43-18=25 yrs apart will it work?

Ok, well think of a few things first. Why would a man who was 41 at the time even talk to a 16 year old in an interested manner whether online or not? Can he not gt women near his own age? It is not a good idea to involve yourself with a man that goes after teen girls, well I don't think so at least. Also at 43 it just sounds strange to me for someone to have never been married and who has no children. Why is that? Have you asked him why he has never married? When I was 22 (a year ago) I dated a man who was 57. We had a lot of fun together but some things were just strange. Like him having kids older than me, him having lived so long and having so much more life experience than I did, difference in opinions that were mostly because of the age gap. And I thought about what would happen if we stayed together and I would be 30 and him 65. But it was a great friendship. Also why is this man going to drive 1,000 miles? Can't he fly? Where is he going to stay? Are you going to meet him in a public place? Hope I didn't ask too many ?'s

If your contact with "Kevin" has been on-line only, how can you be sure that he is who he claims he is (unmarried, etc.). Why did he need to wait until you were 18 to meet? That sounds to me like he has been grooming you to get laid as soon as you reached the legal age.

I would not meet this person alone if I were you!

Just because he tells you he has never been married or has children does mean it is true. He also probably has another dozen girls just like you on the internet and you'll just be another conquest. I've seen it before. Guys like this don't stop at one, it's an addiction to get young girls interested in them and go pop their virginity. Yeah, I know you are sure he's a great guy and exactly who he tells you he is - sure right. Here' advice from an older woman: RED FLAG#1Normal 40 year old men do not float around the internet looking to seduce 16 year old girls -only the perverts do that. RED FLAG#2 - He is smart enough to know that if he mets up with you before the age of 18 he could go to jail. He has done this before.

Something tells me you are going to get hurt and find out about life the hardway. I wish you well and at least make sure he uses a condom when he gets what he really wants. And when you look back on this time in your life and think "I was such an idiot", remember you were the victim and he was just a good con artist.

PS - I really wish you would tell your parents or an adult in your life that you trust.

If he is "a friend", why did did he want to wait for you to become of legal age before he met you? This whole thing stinks like week old fish. I agree with the others. You DO NOT know if this man has been telling you the truth. You really don't have any idea. Be safe. Do NOT meet this man alone.

DO NOT GO AND MEET THIS GUY ALONE! Are you nuts???? You met him online. He might be the guy he says he is but he might not be. If you really want to meet him, take a friend with you, but don't go alone.

Green Witch is right...tell someone, just in case something happens to you. Then at least there will be people looking for you. Be careful.

Are your parents at all aware of this on-line relationship? I agree that he has been setting you up as a conquest and waited until he wouldn't go to jail before seeing you. The words "sexual predator" are screaming out from your post.

Do not meet this man in a private setting. In fact, I'd be very worried about meeting him at all.

"Will it work?" only for him...

Thank you Bella Dee - couldn't have said it better myself. In fact, I'll say it myself.....

DO NOT GO AND MEET THIS GUY ALONE! Are you nuts?????!!!!!

bright_smile--

Welcome to A2K.

I'm another voice in the chorus. Two years of e-mail chatting with an older guy (who can say anything he chooses and who can also choose what he won't mention) is not a basis for a relationship.

My guess is that having invested two years in being charmed by this guy that you're going to meet him no matter what strangers say.

Please, meet him in public--MacDonald's would be dandy. Station a couple reliable friends a few booths away. Make sure your parents or other responsible adults know where you're going.

I'm worried about what experiences you've missed out on in the last two years because of your on-line infatuation. You had the admiration--possibly sincere, possibly cynical--of an older man. You may have missed out on face-to-face conversations with a cross section of guys your age. Face-to-face conversations are essential for developing a woman's radar, that sixth sense that warns you of incongruity, insincerity and danger.

Please be careful. You are worth much more than a notch on the belt of a pubic scalp hunter.

