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What do you make of this?

 
 
Reply Mon 21 Sep, 2020 11:40 pm
I’ve (23F) been with this guy (28) for about 1.5 months. There have been little things that he has been saying casually or in a joking manner which sort of worried me but I’m not sure if they are “red flags”.

1) He asked about my income and savings a few of times and each time I refused to tell him the details because it’s irrelevant to me. He also (in a joking manner) asked me to cover more than half of bills that we may have ie dates as I earn more than he does. He has never disclosed to me how much he makes. I don’t really care either.
2) After I agreed to be in a committed relationship, the outings to dinner and movies kind of stopped. We went out of town for a little weekend holiday but that was the most exciting thing we’ve done together since being together. I mentioned to him that maybe we need to be more romantic. Dinners and movies out, dating ect. Otherwise we’re stuck in a routine of just cooking dinner at his place everytime we see each other. He said something along the lines of ” I got you now, I can relax”. Also said in a casual and joking tone of voice. Despite the fact that I am happy to split bills and he knows that.
3) I don’t mean to sound like a spoiled princess, but during the time that I’ve been with him, there were no little gifts such as flowers that you might expect in early “honeymoon” stages of a relationship. I don’t expect expensive gifts but it’s nice when you’re being treated occasionally and you treat them back.
4) he expects me to tell my friends that he is my bf but wouldn’t tell his friends or family about me. He was keen to meet my family early on and he has met them. A couple of times that we bumped into his friends, he wouldn’t introduce me at all. I was just like on a sideline.
5) On the topic of gifts and dates out, from early days I noticed that he would recieve parcels from online shopping almost every week, but would tell me how he is struggling to budget and maybe how I should pay more than him.

I didn’t bring up the financial and gifts part of this rant because I don’t want him to think that that’s all I want. But I just feel like I’m not dating a boyfriend but rather a friend. I can buy s*** for myself, that’s not a problem, but being in a relationship, I do have a desire to be treated to these things occasionally without having to ask.
I have feelings for him but I am also trying to process the situation as objectively as possible because if that’s how it’s going to continue to be, I can’t see a potential future with him. Or am I being too harsh?
Any advice or perspective would really help
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Sturgis
 
  2  
Reply Tue 22 Sep, 2020 12:01 am
@Littletreefrog,
Quote:
...if that's how it's going to continue to be, I can't see a potential future with him.


From what you have written, I don't know what sort of future the two of you would have. Other than dinner at his place, never introducing you to people, although insisting that you tell everyone about him.

To have it go this dull in so short a time? If it happened to me, I'd end the relationship now. However, do so gently.
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maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Tue 22 Sep, 2020 05:32 pm
@Littletreefrog,
I wouldn't continue in this relationship... at least not as it is.

1) If he is in financial difficulty, he should be open about it. I personally wouldn't have any problem having most dates at home especially if there is a need to save money.

2) Saying "I got you now, I can relax" would piss me off. If I am in a relationship, I want it to be special. I would make this clear that I expect more. This doesn't mean spending much money. It does mean making an effort to make you feel special.

3) If my partner won't introduce me to their friends, that is a big red flag for me. I would make this clear. What the hell?

Your partner should make you feel special. If he doesn't, I would find someone wo does.




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