Do parents secretly have a favorite son or daughter?

Wow, lucky all of you...

I understand that we all have our own opinions so I'll just state mine by saying that parents don't love all of their children equally nor do they like them equally...

I'm the most unstable "child" in my family because ALL of their disciplinary actions pointed towards me... what do I mean by that? Well take for instance conflict of baby brother and myself... baby bro wins... conflict between BIG brother and myself... BIG bro wins... noticed that I didn't use younger/older as terms of my brothers even though that's what they really are...

Yes, anyways to sum it all up I don't think it's worth to even seek a PICOounce of "love", "affection" and any of those "closeness" kind of like feelings because it'll only lead you on to live a life that's very unhealthy and leave you feeling "sick" (not going to elaborate on that term). As with parents there is no love it's just for them being Chinese they only feel morally responsible and OBLIGED to raise any child they have whether they can "shower you with gold coins" or they're "just a pile of trash."

I'm not knocking on any of your opinions here my story is just way too long and an earful to go on so I'll just say, "Even the thought of believing that parents love you just sickens me and carrying any weight of such an emotion around is only a hindrance that will cripple my true dreams and desires to be my own person... to be myself... to be free..."

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I honestly feel very sorry for you that you grew up in such a home environment. But just like each child is different, each family is different. Obviously there are good family situations and bad family situations. Many family situations are such that there is great love between parent and child. And simply because of your unfortunate circumstance you did not experience does not mean that there does exist very loving family situations.

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AbleIIKnow_wong wrote:

As with parents there is no love it's just for them being Chinese they only feel morally responsible and OBLIGED to raise any child they have whether they can "shower you with gold coins" or they're "just a pile of trash."

AND - also you are lectured day in day out that when you grow up, you are supposed to make enough money to look after them and its going to hell for you if you don't look after them!! Laughing

But AbleIIKnow_wong, I can't say that my father looked after my brother and I out of "morals" alone (and remember I am chinese too) - he gave up a great job and the great life he was living to move so that he could give my brother and I an easier life-style. You may argue that this is part of the moral responsibility, but I, on my father's behalf would disagree.

And I would look after him in his old age, not because I am obliged to in the chinese sense, but because I am obliged to, as a daughter of a loving and self-sacrificing father.

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Wow Able...

I too am very sorry to hear that your past was as you portray. It must have been very hard for you growing up. Children learn what they live and then usually as adults live as they have learned. I hope you don't carry on the family tradition.

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AbleIIKnow_wong wrote:

As with parents there is no love it's just for them being Chinese they only feel morally responsible and OBLIGED to raise any child they have whether they can "shower you with gold coins" or they're "just a pile of trash."

Oh sorry, about that when I said...

shower you with gold coins = whether you live in a rich family...

just a pile of trash = the status of the child e.g. born disabled

both statements hypothetically speaking of course.

pragmatic wrote:

You may argue that this is part of the moral responsibility, but I, on my father's behalf would disagree.

When you say on his behalf do you mean you're disagreeing for him? Or do you mean you disagree? It's because if you do... well I won't get into details...

pragmatic wrote:

And I would look after him in his old age, not because I am obliged to in the chinese sense, but because I am obliged to, as a daughter of a loving and self-sacrificing father.

Well we all live different lifestyles and I'll say since your father has sacrificed so much for you (that one did you brought up probably worth a 1000 deeds to you) then I can understand why you would....

I hate to get into my life in this manner here's a portion of it... report card... 88% on 1st semester of 1st half, 84% on 1st semester of 2nd half (in another words end of 1st semester). And you know what he did!? He flipped out started yelling at me like he was gonna explode because I lost 4%... I thought for once I can be proud/happy about my grade... from that point out... I realized truly how much of a disappointment I was...

I'll leave it at that and you can judge for yourself (oh and that's only a miniscule portion of the type of person he is).

Miniscule = so tiny it might as well = nothing.

pragmatic wrote:

AND - also you are lectured day in day out that when you grow up, you are supposed to make enough money to look after them and its going to hell for you if you don't look after them!!

Oh yeah of course I'll say that I'm not a good person myself at all. I mean I know you're joking around still in all seriousness though, yeah I probably will end up in hell.

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Lady J wrote:

Wow Able...

I too am very sorry to hear that your past was as you portray. It must have been very hard for you growing up. Children learn what they live and then usually as adults live as they have learned. I hope you don't carry on the family tradition.

I know EXACTLY what you mean... please prove me wrong. I'll say this unfortunately there will be somethings I'll carry. However a few things for sure...