I'll add my voice to the chorus of people telling you that this is the worst idea in the history of bad ideas. Consider the following stats:

At 43, he is, to be sure, old enough to be your father. He has had different life experiences, different tastes and different situations. Assuming you are American, this means he was of voting age about the time you were being born. He grew up in the 70s, which to you is ancient history, as remote as the American Revolution. He listened to the Bee Gees and Led Zeppelin, wore bell bottoms and watched All in the Family before any of that stuff was ironic and retro. His life is, and has been, a far cry from yours.

When he talks about work, what exactly can you say back that offers any measure of comprehension? I am not saying that as an attack -- please don't misunderstand me -- but I am trying to get how someone who has probably been working in an office of some sort for the last 20 or so years could get real empathy from someone who most likely has only held down jobs at a burger joint or babysitting or at a summer camp. That's not meant to be offensive -- it's normal. You're 18. You're supposed to be at that level of development.

And, to turn the tables, what can he say that will possibly betray any real understanding when you talk to him about school? School today is really dissimilar to what it was when he was growing up. I know because I am less than a year younger than he is, so I will tell you what it was like. We used typewriters and research from libraries to do term papers, because no one had a personal computer and the Internet had not even been thought up yet, let alone invented. If computer science existed in school, it was on a huge mainframe, the kind with the white and green paper with the little holes at either end of it -- this was even before DOS. The Soviet Union was still together and the Berlin Wall didn't look like it was going to come down any time soon. The price of a gallon of gas was less than 40 cents until we were in High School, and by that time it was still at or under a dollar, unlike now, where it averages over two dollars and is still rising. The big news stories were Watergate and the Vietnam War. Rap had barely been invented. AIDS did not yet exist in the Western Hemisphere. School shootings did not happen. How can he relate to a scholar who went through 9/11, and Columbine? Can he understand what it's like to go through a metal detector to get to class? These things are not within his realm of experience.

My experience with chatting, which I did for over three years, and saw lots of "couples" get together, go strong, then break up, with only a few of them actually working out (and when they did, they did so because of a HUGE amount of work on both ends and they were willing to make major sacrifices in their lives AND they were close in age, background and temperament), is that people do their best in chat. If they don't feel like chatting, they just don't come on. If they are tired or sick, they don't go online. So when they're online, they are really "on", in the sense that they are witty and charming and amusing. Sentences can be copied and pasted, or rehearsed or erased and started again. Not so with direct conversation. People post old photos all the time, showing them to be wrinkle-free and without those pesky extra 85 pounds or an ex in the picture (welcome to PhotoShop). Even people who don't actively lie tend to varnish the truth while chatting.

But I suppose you don't want to hear all of that. I suppose, instead, you want to hear about how everything is going to be sunshiney and wonderful. For your sake, I hope you take the advice given and, if you do go through with meeting, meet in a public place with friends nearby, or at least with friends knowing where you are going and when you are expected to be home.

Remember, when you do things and you don't tell your parents, it inevitably means not that they don't understand, but rather that you are ashamed of what you are doing. Listen to that nagging voice -- it's your conscience, telling you that there is something very rotten here. Don't ignore those instincts; from that comes self-preservation.

I hope and pray that you do the right thing.

Wow, what a great post, Jespah!

I was going to bring up the same thing... even if we imagine this fellow is exactly what he says, there are so many things you cannot share with someone 25 years older. His culture is different.

I'm 43 now; my husband (he's 47) and me talk a lot about how things were when we were in high school. We enjoy these shared memories a great deal; they help us understand one another and help us to be closer.


I very much agree that if you meet this fellow in person, make sure other people you know are around at the time... each and every time you see him.

Your first meeting will be dangerous... your second or third or fourth meeting will also be dangerous. I just don't like the idea, and I fear for your safety.

Hey bright_smile,

Welcome aboard. Jespah and the others could NOT have said it any better than I can. Just to let you know how much age differences can affect ANY relationship, take a look at mine. My fiance and I are only 6years apart, me being older than he. We still, even at that close of a gap, have some differences in our cultures and things in common. I was married and gave birth to my first child while he was still a junior in high school and he was worrying about grades and dates while I was worrying about poopy diapers and Similac.

