I'm so confused, am I being abused? Did I ask for it?

My partner and I have been together for 1.5 years now. He has past addiction issues, lies a lot, I feel like I'm at my whitts end. It never was physical before but as of recently it has been. I go back and forth of if I am being manipulated, or maybe it is me because I'm so frustrated over all the lying for so long. Long story short the other night I went downstairs before I went to bed, to get my weed. He will smoke all of it on me and during covid I really dont have the money to waste. I was going to take some out for him, and bring the rest upstairs. He snapped, ripped my vape out of my hand and told me he is leaving to find some than. I obviously got upset and mad, i told him to go but he cant come back (as we are in quarantine and he literally keeps just leaving and lying about things) he started backing me up in a corner fake punching me, so I admit I pushed him away. He kept doing it and doing it and I could not exit up the stairs, so I took his guitar and threw it down. Which I know was wrong. He then proceeded to say i attacked him, i was just so confused, he grabbed and slammed me into the wall onto the ground leaving bruises on numerous parts of my body, then left.

He came back today and I left his stuff in a bag outside, as I did not want to see him. When he came he rung the doorbell and accused me of stealing some of his stuff. I did not. I told him to leave to please just leave, I was very mad at this point because I had left everything in that bag that he needed so we didnt have to see one another. I was raising my voice. He then took my cell phone threw it, told me he is sick of me hitting him when I never put my hands on him at all except for pushing him away the night before when he was cornering me, I was raising my voice but I did not touch him, after he said that he took the rope on my robe and threw me to the ground, called me crazy, then left.

I'm way beyond confused at this point with everything, and i dont know if i deserved what happened. I feel like I'm so mentally drained after dealing with all of this for so long. It just seems to be getting worse and i would like some insight. Thanks