One I won't mention and leave you the suspense (like there's any....)

Next is to treat my children "liberally" (like in the democratic society I'm in)... sorry not going to elaborate unless if you wanted me too.

The biggest one of all is for my children when they grow up to say, "Hey I might've had a f%cked up father and even so he's always been there and has treated us well and for that I like my father." Oh yeah that's if I ever have any (I guess not with this attitude).

Other than that if I had kids I'll just have to let things be and come naturally.

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Just keep being who you are - but if you need to make changes - make them.

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AbleIIKnow_wong wrote:

When you say on his behalf do you mean you're disagreeing for him? Or do you mean you disagree? It's because if you do... well I won't get into details...

On my father's behalf, I would disagree - so generally I cant' speak for the Chinese population. That's all - I don't mean to contradict what you say about your family. To each his own.

AbleIIKnow_wong wrote:

I hate to get into my life in this manner here's a portion of it... report card... 88% on 1st semester of 1st half, 84% on 1st semester of 2nd half (in another words end of 1st semester). And you know what he did!? He flipped out started yelling at me like he was gonna explode because I lost 4%... I thought for once I can be proud/happy about my grade... from that point out... I realized truly how much of a disappointment I was...

What grade are you in? High school? My brother is in high school and not even doing 1/2 as well as you are (I don't know what subjects you do) - my brother almost failed in Maths B and Chemistry and my father got angry - furious at him - for doing so badly, and I find the anger fully justified.

But in your case, I must say that 4% is not such a big deal to get angry over, its not a signficant decrease. I'm sorry, I don't know your circumstances well enough to take sides, but according to what you have said, above, it does seem your father exaggerated abit.

But I think again that generally, you being chinese, you will understand the emphasis most parents put on their childs education.

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Hmmm... aidan with your sig. if you're trying to imply something here then it ain't happenin like that.... either that or I'm misunderstanding your sig. because my English just s@cks d!ck.

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Yeah - it does.

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pragmatic wrote:

On my father's behalf, I would disagree - so generally I cant' speak for the Chinese population. That's all - I don't mean to contradict what you say about your family. To each his own.

It's all good I don't mind hearing your opinion you're right our lives are different.

pragmatic wrote:

What grade are you in? High school? My brother is in high school and not even doing 1/2 as well as you are (I don't know what subjects you do) - my brother almost failed in Maths B and Chemistry and my father got angry - furious at him - for doing so badly, and I find the anger fully justified.

Try a person who's lost in University and has been in post-secondary for the past few years trying to gain his "confidence" back...
Yeah I know what you mean I got a 60% (C- here) and my pops popped his top off... and I'll stop there...

pragmatic wrote:

But in your case, I must say that 4% is not such a big deal to get angry over, its not a signficant decrease. I'm sorry, I don't know your circumstances well enough to take sides, but according to what you have said, above, it does seem your father exaggerated abit.

Please don't even bother taking my side because it's like what I said in the last post... I'm a bad person... I even tried reasoning with my own cousin who I adore (not sure if that's the right word since she's only a month younger than me) the most because we're alike....

However whenever it comes down to parental issues she'll ALWAYS take their side... we get in a mini argument/scuffle... which wastes our whole conversation time when I only get the slightest opportunity to talk to her (on MSN because we don't live with each other, etc.).

pragmatic wrote:

But I think again that generally, you being chinese, you will understand the emphasis most parents put on their childs education.

Yeah I understand... I understand all right... the fact that I put up with them where I listen to them to the point where I've never smoked, drank, been suspended or any of that rebellious tr@sh... yes that's right... that's how much CONTROL they always want and want to have...

To me now, all of this time is like a f.... game to them. It's like chess and I'm the PAWN. I know I'll admit that's a weak analogy.

Sorry about that it just angers and frustrates me to even give the ever so slightest mention of my parents... when I grow up I just want to some how pay them back all the $$$ dues... and just like the wind... I'm gone...

Yes, again sorry about that I just can't express myself in a friendly manner when it comes to talking about my parents... Sad

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AbleIIKnow_wong wrote:

Try a person who's lost in University and has been in post-secondary for the past few years trying to gain his "confidence" back...

Oh, so you are a past university student, I think? Then I can relate to you very much I think I am in uni myself! But one difference I guess is that my father never gets angry over my marks...except now and then when I do really badly in a mini exam which counts for say 20% and I get 13... oh, that was bad!! Rolling Eyes

AbleIIKnow_wong wrote:

Please don't even bother taking my side because it's like what I said in the last post... I'm a bad person...