Up until about a month ago, we lived 1600 miles away from each other and just the fact that he grew up in the heartland and I grew up on the West Coast, molded and shaped our outlooks differently in a lot of ways.
We have differences in music, politics, movies, foods, environmental issues, the theater and arts, cars and these are just to name a few.

Still, 6 years and 1600 miles were not enough of a difference to make what we do share very worthwhile. Morals, home and family, companionship, sense of humors that mesh, dedication to hard work, commitment, children (his and mine) and a true love based not on an infatuation with an online chat buddy, but through many visits back and forth to each other, talking every day on the phone for three years, trust and mostly knowing who that other person really, really is.

Six years difference is tough enough, but the thought that anyone 25 years apart in age could have anything in common, except that he is probably about your parents age, is unfathomable.

No one here wants to see you get hurt at all. Meet him if you must, but follow the advice of everyone else and me included and DO NOT meet this man alone. He screams of disaster, sweetie.

Re: 43-18=25 yrs apart will it work?


Age differences mean less with increasing age. I'd tell the guy to wait another 20 years and if he was still interested THEN, we could talk about it.

....Im amazed you are contemplating this, he is like way too OLD for you!
all he wants is one thing! and he thinks he will get it after spending all this time in gaining your trust and being your 'friend'...dont you watch TV????? dont you see all the stories exactly the same as what you are telling us!

Wake up girl....before oneday you dont!

I agree with the others tell someone where you are going and all details, if you go through with this lunacy, at the least!

Firstly, if what Kevin is saying is completely true, than the relationship doesn't look TOO bad... seeing that he isn't married and doesn't have children.

However, as people have questioned... at 43..... why isn't he married?I know what you mean when you say you "didn't think it was really gonna happen" it's not like you set out to have a relationship with a man in his 40's and that does make things just a tad more difficult. Why does the fact that he is not married and has no children mean that he's not a "middle aged man looking for a little fun"? He's still 43 and may still be looking for a little fun despite not having a wife and children.

I am very concerned that he wanted to wait until you were of legal age before he met you properly... if his intentions were good I would have thought this issue wouldn't be of such a concern to him.. however, I'm not ruling out the possibility that it was your idea to give it a few years so you'd 'know' him a little better before you met him.

I wouldn't worry so much about being accepted in society just yet luv... as you haven't yet even met the guy in person and confirmed that he is who he says he is. On the positive side, I think if he wanted to fool you he wouldn't have said he was 43... so he might well be telling the truth. Good luck. Be very careful and be very sure you are safe.

Remember, all you know about him is what he has told you.

why u be like me me me me why not think about him too.
why you be about me me me and not him its all about you isnt it you dont think about how he feels or felt in the relation ship. and i agree there must be something wrong with this man but at least he did wont to wait until she was of age before meeting and little girl should all way be ware of the evil male. JLLLLLL;

Hiya every1. i new here.
now then i dont have personal experience of having a large age gap, but i know someone who does. There is forteen years different between them. She is 43 and he is 29. They are happy, 99.9% of the time and they have a little girl who is three years old. All relationships can go either way no matter what the age difference is. Sometimes, older men tend to be more controlling and these types of relationships very rarely work out but sometimes if the older men are more down to earth and more of a sort of childish type of personality then it may work. The only thing for you to look out for is when he decides he wants children and you dont, there is a risk of you losing him. Men can be very selfish in that area of the relationship.

HI YA so where are you from.

As far as him waiting for her to turn of age shows some form of a plus cause he didnt try to get with her when she was under aged. it happoned to me a girl in her teens aproached me telling me of her undying love for me i thought that she was of age then she told me the truth which was very good that she did that i told her that she woould have to wait until she was of age and then may be we would get together. later she slipped me a note telling me that her parents found her diary and found out that she had approached me and was waiting to turn 18 to have her birthday present as she called me and they scalled her so when she turned 18 they shipped her off some where i dont know where and the next time i saw her was three years later and she was expecting and was with some funny looking fellow at the entrance of the hospital i think she was getting ready to have the baby. i felt funnie she gave me the strangest look sort of like iam sorry stare. any way i think that him wanting to wait until she was of age was a good thing. JLLLLLL;