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Hardest time in my life and I need help

 
 
Reply Wed 19 Feb, 2020 10:27 am
This weekend I surprised my girlfriend who currently lives 2 hours away while she finishes school. The next morning we broke up. This ended a 4 year relationship with my best friend and someone I spend all of my time with. She told me that I am not at her maturity level and that I do not give her the same affection she shows me. I agree with her. I have found myself in a ditch of comfortability and I never truly grew very much as a person. I also have a very difficult time opening up and sharing my feelings which is something she desperately needs
Then I for, transportation reasons, had to stay with her for the nex t 3 days and nights. At times, everything seemed just like it always has. But then reality would kick in and I would become very sad.
The reason I am posting this is because of how confused I am right now. My now ex doesn’t seem sad at all. She even said that she was “excited” when she decided to break up with me because now she could finally feel completely secure with herself. She also seems very eager to start talking to other people but not to start actually dating and hanging out with them. She also seems desperate for me to get into dating apps immediately so I can try to move on (this is not something I can handle at the moment). But then we have also cuddled every night and got very close to being intimate before she said Stopped it. We also have agreed to try and stay friends. This is because we clearly have a great connection and it’s not something we either want to lose.
This brings me to a major point. I currently am close friends and roommates of one of her family members. I also moved halfway across the country to be near her because I thought we were going to get married. My life seems to be spiraling out of control and I don’t know what to do.
I hope this has all made some sense. I know it’s very unorganized. If you could follow, please help me. I’m scared because in my heart I know that she is my person. She is stunningly gorgeous, funny, smart, and is just very similar to me. I also love her family and the new area I am in. I know that I need to work on myself. I need to grow as a person. I just keep having the thought I’m my head that if I do grow as a person. And I can figure out how to be more open with my feelings then maybe she will want to take me back. Does anyone think based off of everything I said, that is possible? She has said that “it could be possible in the future” but she also may have just been trying to be nice.
Anyway, sorry for the long post. I just need help because I am scared and don’t know what to do.
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Wed 19 Feb, 2020 10:36 am
@Jimmyjohn12345,
Get counseling in this new, wonderful place where you now live.

Work on growing as a person, yes. But not for the purposes of rekindling this relationship. Do it for yourself.

Oh, and her giving you mixed signals was not cool. Same with her breaking up with you when you were committed to staying there for 3 nights (I assume you had a nonrefundable ticket or the like). If she had waited 3 damned days - not too long in the grand scheme of things - it would have been a lot kinder to you.
izzythepush
 
  4  
Reply Wed 19 Feb, 2020 10:42 am
@Jimmyjohn12345,
It's over, you need to move on. That doesn't necessarily mean seeing someone else straight away, but it does mean moving away from her and her family.

Obviously you need to complete your studies first, but once that's out of the way, get away.

If she seems excited about seeing others it would indicate she's been wanting to do this for some time and she's just trying to let you down gently.

A lot of times when breakups happen the person doing the breaking up makes an excuse, blames it on some aspect of your personality, in this case your maturity. The problem is that it leaves you in a weird state thinking all you have to do is x and she'll come back.

It doesn't matter how mature you get, it's over, she decided it was over a long time ago which is why she's ready to move on.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's true, we've all been there. Look after yourself, things will get better.
Jimmyjohn12345
 
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Reply Thu 20 Feb, 2020 01:06 am
@izzythepush,
Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it a lot. I actually am done with my studies and have just started a career and have built a small network in this area. So, moving away isn’t really an option but I appreciate all of your kind words. They aren’t what I want to hear but it’s probably what I need
Jimmyjohn12345
 
  3  
Reply Thu 20 Feb, 2020 01:09 am
@jespah,
To be fair, I do think she planned on waiting but an incident arose where I questioned what was going on and she told me. I actually had to stay an extra day because of travel issues. The mixed signals continued but I think I just need to spend these next few months really diving into myself and finding out who I am. All of your kind words have helped me more than you could know on this difficult day. Thank you
izzythepush
 
  2  
Reply Thu 20 Feb, 2020 01:51 am
@Jimmyjohn12345,
Fair enough, but I'd try to stay as far away as possible, over the other side of town. Your new business should help putting a lot of effort ito something else takes up your time and keeps your mind off things.

It will get better, it's just really **** right now. My college girlfriend dumped me just before my final exams so I know what it's like.
0 Replies
 
bobsal u1553115
 
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Reply Thu 20 Feb, 2020 08:52 am
@Jimmyjohn12345,
I thought you stayed three days over travel 'botches'.
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Linkat
 
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Reply Fri 21 Feb, 2020 09:45 am
@Jimmyjohn12345,
Jimmyjohn12345 wrote:

I know that I need to work on myself. I need to grow as a person. I just keep having the thought I’m my head that if I do grow as a person. And I can figure out how to be more open with my feelings then maybe she will want to take me back.


This is good - and you recognize positive changes you want to make. Do it. And just go out and enjoy yourself. Focus on your new friends and just socialize. Right now it seems that she is all you want and you were "made for each other." But it may not be the case. By working on how you as a person and in your professional world can improve you will grow as a person and become more confident. As a result it will be easier to open up about feelings.

Now is it possible to get back together --- yes. Probable - my opinion - no. She seems excited to start a new life without you as her significant other. You never know it could happen --- or you could also find yourself someone else that is an even better fit for you.

I dated someone for 8 years that I was convinced (and we had talked about it) I would marry. Did not pan out - and after splitting I was married within a few years. Funny how you can be with someone for so many years, but with someone else a short year and end up getting married.
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