What do I do? My girlfriend is in a religious cult.

Forums: Relationships, Religion, Cult, Girlfriend, Two By Twos
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The issue I'm having was discovered early thanks to the openness of social media, but I thought the group photos were just of family get-togethers. However, I've recently decided to look further into it to understand my girlfriends faith better, and that's when I spiraled into an extensive exploration of the religious sect she is part of. She belongs to the "Church with No Name", "The Truth Church". Its "workers and friends" are called Two by Twos or Cooneyites.

They don't call themselves what I listed, for they don't belong to any religious organization (thus the church has no name). Googling the terms only brings results to either archives on their annual conventions, stories of individuals who escaped the cult, or members of the group that were convicted of wrongdoings.

You can probably tell by now why I'm concerned. The person I've put time, energy, and commitment into is a constituent to a private and unforgiving sect. Upon research, I discovered the group is nontrinitarian (the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit are coequal as seperate entities). I also found they are not modern in dress or entertainment (women keep hair uncut, wear long skirts, homes have no television), but while her home has no television she does watch movies and she neglects the uncut hair belief, and wears "normal" clothes (in contrast to her mother).

My confusion and concern stems from my uncertainty to how strict she is on her religion. I had a conversation about her faith, and though she was dodging the complete truth and kept her answers unspecific, she did express the faith "feels real" (which I believe was saying that other denominations are false or built on hypocrisy).

Overall she doesn't seem 100% strict to the cult norms. But I cannot ignore the fact that it is a cult. People escape from this group. There are rehabilitation societies across America specifically for escapees, providing financial help to start anew. Now, I've fallen for one of it's members and I'm not sure if my mind can ignore the bridge between the incredible wrongness of her faith and my hearts desire to keep her. I never entered the relationship on the expectation for it to be short lived. I believe relationships like that are worthless, so obviously I was looking toward a future with her. However, I refuse to marry into the faith and do not support it now as a boyfriend. She does not know I'm researched on the subject so I can't really confront her about it.

I just need help.

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[+5] - glitterbag - 01/05/2020Have you met anyone else in her 'faith' group? If it's an actual cult it seems a little unusual that she is allowed to socialize with anyone outside the group. Have you felt any pressure to...

@sycog,

You do absolutely nothing. Your girlfriend is an adult. She is the only person who decides what spiritual path to follow. What gives you the right to decide what is good for her or not?

Personally I am skeptical about the word "cult" which is a broad term for "religious group I don't like". When I was a kid, I was taught that the Catholic Church and the Mormons were cults. I am especially skeptical of the word "escapee", the experiences of one person aren't the experiences of everyone.

But either way, your girlfriend is an adult. She makes decisions for her own life. That being said.

1) Like any other relationship, you either accept it or you don't. We don't get the right to mould our partners into what we want them to be, you have to accept them for who they are. If you can't accept it, then leave her.

2) I know people who left fringe religious groups on their own (without calling themselves 'escapees'). Having good relationships with people outside the group who accept you for who you are makes this easier. Accept her as who she wants to be... that is the best way to be in a position to support her if she ever decides to leave the group.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

I refer to the group as a "cult" because, based on it's practices and the many sources also calling it such, I find it's the correct term. I wouldn't call a faith or synod a "cult" just because I disagree with its views.

I do not wish to alter her faith or convert her. I respect the boundaries of free will and won't make explicit rounds to her beliefs. However, it's not a belief I see a future with.

I suppose I am trying to decide if I should wait it out until she MAYBE leaves the group, or should I do something now so I don't expend more energy into something that will inevitably fail?

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@sycog,

So you’re willing to go with the “help” of some random person on the internet, who you know nothing about?

Why would you let anything strangers say have any influence on you at all?

1 Reply

@sycog,

No you should not wait. Waiting until your partner does what you think she should do is a bad idea that will make both of you miserable.

Either accept her as she is with no conditions, or break up with her and let both of you move on.

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@chai2,

What is the point in a forum question if I do not follow the advice of the answerers?

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@sycog,

You asked “What do I do?”

