Child Support HELP please

Reply Sun 6 Oct, 2019 05:17 pm
What is the name of your state? California

I have a question. 3 months ago I took my Ex to court for Custody and Child Support of our child.

We ended up 50/50 joint and Physical.

Child Support- I also took him to court cause I was paying 150$ week (which equals to 600 a month) for Child Day Care which was way too much for me. My ex has his own business and I KNOW he doesnt report all the money he makes but thats not the issue I just want him to help me out. I only work part time cause my job is cutting a lot of employees at the moment.

when it came to negotiating the Child support he was suppose to give my son 415$ based on the Annual income tax he has reporting the past 10 years or pay 600$ of the day care cause I could not longer afford Since I started working part time.

Long story short my ex told the judge the he will rather pay the 600$ of Child Day Care (Instead of the Child Support) Because he didnt want my sons life style to change Since he has been having the routine for awhile.


The following day HE TOOK MY SON OUT OF DAY CARE because he told me he couldnt afford it.

My son stopped going to day care the week that he was under his father'S care because he didnt want to pay.

Finally after talking to him and telling him to put my son back in Child care he agreed to ONLY pay the weeks my son

is with me.( I Have my son EVERY OTHER week since we do have 50/50) So my son was only going to Child Care 2 weeks out of the month instead of the whole month like he was doing.

Last week he took my son out of CHILD CARE again and put him into a school, which im completely ok with.

I told him that he needed to help me with CHILD SUPPORT and he told me NO BECAUSE HE WAS UNEMPLOYED and

that I needed to pay him.



Im taking him BACK to court, for child support.


How does the System work or based it on? PLEASE HELP !!!

Reply Sun 6 Oct, 2019 05:42 pm
God, I hope you've got a lawyer.

Your ex cannot unilaterally alter the agreement made in court.
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Reply Sun 6 Oct, 2019 06:20 pm
I am a little confused. If he wants to take care of the child himself rather than pay for day care... how does this affect you at all? You can pay for the weeks of day care that you need, right?

I agree that you should get a lawyer. But unless I am misunderstanding something, it seems that what your ex did is completely reasonable.

I hope he has a good lawyer too.

Reply Mon 7 Oct, 2019 08:24 am
maxdancona wrote:

I am a little confused. If he wants to take care of the child himself rather than pay for day care... how does this affect you at all? You can pay for the weeks of day care that you need, right?

I agree that you should get a lawyer. But unless I am misunderstanding something, it seems that what your ex did is completely reasonable.

I hope he has a good lawyer too.

It doesn't but it effects the child - the purpose of the dad paying for child care was so that the child would not have his schedule changed. That was the dad's words (according to the poster). He wanted instead to pay for child care than to give child support so that the child's schedule would not change. This was agreed by all parties.

So now he doesn't have a problem disrupting the child's schedule to save money. If that is the case, since he had two choices when they went to court - he should then have to pay the child support.

This should be about the child not either parent - the dad seems at first like that was his concern and the mom agreed. But now he seems more concerned about the money. Really sad. It sounds like he is using the system so he doesn't have to pay what was determined by the courts.

He is breaking his promise to his child and the court - bring him to court to get what is best for your child.
Reply Mon 7 Oct, 2019 08:54 am
That makes even less sense, Linkat. Parents who are putting the interests of their child first don't repeatedly drag each other into court.

The issue about whether is better for a child to be in day care every week versus alternating each week with one parent seems questionable. My ex and I have worked out more difficult differences of oponion than that. She could let the father take care of the child.

The OP seems focused on money and on winning whatever grievance she has against her coparent.

Good parents learn to conpromise with their exes for the good of their children. Some times going to court is necesary... but going to court hurts the child.

I learned to work with my ex even though thos meant compromise. I did this because my love for my child is more important than whatever bullshit there is between her mother and I.

Reply Mon 7 Oct, 2019 09:28 am
If the genders were reversed would you be saying any different?

You don't have to answer that Max, of course you would.

With you a woman's place is in the wrong.
Reply Mon 7 Oct, 2019 11:52 am
This is another example of Izzy's impulse to defend women... but in this case he is defending women against co-parenting.

Learning to get along with the mother of my daughter after divorce is one of the best things I have done. It is far better for my daughter... and that is what matters. Now it has been several years, we have learned to work together and even respect each other.
Reply Mon 7 Oct, 2019 11:58 am
A woman has come on to A2K distressed and immediately you attack her and take the side of the other party because he's a man.

