Mommy, Im scared of my bed...or is it my room?

Ya-ya had sleeping problems for maybe a week after we took our trip. Not quite as severe as what you're describing, but similar.

Listening in here, I think picking up is a good idea, am not as sure as you are that it should be a hard and fast rule not to.

But I'll wait for words from the more expert.

I am thinking , given the big changes she just went though, that picking up may be a great solution.
Simply because
She KNOWS I will be there,
she is USED to me leaving
she is familiar with her routine

but still feels insecure.... ( if that is what is going on)




How long did it take ya-ya?
Did you end up doing anything diffrent for her?

It sounds like it to me.

it wasnt that it was a rule set in stone about not picking her up. there have been variences to that.

sickness- extremely late night where she gets to bed later then usual and has a hard time falling asleep- and sometimes i just wanna hold her more. :-)
It has been more of a 'it isnt broken so dont fix it' type of mind set.
It has proven to have given her some great sleeping habits and given adults really peaceful evenings and sleepFUL nights.
I guess im afraid of taking that lesson away and stirring her up beyond repair.
Of course, realistically, that shouldnt happen.

She may being going into a needy period if you pick her up. But, hey.

I am not an experienced mother, older woman that I am. (other stories, other times).

KONK!!!

Silly, your Mommy intuition has kicked in. You just have to trust it. You want to pick her up. Go ahead. You aren't going to do any harm in trying it to see what happens.

We didn't really do anything different; just tried to make sure we were Johnny-on-the-spot if she started to cry.

At 15 months she's really moving into the separation anxiety phase. That could definitely be a factor, too.

Plus, she met these people and then they're not there any more. Perhaps she's afraid of the same happening to you? Reassure her that mommy always comes back.

Memories of a "Baby songs" video played a billion-gazillion times.

"Don't Wash My Blankie Today" and "Mommy Comes Back" were favorites I can still sing word for word after 13 years!

Been there shewolfnm! My older daughter is terrible with this. Whenever we travel - we end up with several sleepless nights because of the change in her routine. She never wants to sleep in her own room/bed after we travel. And yes she screamed too. The younger child is usually much better at adapting back. Different kids - different personalities.

Most likely it is the residual discomfort from the change. She has to get back to her old habits.

Not that you are a bad mommy, just normal wanting to comfort her. But by picking her up she is getting used to you doing that and will continue crying as a result. I know this because I did the same thing. It is difficult, but for me and this particular child, the best thing was to let her cry, check on her in five minutes or whatever is comfortable for you and don't pick her up, but just reassure her with your voice. I usually say something like - it is o-k, mommy's here or I am just in the next room. Then leave come back maybe a minute longer than you left her the first time - repeat, repeat, repeat. After a few days, she should be back to her routine. This is a good way, because even if she is fearful - you returning and reassuring her for a couple of seconds will make her less afraid.

Also as she my daughter is older, I tell her I will check on her in 5 minutes so she knows I will come back. I don't think that by picking her up or staying in her room or even having her sleep with you is spoiling her, but it may be spoiling your much needed rest. If you don't get a good night's sleep you will not be able to function as well during the day and as a result not be as a good mommy as you usually are. That is the exact reasoning my doctor gave me to give me the confidence to do the above routine.

Squinney -
where did you get those songs from? Do you remember the name of the song collection?
Those kinds of songs would be great right now > she is begining her 'copy cat' stage and actually mumbled her first audiable word!
" UUUhhhh Toooo FFFEEeeeee " ( one two three. ) :-)
Would love to use that copy cat desire to teach her more Mommy security!

I think I am pretty much convinced it is all seperation anxiety. IF- she woke up during the night like this, I wouldnt be so dead set on it.. but, there are no other signs of anything wrong.

Last night we had the WORST night yet. But, I didnt think ahead before I did this :

Re-arranged her room .

>sigh< Holy crap. I will have to hire a psychologist later on in her life to correct this mistake. HA! Horrible timing to decide to do that, but she got a spider bite the night before that is pretty bad. There were 2 boxes of stuff in her room semi-close to her bed that have not been touched in months . So, to keep her safe, I decided to take out the boxes, pull her bed away from the wall, dust, vacuum, polish, and sweep in all the small cracks and behind everything to try to shoo that spider out.
I didnt put her bed back in the same area in case I missed the little spider. SO- i took her in her room after I was done, shut the door and let her walk around and get used to the setting. She didnt seem the least bit bothered by it.
Come night time, after her bath, I was getting her into her night gown and she screamed so hard I thought there was a bug or something bitting her. Again while I was rocking her and despite me checking on her, her crying lasted 45 minutes after she was put in bed.
I ended up rocking her again for a while and even that didnt calm her. Though the intensity of her crying dropped significantly , it took another 10 minutes after I rocked her to get her to bed.
If it were not for the rearranged room, I would have stuck to the simple comforting of rubbing her back or just saying something to her like I usualy do.
>sigh<

Today I am going to spend more time in her bedroom, just her and I, and I think I will put her in her bed when it ISNT nap time, and see if she will play with me while I sit outide her bed....

Hey shewolf, has the situation gotten any better?

mildly. aftermoon screaming I have taken to be a norm now.
First morning screaming has pretty much stopped. Wich I am loving.
Im not yanked out of dream world by a glass shattering little voice from the next room. ;-)

I thought you might try, if picking her up is counter to your practice, sitting in the room with her until she sleeps. It sounds like you have a rocker in there, maybe you could put her in the bed, tell her you won't pick her back up but that you'll be sitting right over there. Then you could sit and rock and read or something. Maybe let her know that if it gets too noisy to read that you might have to leave. If she's really scared of her room or scared to be alone, your presence should be enough.

I hope it gets better.

Um, article today, which hits on some related matters -
back in a few minutes, as I saved it.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/02/science/02nann.html?th=&emc=th&pagewanted=print

I'm no expert and as an outside observer of cousins who let their children wail for great lengths, some years ago, I have to say, I dunno and I dunno.

I cant open the article.
It says that I have to be a member of something?

I should clarify what IS going on with bean now.
Her crying hasnt curbed so I am just treating it as 'routine'. I am not freaking out about it anymore and breaking my neck trying to search her body for bites, or other painful things.
I have put a radio in her room and I have the classical station on VERY low to help with background noise. I thought about the possibility of her being upset because the noises of the house in the morning may have been waking her up before she was ready. Her room is right next to the bathroom that her dad uses to get ready for work. I know she can hear the shower, the sink etc...
That has curbed her quite a bit!
Her crying the second she wakes up isnt as frantic anymore in the morning. It isnt the blood curdling SCREAM that scared the hell out of me. It is more of a small " Im up now.." type of cry.
I turn it off during the day , but her nap time waking is still a high pitched scream. I go get her just as if she wasnt crying and resume the regular days schedule. She gets up, gets changed, has a snack and we go outside for a while.
When I get her out of bed after her nap I spend some more time just sitting with her and rocking her until she is a little calmer. That seems to help her AFTER she has woke up, but she still wakes up bellowing.
I dont know if this is a 'problem' for her at all. I think it is just a nerve racking behavior for me. I cant be right there when she wakes up to calm her, but when she does wake up , I have begun to just hold her and rock her longer and let her calm down before we resume the day.
>sigh< Im convinced there isnt anything physically wrong with her, it is just a NEW way for her to wake up that is shattering my nerves.

It's just when she wakes up, then? She goes to sleep fine?

Most newspapers require you to register at the site to read the articles. I presume a cookie goes onto your computer and the site recognizes you next time you look up an article. It is no big deal, in my opinion.

Here's a quote from it - of course somewhat out of context. I won't quote the whole article, which is about the supernanny shows on tv.


quote -
She was particularly critical of an episode of "Supernanny" in which nanny Jo Frost told 3-year-old Chase Christensen that he was too old to drink from a bottle and must now use a sippy cup. Colleen, Chase's mother, tossed the bottle into a garbage can and Chase, in a full-blown tantrum, fished the bottle out. "To quit cold turkey seemed to me to be very mean," Ms. Samalin said.

Some of the advice may also be inappropriate, experts say. A recurrent theme on both shows is children refusing to stay in their rooms at bedtime. The solution repeatedly advocated by the nannies is to let the children cry themselves to sleep, if necessary, an approach that is similar to a technique called controlled crying, developed by Dr. Richard Ferber, director for the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Children's Hospital Boston.

With controlled crying, known popularly as Ferberizing, parents let children cry in their rooms for a set amount of time before going in to check on them. In the 20 years since Dr. Ferber outlined the approach in his book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems," parents and pediatricians have debated not only whether it works, but also whether it is a justified form of tough love or a Draconian method of discipline.

Dr. Ferber acknowledges that his method is not appropriate for all children. "Controlled crying is not a cure-all for sleep problems," he said.

Dr. Ferber said the technique was useful for changing habits that could interfere with a child's ability to sleep alone, like falling asleep in a parent's arms. But, he said, controlled crying can do more harm than good if children balk at bedtime for other reasons, such as being put to bed too early, before they are tired, or because they have genuine anxiety about being in the dark.

"If the youngster's frightened at night, making him be by himself will make matters worse," Dr. Ferber said. In that case, someone may have to sleep in the room with the child until the underlying anxiety is treated.

Even when the nannies give sound advice to common parenting problems, experts say that the turnaround time for results is unrealistic: one week for "Nanny 911" and two weeks for "Supernanny."

"There's no way that a woman can walk into someone's house and have the kids behaving in a week," Dr. Borchers said. "The challenges are going to keep coming. There are no quick fixes in parenting."

Endquote

that is an interesting article.
I have watched that repulsive show nanny911
sometimes the things the women offer for advice and control
ARE really good tips, most of the time I think they are way out of line.
Then there are other times that they are just giving common sense and are then praised as child experts. >sigh<

but the cry it out method is usefull...in beans case i dont think that will help. I have tired it before with a time limit of 7 minutes. I wanted to see if she was just crying because she had woke up and nothing more. Her crying never stopped so I assume it is just anxiety.
I believe it was Noddy that said something about the onset of dreaming at this age. And that , that is enough to startle a child into fear.
That seems like what is going on.
She isnt crying BEFORE she goes to sleep. Sometimes there is a little fuss..usually when she is TOO tired she will fuss a bit. But I would say about 98% of the time, she lays down and just gets comfortable with no problem.
It is just when she wakes up the screaming begins.
I can only describe it as if a content child just got pinched. .. and HARD.
It shattered my nerves most in the morning because I leave her bedroom door slightly open at night and have a baby monitor on my headboard. It would scare me awake and before I could even open my eyes I was running into her room thinking something was wrong.
Frazzled nerves do things to ya. ;-) hehe
I have gotten used to the behavior and still have yet to find a real reason for it. The more I think about it the more I agree with the 'dream' idea. That she is now old enough to remember her dreams and the inbetween dreaming and waking is confusing.
I can tell she is dreaming because she signs some pretty wierd things in the morning. One time she tried to make apple and car in a sentance.. ??

The radio has curbed ALOT of her morning anxiety and seems to soothe her first thing in the morning. It also helps, like I said , to drown out the morning activities.