clean the window sills and other small places to make sure there are no spiders to bite her. Her cries at this point simply mean she is awake. Her discomfort is attended to.. but not with a panicked mother. If I approach her every time she cries, panicked, freaked out and scared myself, she will get to the point that , that reaction is only what comforts her. A neutral happy mom is what I always want to be, so that is what I give her.
In my mind, calm happy smiling mommy is more efficient then the one who is tired from racing up the stairs at break neck speed.
I have never been one for the complete cry it out method. I think in small amounts it can be a VERy effective parenting tool. Like Linkat said.. a little reassurance is perfect. But to step in and do everything for the child creates dependance.
Keeping this mindset is painful for parents. You ALWAYS want to do everything for your child, but learn quickly that it is next to impossible and actually hinders your child from learning how to be thier own person. Night sleeping being a great example . We all wake up at night. We all toss and turn but over the years of life we have learned to get comfortable and get back to sleepon our own. Usually well enough that we dont remember it in the morning.
Kids do the same thing. They toss, turn, wake up etc. My take on it is that , they need a minute to get back to sleep just like I do when I wake up. If I race in there and pick her up, rock her, then she will NEVER get back to sleep because I have just completely woke her up. Make sense?
I started this from the get go. Stayed with her all night in her room when she first started sleeping in her room by herself. Slowly backed away and reduced my ' responce' time. Now she sleeps fine all night long. Doesnt need me to put her back to sleep and sleeps the typical 12 hours a child does at her age. Her screams in the morning really caught me off guard, but have now become 'norm'. The only diffrent thing I do for her is to rock her for a few minutes in the morning to help ease her. I believe that keeping her morning ritual has helped her tons with the morning fear. The amount of time she cries now has reduced dramatically. Even the pitch she had has dropped. I believe it is because I have stuck to her rituals, have not freaked out and have stayed calm during the times she wasnt able to calm herself.
But.. again.. things are diffrent for every child.