Reply
Fri 3 Jun, 2005 12:19 pm
A woman I work with and I are both leaving the company for other jobs in a week. Now I've liked her a lot, but I make a rule not to get involved with anyone at work. Especially at this particular job, you kind of work closely with many other people and a relationship with someone at this job would make things pretty weird, so I think everyone sort of unspokenly agrees not to go there.
Plus, she's ultra-hot, and I have just learned to sort of avoid that, often comes with a lot of downside. But still, she is something special.
I mean, she's physically hot, but she's got a great personality and very intelligent too, as well as hard working and considerate....unbelievable really. A rare one. I only meet someone like this every few years...she's in another class.
At meetings and working together, we always kept it professional. I kind of looked for signs that she might be interested, and there may have been just a couple very tiny things, but nothing obvious.
Anyway, today she gives me card, private in my mailbox, writing: "You've helped to make this year unforgettable, thanks for all your help. Please keep in touch." Then she ends with her email address.
I can't tell if she's interested in something more, or she's just being nice & professional, friendly and all that.
The email part kind of hints to me something more...I mean would you drop your email in the note if it was absolutely nothing? Well hard to say, maybe she just wants a reference or something...
Anyway, we only got a few days of work together left. Then in about a month, we'll both be moving a thousand miles away from one another.
So if I'm going to do something, I must move fast. If it works out, we could move closer...she's such a rare special one, I'd consider moving and adjusting to compromise with her, so thats not a huge issue.
Ladies: From the above information, do you think she's interested in me, or what? Do you have any advice for me? What should I do?
Guys? : Any advice?
Thanks everyone! I wish I had more time on this...
This is getting awfully tedious. My advice is to learn from your own experience, and don't rely on people here to live your life for you.
Setanta,
Wise words. Thank you, sir.
I guess, like some of those dudes of the past, I was just trying to decipher the language of women and understand it.
But you are right.
____
If any women can decipher the message they think a woman is sending in the above situation, your thoughts here would be appreciated.
But in the end, Setanta is absolutely right.
Quote:Anyway, today she gives me card, private in my mailbox, writing: "You've helped to make this year unforgettable, thanks for all your help. Please keep in touch." Then she ends with her email address.
The fact that she put the note in your mailbox rather than speaking to you directly either means that she is being businesslike or, she is somewhat shy.
The unforgettable year part --- Was her year made easier or more productive by your presence and help? If the answer is yes...do not read more into it. If the answer is no...it may have been YOU that made it memorable, but don't forget she mentioned help.
Please keep in touch --- She knows that you will be a thousand miles apart and wants to keep in touch by e-mail. Even if she does like you more than in a co-worker kind of way, she knows that you will be far apart and would probably keep her feelings hidden.
From one guy to another? You only have one chance to find out and the time for that chance is now. The only missed opportunity is the one not taken. You have a month before you part ways. Make it simple to start...ask her out for lunch. Talk to her. Get a feel for the situation. No time to worry about rejection. Who knows, she may be moving to be with a boyfriend. Don't get your hopes up until after you have an opportunity to talk to her. DO IT.
I lost a wonderful gal over 30 years ago because I was too stupid to pursue her. She moved a thousand miles away as well. After 30 years, she had someone find me (I had moved several times around the country in the meantime) and she phoned me. She had thought about us for those 30 years just as I had thought about her. Even thought I married twice in the intervening years.
Intrepid,
Thanks for that. Wow your story parallels this situation a lot, or what the future of this situation might be--interesting.
I think I know what I must do. Go talk to her...
Dammit, feels just like 7th grade again! butterflies...
See maybe thats one reason I avoid the women I really like and date others I just kinda like and feel quite comfortable with...ha ha ha...must get past this
I am the last person to ask about this kind of thing so Intrepid's advice is not to be ignored. But the card in the mail box and e-mail address seems more professional rather than personal. It may be that she regards you as a potentially useful business contact at a later date and wants to keep you in her network.
So.....
The two of you are moving 1000 miles apart in a week.
She sends a note to keep in touch along with her email address.
You think this email is a hint to get together for something wild and passionate in that last week that would instantly lead to you following her?
-------------
I think Set is right. You can figure this one out on your own. Maybe you just need help defining what you were saying.
My advice. Ask her out to lunch and talk business.
EM - some of your posts have caused me to furrow my brow recently.
You're pretty preoccupied with sex.
Like Parados says - what you're gonna have this passionate thing for a week? You said you're leaving for another job, but you'd move closer to her?
What kind of job is it that you could do that?
Once you said you wanted to know what was inside all the candies in the sampler.