I only took your side because I saw what you wrote made sense. If my brother had been in the same situation I would have taken his side because I really do not feel that 4% is a big deal. Usually, however I side with my father whenever he complains about my dad to me

AbleIIKnow_wong wrote:

However whenever it comes down to parental issues she'll ALWAYS take their side...

Similar to me. I tend to side with the more conservative side of the issues - but hey, I was born in the year of ox. We're meant to be loyal and traditional. Very Happy

AbleIIKnow_wong wrote:

Yeah I understand... I understand all right... the fact that I put up with them where I listen to them to the point where I've never smoked, drank, been suspended or any of that rebellious tr@sh... yes that's right... that's how much CONTROL they always want and want to have...

But I think that type of control you have mentioned above is a good thing - I think even families in more not so conservative socieities would encourage their children to not even THINK about drugs, smoking or drinking.

AbleIIKnow_wong wrote:

Yes, again sorry about that I just can't express myself in a friendly manner when it comes to talking about my parents...

That's ok. you aren't directing the anger to us, more just letting some of the frustration out. Its cool. Cool

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No, I'm a student who's still in University right now.

Conservative issues.... hmmm... I guess then you're traditional in that sense where it's similar to the way my cousin.

I'm a traditional person just not the way you/she is/are.

Yeah, my parents are very insecure people and they don't really know what to do... as foreigners you do a few things.... one is to be in CONTROL of the situation no matter what... they always have to be RIGHT... and whenever they don't UNDERSTAND what's happening or if a conversation starts to turn negatively ever so slightly they'll YELL to gain that CONTROL back, possess any selfRIGHTgeousness and they have a tendency to tell/COMMAND you to do this... do that... etc.

It's what I've noticed with foreigners in general... not just my parents...

Do you attend U in Aus?

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AbleIIKnow_wong wrote:

Yeah, my parents are very insecure people and they don't really know what to do... as foreigners you do a few things.... one is to be in CONTROL of the situation no matter what... they always have to be RIGHT... and whenever they don't UNDERSTAND what's happening or if a conversation starts to turn negatively ever so slightly they'll YELL to gain that CONTROL back, possess any selfRIGHTgeousness and they have a tendency to tell/COMMAND you to do this... do that... etc.

You have just gone and described my grandparent's reaction to such a situation, they either yell at me, saying that I don't understand, that once I am older I will, or they say "Be quiet" and shake their head, like they can't believe they have a grandaughter like me.

AbleIIKnow_wong wrote:

Do you attend U in Aus?

yep. Do you mind me asking what degree you are doing?

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Not at all, I won't lie and say my true intentions are to try into KINESIOLOGY...

I've done very poorly and couldn't successfully get into that major... yet... so right now the University stuck me in the "Humanities" as my major.

It works differently here... to sum it all up... I took a course where it's called an "undecided major" and now they stuck me in Humanities because I didn't decide one on time (I can still change it of course).

How about you? What year are you in right now?

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law student, third year. no big deal - everyone here is doing law, its so common its almost sickening really.

This might sound a bit silly but whats KINESIOLOGY? it sounds like some sort of science.

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Oh no not at all. I'm just surprised that there's so many people don't know what kinesiology is.

Kinesiology = Sports science, a study of athelete's and how to enhance their performance by physical means (no steroids or anything like that...)

Kinesiology is also a field where you become a Personal Fitness trainer, a sports coach, a gym teacher and anything in the sports therapy field.

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Oh! I see! So I'm guessing you're into sports? Any particular favorite sport? Call me an all chinese in this area, but I love table tennis!

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LOL!!! (Sorry about that not making fun of you or anything it has become interesting here when I first tried it).

Table tennis, yes then you're an authentic Chinese.

If I were to tell you that I was 191cm tall, how tall would I be to you compared to your Western Asian Aussie counterparts (no not counting white people because I can list a bunch who are 200cm or even 210cm+)???

Oh well anyways my next question is then if I were to tell you that I am 191cm tall, what sport would you guess that I'd like?

Sorry about that I thought I'd have a little fun. If you don't know or give up I'll just tell you right away in my next response. Smile

Yeah surprisingly we the Chinese has a bad football (soccer) team.

I just hope that we're competing in the next World Cup/Olympics...

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Ack, Pragmatic you left me to dry Sad

Oh well it's all good.

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Do parents secretly have a favorite son or daughter?

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