I don't like her sex attitude

@maxdancona,

Yeah, my bad. That's what happens when you come and go from a keyboard. Fix it, and get to her, is the phrase. It's still disrespectful if she doesn't like what he is essentially demanding she do for him. Everyone has the right to their sexual orientation and preferences. As I mentioned, it is very likely a compatibility issue.

1 Reply

@vikorr,

Quote:

It's still disrespectful if she doesn't like what he is essentially demanding she do for him.

Why is this disrespectful?

I can't imagine being in a relationship where I don't both give and receive oral sex. That is something I "demand" (I wouldn't accept a long term monogamous sexual relationship that didn't include oral sex). If you are in a monogamous sexual relationship, you have the right to expect your partner to do the things that get you off (and they have the equal right to expect you do please them).

Some things are negotiable, not every partner likes being tied up while I drip hot wax from a lit candle on them (although some people find this exhilarating) or licking nutella off body parts, or hanging clothespins off a .... (you get the idea)

I am pretty much open to what my partner asks... I don't enjoy being with a boring partner for very long.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

Ummm...If you don't know why pushing a person to do something they don't want to do sexually is disrespectful, I don't know that it can be further explained to you.

As for your example - you support what I'm saying, but don't seem to know it. If your sexual needs are incompatible, then you often end up going your separate ways.

Quote:

I am pretty much open to what my partner asks... I don't enjoy being with a boring partner for very long.

That's you Max. Not everyone is made that way.

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@vikorr,

If your partner pushes you to do something sexually, would you find it disrespectful? I wouldn't. I have no problem setting boundaries. There are a few things that cross a line for me and when they are suggested I have no problem saying "No" clearly. But I don't have any problem with a partner bringing them up.

I am specifically asking if this is a male-female thing. I hope you agree that men and women should be equally empowered to get their sexual needs met and equally responsible for clearly setting boundaries.

1 Reply

@vikorr,

On a side note....

In the BDSM community there is a a ritual where you write down three lists of sexual activities; the things you want/like, the things you aren't sure about or question, and the things that are completely off limits. This type of contract is essential (in my opinion) in any consensual dominance play.

I think this idea is a good one even outside of kink. Having a frank discussion with a partner about what you like, and what you will never accept is a good idea in any sexual relationship.

If all you like is missionary position with the lights off... this might not be necessary.

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@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

You people have boring sex lives....

At least it's only their sex lives.

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@maxdancona,

Quote:

But I don't have any problem with a partner bringing them up.

My view is anything that both are comfortable with, is okay. So there's quite a difference between bringing up what you like (which is utterly fine), and insisting on it - no matter your partners views (which is not fine if your partner is uncomfortable with it), and bagging her for being uncomfortable with it (which is disrespectful), which is how the OP came across in my view.

As a side note you phrase things like it is all or nothing. That's not it at all, and only leads to misunderstanding.

1 Reply

@vikorr,

I am making two points.

1) I am specifically poking at the gender stereotypes implied by this discussion.

Let's say a woman says to her male partner "For consistent strong orgasms I need you to give me oral sex". There are women who insist on this whether or not their partner is uncomfortable with the practice. Do you condemn women for insisting on what they need? (I argue that men and women should be considered equally).

2) In any sexual relationship there things that are expected. Many women and men insist on certain sexual practices (be it vaginal sex, or oral sex, or foreplay or any number of things). Most people insist on monogamy, and a certain amount of contact and affection.

The OP was expressing frustration. I disagree with you that "insisting" on what you need from a partner is inappropriate.

Of course in a relationship where a partner is unwilling to meet your needs, the only good answer is to end the relationship.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

Quote:

Let's say a woman says to her male partner "For consistent strong orgasms I need you to give me oral sex". There are women who insist on this whether or not their partner is uncomfortable with the practice. Do you condemn women for insisting on what they need? (I argue that men and women should be considered equally).

Max, principles go both ways. If a woman came and said:

My boyfriend's sex attitude is garbage. And I just can't find a way to fix it, and get to him. When I try to expain him some things, he plays dumb. I'm sexually very frustrated and I just can't take it anymore. What to do next?

Then it is the same. There is a compatibility issue, and a disrespectful attitude going on. What tends to be different (not always), is how the two genders handle their feelings of disrespect and frustration towards another, and based on that, there may be differences in response.

