Amen to all of this CoastalRat
In addition, if you are uncomfortable, ask yourself why first, rather than automatically asking the other person to stop.
If it's because you're afraid your partner is going to cheat on you, then why are you with them in the first place?
If it's because you're "insecure", perhaps that's what needs to be worked on, not demanding another change their personality because of your inability to trust.
With your wife, even if the case where she asked you to start flirting with a particular person, it might not have been that you were the one making her uncomfortable, but the reacation of the other person, which you may not have been seeing.
One time he and I, plus another couple were at diner. We were visiting his home state.
There was a woman sitting in the booth behind us, that turned out knew my husband from way back in high school
There was the usual hellos, and he in his usual way told her she looked good etc.
I noticed when he turned away for a moment she was giving him a long hard look.
He turned one more time to say something, and she was all set to make her play, until I turned and gave her a warning glance. She made me uncomfortable, not him. She took the hint well.
If that happened with someone that lived close to us, not a few states away, maybe it would have come to me explaining to him how she had stepped over a line. I'm sure he would have respected that.