Others have shared their observations and given their advice. Now you have other viewpoints to consider, or not.

My advice is to observe other couples who share these same circumstances and see how their relationships fare .

How old are you two?

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@sycog,

Have you met anyone else in her 'faith' group? If it's an actual cult it seems a little unusual that she is allowed to socialize with anyone outside the group. Have you felt any pressure to become part of this 'group'........I can't tell if it's a real cult or not, but I try to never ignore my gut.

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@sycog,

sycog wrote:

What is the point in a forum question if I do not follow the advice of the answerers?

Wow.
Just....wow.

Did you even hear yourself say that?

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@sycog,

sycog wrote:

She does not know I'm researched on the subject so I can't really confront her about it.

That's goofy as hell.

sycog wrote:

However, it's not a belief I see a future with.

I suppose I am trying to decide if I should wait it out until she MAYBE leaves the group, or should I do something now so I don't expend more energy into something that will inevitably fail?

Ask her about it. If this is a deal breaker, then don't waste her time with being her partner if you can't accept her faith. And maybe her faith and position in the group could use a little encouragement (exit wise) if she was on the proverbial wall in deciding to stay or go. She needs to know your position. She may leave the church in that case.

BTW: How old are either of you? According to Wikipedia, church in question doesn't seem very active. And she is either a Cooneyite or a Two by Two (as one group is a splinter group of the other).

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Cult can have a very broad meaning; it also very subjective.

What are you defining it as? I guess that might give us a better basis - is it simply a religious group that might believe things outside the "normal" scope? Or is it something that you feel could be actually harmful to her? That would have very different meanings.

I have had some family members refer to each others church as a "cult" - it actually caused some friction at a funeral because one person wanted their minister to also speak at the funeral and another wanted theirs - ended up both spoke which personally I thought was a good compromise to give family members comfort that they needed....but I digress - my point here is both were Christian churches - just each had a different approach. Me, looking from the outside, did not see either as a cult.

I think people use cult very broadly to mean something they do not agree with or do not like.

Like others said you need to talk with her a bit more - even tell her you have some concerns (while understanding the information is most likely biased you are getting on the internet with some truths and some falsehoods) - then ask her if she can be as up front with you as possible. From there you need to decide if you are ok with her beliefs.

It may be as she gets older she leaves. I know a couple that got married and the woman's family had very strict beliefs - not quite like Amish but about the next level up where they dress plainly and live simply although accepting of technology. Once she got married she threw away her simple clothes and was a more "mainstream". She may be following her parents but not be there 100%.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

Nigel Farage was defined as a cult when asked about his plans to combat adult illiteracy.

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@sycog,

Quote:

Upon research, I discovered the group is nontrinitarian (the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit are coequal as seperate entities).

This was the first piece of damning "evidence" you presented for her being in a cult.

You obviously come to the relationship with religious biases of your own. So if you end the relationship, do it for your own reasons and not some imagined ones in her.

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Have you tried accepting the Cosmic Muffin as your overlord and savior?

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@bobsal u1553115,

After seeing this I had no choice. The show was a bit too early for me, but when I was growing up most of the kid's rides you got that cost money were of Muffin the mule. I just thought it was the name of the ride.

1 Reply

@izzythepush,

Fifties TV in GB was a lot like fifties TV in the US, just without all our commercials and merchandising.

2 Replies

@bobsal u1553115,

We had advertising on ITV, sponsorship of individual programmes came much later, I think it was sometime in the 2000s.

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@bobsal u1553115,

Oh yeah. Was it Shirley Lewis or something like that in the US?
Stupid snaggle tooth puppet instead of a horse

edit: damn, ur quick

edit: or a sheep.
or im slow

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@Leadfoot,

Sherry Lewis

[youtube]https://youtu.be/G2b4vUZ7wR4[/youtube]

1 Reply

@bobsal u1553115,

We got her in the 70s. I remember Lamb Chop. I think she came back in the mid 90s with a perm.

Basil Brush is still going strong.

1 Reply

What do I do? My girlfriend is in a religious cult.

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