Quote:

Of course in a relationship where a partner is unwilling to meet your needs, the only good answer is to end the relationship.

Hence why I mentioned the compatibility issue - it is something that should be considered. Are they compatible, or not.

1 Reply

@vikorr,

vikorr wrote:

If a woman came and said:

My boyfriend's sex attitude is garbage. And I just can't find a way to fix it, and get to him. When I try to expain him some things, he plays dumb. I'm sexually very frustrated and I just can't take it anymore. What to do next?

Jesus H. (stands for hubba bubba) Christ.

I only said exactly that many posts ago.

What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

I come back after 2 days and people are still going on about this?

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@RigelStar,

Hi

Plz don't listen to peoples advice. It's was something very awful and a horrible prank that went wrong in high school. They knew a guy would play the most obvious cards and put majority of the class with suicidal people, black people, hbqt people etc. We are all people right and can keep this accident from happening over and over again. Not just "tear down walls" or "put up walls".

/TooFriendly112

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You can't be serious, you cannot tell a woman to do things that she doesn't want. Do you really love her?
I find you kind of rude.

1 Reply

@mrgrtt123,

mrgrtt123 wrote:

You can't be serious, you cannot tell a woman to do things that she doesn't want. Do you really love her?
I find you kind of rude.

Can a woman tell you to do things you don't want? If you really love her you will do them anyway.

2 Replies

@maxdancona,

I don't necessarily find that to be true Max. That is not to say don't be adventurous - do...but it is also to say, know who you are, know what is good for you, and be that...which may mean saying no.

1 Reply

@vikorr,

I believe that most adults will leave a partner who doesn't please them sexually. Wouldnt you? If a partner is saying "no" to your desires and needs, why would you stay with them?

I dont think most women would stay with a partner who isnt attentive to to what she needs. It is best to just be open and honest.

Men and women should be equal in a relationship, both should be able to ger their needs met.

I don't see the point in a relationship where each paetner denies the other what they want.

1 Reply

@RigelStar,

Then tell her point blank stop the **** or Iam finding someone else if she does not stop find someone else.

1 Reply

@Methen,

YEAH!
Who does that b!tch think she is anyway?

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@maxdancona,

Quote:

Can a women tell you to do things you don't want?

If you really love her you will do them anyway.

I take it you have never actually been in love.

If you are with someone and one day they ask you to do something which nauseates you or brings back a life altering trauma to your brain, what on earth would get you to do it? Love doesn't mean doing anything and everything which your partner wants to do. If it's real love, they may be disappointed you aren't up for some sort of action, but the love can endure and the relationship as well.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

Quote:

I believe that most adults will leave a partner who doesn't please them sexually. Wouldnt you? If a partner is saying "no" to your desires and needs, why would you stay with them?

I currently feel like I'm having a conversation with someone who can't step aside from the single track their thoughts are on, and look at things from another perspective.

The above quote is once again, and all or nothing type of statement (ie. You otherwise please me completely, or not at all). Your above quote is similar to 'they may not be compatible', but 'they may not be compatible' also considers Sturgis' view - that love survives small incompatibilities.

Quote:

I don't see the point in a relationship where each paetner denies the other what they want.

Once again an all or nothing statement. You could have phrased it as... 'I don't see the point where a partner does 95% of the things I want, but doesn't want to do 5%'...but it really would sound a little childish. If a partner does nothing of what you want (taking it to the extreme like you have), then you're dead right - what are you doing together.

As I said previously - your phrasing is leading to misunderstandings.

1 Reply

@Sturgis,

You are speaking about being "in love" as if it it some religious truth. I believe that love is different for each person. We all have our own ideas needs and desires.

I also think you are confusing love with sex. They aren't the same thing, there are friends I love deeply for whom I have zero sexual desire, and there are people I would jump into bed with in an instant. Although I may have affection for them, I cant say I love them in any idealized sense.

People enter all kinds of sexual relationships. If you want a transcendent experience where you lose self to enter the astral confluence... I wont judge (although I am skeptical). I certainly dont want this.

For me the best sexual relationship is honest and down to earth. Each person gives what they have and gets what they need.

In your hypothetical, communication still works. If you need something that I cant give you, lets be honest. Not every sexual relationship is meant to be. If it is not good for both of us, I would prefer to be honest and end it.

0 Replies

I don't like her sex attitude

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