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Am I being lovebombed?

 
 
Reply Thu 9 Jan, 2020 12:23 pm

I am sensitive to this subject since I broke off a 7 year relationship with a man professing to love me to no end (and wanted to marry me very badly) but I learned that I believe he was a narc and I was definitely love bombed looking back.

I am now seeing someone new for 4 months and want to be certain I'm not making the same mistake. I researched the issue and while I don't see many of the characteristics of love bombing I do see a few - namely:

He said he loved me (after about a month or so) and hadn't been with someone like me ever in his life (and he's over 65 years old) - married and divorced twice but each marriage was 20 years and 10 years. He said I'm so kind and nice that he has never had before; and pretty and very smart - he can't believe his "luck" and wants to marry me when and if I'm ready (I've been a widow almost 10 years).

He doesn't go over the top on gifts or stuff like that but writes and gives me a beautiful note (or 2) each time he sees me (on weekends since we live quite a distance from each other). He calls maybe twice a day and doesn't text too much (he works full time as a professional like me). He visits me on most weekends and I go to his place sometimes so we see each other most weekends.

He does have other interests like golfing and fishing and keeps in close contact with all of his friends (talks to them frequently and sees them fairly regularly).

I met his friends and they are all married for a long time and they've been friends for almost 40 years and seem to be really good people. I met one daughter and she is lovely and talked to the other one and she is really nice too. Never met his siblings - they live across the country and he's not close with them anymore. I don't know much about his divorces other than he realized the partner wasn't for him at that time.

He really likes my adult son and keeps in close touch with him and seems genuinely concerned about his well being (he has a slight development disability).

I'm introducing him to my family and friends this month so that should be interesting.

Am I being too paranoid about this?
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Sturgis
 
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Reply Thu 9 Jan, 2020 04:06 pm
@parnoidornot,
You already asked (in similar fashion) this question. https://able2know.org/topic/543625-1 in Why do I feel "Spooked" by ex?

Heed jespah's suggestion.
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CapSunSign
 
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Reply Mon 25 May, 2020 12:19 pm
@parnoidornot,
I was "friends" with a narcissist once. I was loved bombed in ways that was very damaging to my mental. My narcissist not only spoiled me with nice gifts, but also said he would marry me, give me a baby and travel the world with me. He had me wrapped around his finger. There was no man like him and I fell hard for him.

One things about narcissist is that they are often extreme about their "love" and every thing that they do. Whenever you look back, you tend to feel stupid for believing them and not recognizing the red flags. The red flags were always there. They were just ignored.

As women, our intuition is our greatest gift. If you are sensing the same kind of abuse or familiar treatment, that could definitely mean something. Does he require admiration? Your attention all of the time? Does he give constant advice? Is everything almost like OCD? Is he making promises to keep you on your toes?

He could genuinely be a good guy. But if he is, you will need to take some time out and fully heal from your past relationship. Have standards. Don't place all your eggs in one basket. But since you're asking here, that could definitely mean that he is showing red flags that shouldn't be ignored! Take things slowly.
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