I'm not arguing against coparenting. The OP's ex has just ripped up court directions, he's acting illegally.
Reply Mon 7 Oct, 2019 12:10 pm
You came to this thread to continue this feud https://able2know.org/topic/531458-1

Again you didn't even reapond to the topic. You launched your typical attacks. And again you are pretending to defend women.

What is your opinion on this topic? If you haven't read the original post, then please do so now.

After reading this post, do you still think that dargging this kid through a court fight is the right idea? Or is it maybe possible that these two parents should find a way to work it out.

I speak from experience as someone who has done just that.

Parents who drag each other into court are often putting their own hurt ahead of the needs of their children.
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Reply Mon 7 Oct, 2019 01:04 pm
I am a little confused.

Nothing new.
If he wants to take care of...
...how does this affect you at all?

If the child is being affected, then so is the parent.

Since Daddy dearest wants the child bounced back and forth week to week, in and out of child day care, the child will not make as many great strides in interactions with others as it they went every week.
.Parents who are putting.. their child first..
Which the O.P. is doing. They want the child to have a schedule which isn't torn asunder!

blah blah blah blah blahddiddly blah

(yeah, that's what you are coming across like in your words max)

Let me explain it to you this way max:
I was shifted and around quite a bit growing up. It was not particularly pleasant. My interacting with others was 😠 made somewhat difficult. One week I'd be there and then disappear for several weeks(sometimes months) and then back in the same classroom.

Of course, I was not always up to speed as to what was happening.
Memorable moments (not good ones, just permanently pressed into my brain) included missing the start of an international pen-pal activity. I returned far after the start. A day or so after my return, the other students received their response letters from their new found pals. I had zippo and never got a pal!

There was the class play. Oh, it was figured, I'd most likely been in a performance with the other class. I was excluded.

One time I entered a class and later in the day, the students went to the cupboards and took out their papier -mache projects.

(Good luck was with me as 3 weeks later I was back in the other classroom. An interesting Christmas season it was that year...it all happened in the month of December)

So you see max, the child is affected by this sort of thing.

It's quite clear in the O.P. that the father would rather just not contribute his fair share of finance.

Izzy and Linkat have pointed out where you are off. Why won't you read and absorb?
Reply Mon 7 Oct, 2019 01:17 pm
1. I disagree with your assessment of day care. Lots of parents use day care as needed.

2. This seems to primarily be an argument about money. I reread the OP again and I still get that impression.

3. In court, the father and mother will both get to tell their side of the story. On this thread you have passed judgement after only hearing one side of the story.

4. Going to court has costs. Not only will both sides have to cover time and legal expenses, warring parents inevitably hurt the kids involved.

5. The alternative to court is compromise. It is far better for everyone when parents can work these issues out responsibly.

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Reply Mon 7 Oct, 2019 04:42 pm
It doesn't seem that either one of you were represented by legal council at the proceeding.

There's a lot to unpack, First, you think he lied. He thinks you're only after the money. Both of these are true. Second, you traded CS for an unknown amount of Child Care and now you have buyer's remorse. You don't get to tell him what to do in his parenting time. If you could, you'd still be together.

He has the legal right to withdraw his child from any child care or school. That's part of the 50/50 legal arrangement that is enforceable. Did he lie to the Judge? Maybe, but in the grand scope of things, it doesn't matter.

Here's where Max's advice comes in very handy. You need to work this out. Why? Because although he lied, if you march back into Court, the Judge is going to roll their eyes at both of you. The Judge isn't there to mediate warring x's because they can't get along. The Judge is there to make a decision. They made that decision. 50/50. That's the decision. The Judge will most probably order you both into Mediation to work it out.

Now here's the thing. Your kid is getting bounced from one place to another EVERY WEEK. You have one poster's account of exactly how that went, never actually having a stable school environment. That was painful to read, I can't imagine what it was like to live it.

What that means is, instead of complaining to the Judge that Life's Not Fair, you need to hire an attorney to revisit the custody arrangement. Instead of one week there, one week here, move to a more stable arrangement that can last years, not days. Yes, this means compromise. Lots of it. And sacrifice. Lots of that too.

So, some decisions need to be made, Maybe a very liberal weekend and vacation schedule should be worked out. Sometimes it sucks but it's the best interest of the child, not the winning of the parent that's important.

Love your kid MORE than you hate your x.

Figure this out.

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