I'm so confused, am I being abused? Did I ask for it?

Reply Wed 1 Apr, 2020 07:05 pm
My partner and I have been together for 1.5 years now. He has past addiction issues, lies a lot, I feel like I'm at my whitts end. It never was physical before but as of recently it has been. I go back and forth of if I am being manipulated, or maybe it is me because I'm so frustrated over all the lying for so long. Long story short the other night I went downstairs before I went to bed, to get my weed. He will smoke all of it on me and during covid I really dont have the money to waste. I was going to take some out for him, and bring the rest upstairs. He snapped, ripped my vape out of my hand and told me he is leaving to find some than. I obviously got upset and mad, i told him to go but he cant come back (as we are in quarantine and he literally keeps just leaving and lying about things) he started backing me up in a corner fake punching me, so I admit I pushed him away. He kept doing it and doing it and I could not exit up the stairs, so I took his guitar and threw it down. Which I know was wrong. He then proceeded to say i attacked him, i was just so confused, he grabbed and slammed me into the wall onto the ground leaving bruises on numerous parts of my body, then left.

He came back today and I left his stuff in a bag outside, as I did not want to see him. When he came he rung the doorbell and accused me of stealing some of his stuff. I did not. I told him to leave to please just leave, I was very mad at this point because I had left everything in that bag that he needed so we didnt have to see one another. I was raising my voice. He then took my cell phone threw it, told me he is sick of me hitting him when I never put my hands on him at all except for pushing him away the night before when he was cornering me, I was raising my voice but I did not touch him, after he said that he took the rope on my robe and threw me to the ground, called me crazy, then left.

I'm way beyond confused at this point with everything, and i dont know if i deserved what happened. I feel like I'm so mentally drained after dealing with all of this for so long. It just seems to be getting worse and i would like some insight. Thanks
Reply Wed 1 Apr, 2020 10:19 pm
Get out of the relationship now!

He lies, he is physically abusive to you. Physical abuse does not get better or stop on its own. He would be needing long term counseling to work through whatever issues cause his terrible behaviour. Even then, you would never feel completely safe with him. Physical abuse and verbal abuse leave permanent scars, both physical and emotional.

For yourself, seek out mental health counseling to help you move forward.
Further, you should seek an order of protection.
Borat Sister
Reply Wed 1 Apr, 2020 10:29 pm
What Sturgis said.
0 Replies
Reply Thu 2 Apr, 2020 06:32 am
Toxic relationship. Mutual abuse.

These times are stressful. You want to be in the company of people who don't have a short fuse.
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Reply Thu 2 Apr, 2020 07:18 am
Don't be confused, yes, you are being abused. He is manipulating you, threatening physical violence, gas lighting you and causing physical and emotional harm. No, you didn't ask for this, it's not your fault he's an abuser.

Please file a police report about the incident and start the procedure for a restraining order.

Start building a support system around you. Notify your landlord (to see if you can change the locks & not allow him into the premises), neighbors (so they can help/notify you or the police if they see him), family and friends what's been going on. He's counting on your silence, confusion and lack of support.

Keep an emergency phone in a location that has a locked door. If he does enter, lock yourself in and call the police. Try not to escalate the situation, he wants you to react so he can keep the abuse going. Try to remain calm, and answer his questions but don't overly compensate. Again, he wants a reaction, don't give it to him.

Stay safe.

Reply Thu 2 Apr, 2020 07:24 am
What neptune said - you did not ask for it.

And remember men are physically (in most cases) physically bigger and stronger - he is at fault and trying to convince you it is all your fault - when none of it is.

I agree with filing a police report - you can get a restraining order on him.

Stay away from him and he bad for you physically and mentally.
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