Wife won't talk about or engage in sex

Right, so what is this age?

I wouldn't be surprised if this woman would agree with your statement...but just have a differing opinion on what that age is.

Certainly when you first take the baby home, if it needs comforting...I bet you would all agree that's it's ok. But how old does it have to be for this to be unusual? A year? 3 years?

I think it also depends on the culture. In some, a family bed might not seem unusual, and that was my mom's reasoning why it was okay. I also agree with the concept that in some situations, it could be a totally nice and nuturing thing. However, I think that since it does seem a bit odd or at least unusual in our culture, it's more likely to lead to problems for the child, due to feeling uncomfortable, different, ashamed, etc. And in regard to the nurturing environment question, that depends on the circumstances. In my case, the circumstances weren't that I needed the extra affection or something, it was some sort of crutch for my mom. So since I didn;t want it, it wasn't nurturing. I believe you need to look very carefully at the parents' motivations for encouraging the idea before you allow it.

In answer to A109's question, I think that for my family, the issues stemming from this are most definitely still being dealt with. I still have lingering resentment towards my mother for putting me in a position to feel like I was weird and ashamed and had something to hide from my friends. But again, this depends on the parental motivations, whether the child is comfortable, etc.

But, I really do believe that if either parent is uncomfortable with the idea, it shouldn't continue. I feel certain that it contributed to the problems that eventually destroyed my parents' marriage.

Well, I just had a success, of sorts. I've contacted a parenting counselor (referred by my personal counselor) and gotten tentative agreement from my wife to attend a 12-14 session parent/child series. My counselor suggested it after I expressed concerns about my child's behaviors. I'm hoping that it will enable us to communicate better about our relationship, as well.

That's good news A-109, and I hope everything will work
out for you and your family.

Rome wasn't built on one day either, so take one step
at a time and be patient.

Good luck!

I hope things start turning around for you, A-109.

stuh, my kids only slept in my bed if they were sick. Occasionally I would lay down beside one of them in their own bed if they'd had a bad dream or had a hard time getting to sleep because they were troubled about something, returning to my own bed once they were settled. With the rare exception we've always had parents in the parent's bed and kids in the kid's beds.

Thanks for the good wishes.

I am where you are at too A-109
A-109

I can totaly understand you feelings as to your marriage and you're child. I am there too. As a matter of fact I found your message through a goggle search, wondering what to do myself.

I have been married for 16+ years and have 3 kids. My wife feels similar to you're wife about sex. She doesn't want to do it, she doesn't want to talk about it. She would rather pretend that there is no problem and hope the problem goes away. I don't know if she is as bad as your wife sounds, but its defiantly hard on me.

I can understand your personal conflict. I have been toying with moving out for most of the last 8 years. But the reason I stay is for my kids. I love them and the though of not seeing them everyday kills me.

If you have found out anything that helped you, please pass it on. I could use it too.

Flyboy_447

Flyboy...I may not be of any help here, and I may seem that I'm coming out of left field...but here goes...lol

Some women are just like that...I can't explain it, they shut down any desires and put the kids first. Sometimes they learn to put things aside to work on the relationship, sometimes they don't. She made need a loud wake up call....

And..some women, get hurt repeatedly...and then build up brick walls that can't be torn down.... they let their guard down long enough to let you back in, and BAM, they put the wall back up because you've hurt her again, and at some point they stop allowing you to get close...

And by no means am I suggesting that you have....

You said 8 years ago? What happened 8 years ago to make you feel this way? Whats happened in your relationship that the two of you aren't close anymore...Work? Kids? Priorities? Life in general?

You said.."She pretends there's nothing wrong?" Have you honestly tried to sit down and talk to her? Honestly about your feelings?