Fri 13 Mar, 2020 04:37 am
I often get asked if I'm gay. I find it kind of annoying. I have nothing wrong with gay people / homosexuals, and I have NEVER had any attraction to a man, except for: watching gay porn 2 or 3 times before, and once having a sex with a 'ladyboy' - though this was a Tinder accident that I still 'went through with' (as she was not honest about her gender beforehand). Even those 2 or 3 times I've watched gay porn, I really don't have any attraction to the male pornstars.. I actually find it a bit strange and sickening*, and after I have finished masturbating I feel guilty, but also genuinely disinterested - and want to turn it all of straight away.
*This is not supposed to be offensive.
I'm 27 now, nearly 28. I've really really never looked at a man and felt any romantic or sexual desire of any kind whatsoever. I've had sex with numerous girls. I'm not camp. I'm average build, though I have never done much manly work or activities I have to say.
Recently I have wondered about transexuals a handful of times, and feel some sexual desire towards them. Really I feel quite weird if I ever wonder myself getting sexual with another man.. It just seems so odd to me..
Although I might feel horny for a moment, after masturbating, the thought of there being a naked man in the room absolutely disgusts me.
I am quite a sexual person, I also think I scare men away sometimes by being overlyfriendly (just in terms of talking and being enthusiastic), though I can really say I've never talked to a man and felt any desire for him. Honestly, I think I am overly sexual as a person (towards females), probably as I started masturbating to soft(ish) porn magazines at a young age (maybe 11).
I can , by pretty much all definitions of the word, say that I am not 'gay', as I absolutely drool over any lady that I see walk by.. And I've never felt a second of desire for a man that I saw or am talking to. As I say, there have probably been a handful of moments when I've felt extremely horny and masturbated to thought of having sex with another man, even sometimes imaging that I am receiving. As soon as I have finished masturbating the instantly disappears and a mix of genuine disgust and social guilt, and fear that somebody might find out. I would really not even call myself bisexual, as I say I have absolutely zero romantic feelings towards men, and maybe only 1% sexual feelings when I have strong sexual urges, and it feels like females aren't somehow 'enough'.
These feelings have come about in the last year I'd say, but I recall being asked if I was gay numerous times ever since I was a teenager, even though I can't ever remember having a single homosexual thought until the last year or so ago.
So my question is.. Why am I having some homosexual thoughts in the last year (though my heterosexual thoughts are just as prominent)? And also why have people always wondered if I was gay even though most my life I have been massively attracted to girls and not even spared a single thought for attraction to men?
To answer the first question I would honestly say that I am an overly-sexual person. I can honestly say I have never had any romantic feelings towards a male, and very rarely some sexual ones (recently).. I don't consider myself gay or even bi-sexual for this reason. I think that my sexual urges can just become very strong but instantly disappear after masturbating. To answer the second part of the question, I tend to tell myself that due to a relaxed nature with my own heterosexuality I might come across as being overlyfriendly with other males, simply due to there being absolutely no sexual consideration in my dealings - I know it sounds ridiculous but I do think that. I also tell myself that sometimes the people who call me out as being 'gay' are sometimes the ones who are reflecting something in their own personalities upon me. I know it all sounds ridiculous given the information I have shared, and I understand that due to some horny homosexual feelings I've had over the last few months the question [they are asking me] might be more genuine.
I completely understand that some of my feelings (of guilt) will be socio-cultural.. But genuinely I can say I have almost never had a sexual feeling towards a real man; (just a few times watching gay porn).
Does anyone have any suggestions of this 'phase' I am experiencing, but also the response I am getting from others? Recently the situation has started to make me feel awkward and nervous as I wonder if someone is 'thinking that I am gay'..
Honestly I don't want to be gay.. or bisexual. I love females. I guess my hands are a little soft.. I can understand that I look a bit soft due to my cleanliness, etc. I wear somewhat fashionable clothes, and take care of my appearance. I can understand why people might wonder if I'm gay. But I think due to some of these recent sexual urges I have been experiencing it is making me feel more nervous and awkward. I'm not homophobic, but I just don't want people to think that I'm gay.. Because I'm not.. It's just annoying.. I have never been prejudice to homosexuals.. So it's not a lesson that life is teaching me.. But I agree that my cultural background has considered homosexuality to be wrong. Admittedly I don't want to be CONSIDERED gay.. due to this.
So consider yourself bi, then.
I'm'shocked! Shocked, I tell you.
I didn't know you are gay, Jessalonika.
Well, I tend to be a happy person.
There is an expression in French--toujours gai--which means, more or less, always happy. I'm glad to think that's you.
I'm bi. I like both females and women.