Living on candy isn't very healthy, and very self-indulgent.
Ultra hot women sag over time too. What are you going to do, trade her in for a new model?
Try some patience hon.
Chai Tea,
Thanks. hmmm...well I like humor a lot, and perhaps I've joked around too much lately with that...so I'll take that barb. Can't expect to joke so much then be taken too seriously, one supposes. Thats what socks are for...
The preoccupation thing: hmmm...I've been having these kind of moments of clarity where it seems existentialism and the primal moving force of humanity are kind of merging, and long story short I think sex defines much of our existence more than we are aware of. A lot of people, if they are honest about it, welll its a factor in their life. Perhaps guys on average more than women? Or maybe its just me. And I was just having some fun with all that. But perhaps I joked and went too far with it. Must stay quite serious about that subject, yaaas.
_____
But with this post I'm serious, I tried to make it clear in my original post that I like her because of her intelligence, personality, consideration...yeah the physical is there but thats icing and definitely not the first consideration. Interesting...
<reassesses self>
Well sometimes you get nailed for being too honest too. It would actually be easier for me to display some impeccable flawless character on here. Portray self as wonderful...thats easier.
Anyway, thanks everyone, your advice has been great--thank you!
She knows you are moving 1000 miles away. She'd like to keep in touch.
That is not an invitation to stay where you are to be with her.
Thank her for the card now, and send her an occasional email after you move.
Ok, to beat a dead horse and say it in a sentence:
She dropped her email address. Come on girls, when a very attractive girl, unasked, gives someone her email address, that doesn't mean something? I mean I'm thinking that if a girl is repulsed by the dude, she doesn't include the email address in the card? Just a nice card with no email would be fine for this situation.
I know, I know, I'm overanalyzing it--I just want to learn the language of females...
I don't give a guy my email address when we part ways, unless I really like him a lot as a friend...
It likely means she'd like to keep in touch.
Perhaps for an employment reference in the future, or a business contact, or someone to have coffee with if she ever ends up in the city you're going to.
People always say "keep in touch" when jobs are ending. Nowadays, that generally means lots of email addresses being exchanged - instead of work numbers, as used to be done.
When I switched jobs the last time, I arrived at the new place with about 15 e-ddresses of work colleagues from the previous job. Nothing personal about the exchange.
<and women do tend to write slightly mushier cards than men do. annoying, but it's an upvoice grrrrrl thing>
ehBeth,
Thanks! Darn you women! Darn you to heck! for getting us all twisted up.
But guess what?
I'm going to go talk to her, damnit.
On the plus side, if I'm denied, we don't have to see each other every day at work after that...
Plus I'm thinkin she's holding that eye contact just .001 seconds too long
but what the hell do I know, I'm just a guy.
Now I must go study Lord Ellpus's Top Pickup Lines from the Humor section...if you didn't see those, thats a must--funny stuff.
but really, actually this thread is getting me wound up on this, I'm gonna go talk to her in like 1 hour.
This is funny...like you can have your own damn relationship thread.
A "Reality Web"
"The Dating Life of EM, Live" Thrills, Spills, Hilarious!
Okay, go comb my hair now...
Thank her for the card.
Try not to look too groomed.
Try not to startle her into saying something that would upset both of you.
~~~~~~~~~
About 20 years ago, as I was leaving one job for another, a young man asked me if I would have gone out with him if he'd asked earlier. I was sooooooo unprepared, and so startled, that I burst out laughing. LOUD. The last week wasn't comfortable for either of us, or anyone who'd been on the periphery of that little moment.
I didn't recognize you ehbeth. You changed your hair color.
Maddy thought it might make a nice change.
<I changed my hair colour irl this afternoon - figured I should switch back to this avatar as it matches>
Now you look just like Tabatha's gramma :-o
extra medium wrote:
I don't give a guy my email address when we part ways, unless I really like him a lot as a friend...
maybe she just likes you a lot as a friend.
HAHAHHAHAHAAHAchokegasp ok bend over and take deeeeeep breaths.
- I just thought of something
you said you thought you were overanalyzing this. Isn't that supposed to be the woman's department? (what do you think he meant by that)?
You're STILL fooling us.........You ARE a girl!!!!!
Great avatar ehbeth. I can't think of her name...help me out?
Aurora?
extra, as someone mentioned already, ask her out to lunch
and see how it goes. If you think she's responsive then
ask her for dinner, if not, neither one of you lost their face.
At least you've tried then and don't need to ask yourself "what if?" for years to come.
Nothing will be regreted more than lost opportunities.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace