are these things deal breakers?

Since he has less money, being cheap is the responsible thing to do. Would you feel better if he was racking up serious credit card debt?

Like lots of people who come through here, you're falling into an all or nothing mindset. If his full time job lets him start work late, then he's just taking advantage of a perk. If not, then yeah, he may be dangling like a thread there. There's no law that says you can't ask him when his work day starts.

Also - there's no law against you hiking on your own, or with friends. Couples don't have to be joined at the hip 24/7, and they don't have to have the same interests.

So see if he'll get up with you once a week to do something fun or at least different. But all 7 days? No, just no.

Also, he might be staying up late and getting up late because his mom could very well be enabling his behavior. If she's doing his wash, etc., then yeah, she probably is. People who have chores to do just plain don't have the time to stay up late and play hour after hour of World of Warcraft (or whatever), and they don't have the time to sleep a good chunk of the day away. He doesn't have to be constantly busy (no one should be). But if he's happily letting his mom wait on him hand and foot, you may want to rethink the entire relationship. Because you may be the next person he happily lets wait on him hand and foot.

Not everyone is driven, ambitious, with a Type A personality. Again, life doesn't have to be all or nothing. He can be a more laid back person but still do okay.

The question isn't so much what he'll be satisfied with, but what you will be satisfied with. Do you want children (they're expensive)? Do you want to be a homeowner? Do you want fancy clothes and other trappings of money? You don't have to sit on a gold toilet to have serious bucks. Or even not so serious bucks. But it sure is nice to not have to struggle. Think about if you'll be struggling in the future if you stay with him. If you will, then rethink things.

Oh, and massages and nice vacations are lovely, but you know what's really awesome? Having a significant retirement nest egg, being able to afford a down payment on a home, and, as I said, not struggling. Your boyfriend may seem cheap to you. But to me, you seem to be wasting money - money that you'll wish you had in the future.

Reading what you wrote, you two don't sound compatible. There is nothing wrong with that. It means you are two people who don't belong together. It sounds like you are already thinking this.

You might try talking openly with him about what you want. Focus the conversation on what you are feeling, that way you won't be blaming him. Tell him "I need to be able to plan for a future" or "I would like to be able to get up early and have coffee with you some time". It is possible that he may be able to give you some of what you need.

But it sounds like you are looking for a partner that isn't him. The best thing is to be honest and open and to end the relationship respectfully.

Tell him that the relationship was nice (I assume there were some things you enjoyed) but that it is just not what you need for the long term. Don't attack him or criticize him or blame him. It is not your job to judge him or to fix him and maybe some other person will love him as he is.

Simply tell him that it is time to move on.

When in my twenties, I had a few critical dealbreaker criteria for pursuing a relationship beyond the three-date mark. This realization came over a period of time. When I made exceptions, it often blew up on me.

One such criteria was she had to have a sense of humor. I’m a fan of word play and puns etc. So if she wasn’t tuned into that, it wasn’t going to workout .

Another was was she had to have compassion and tolerance for others as well as self. Also she had to be charitable and generous (and also generous of spirit). However, there are people who have little money but are still giving of themselves.

Whether they donate their time to social causes (meals-on-wheels, etc.) it didn’t matter. As long as it was in some way contributing to helping others, even relatives. It’s not about money, necessarily. However, when low on money (as a male) it required me to be more creative with coming up with things to do or places to go.

Lastly, if she did live at home, it was temporary unless her parents needed her help with daily activity.