Lawyer Jokes and You!

I told a lawyer I hadn't had a bite in three days and then I bit him.

Actually, there are only two lawyer jokes, with a few variations. The rest are relatively true stories told by former clients.

Darn selfish of him not to bite you as well.

Three reasons lawyers should be used for experiments instead of lab rats.

1 There's more of them.
2 You don't get attached to them like you can with a rat.
3 There's certain things a rat won't do.

heh. Good one.

It's an old stand up warm up joke. I was given it by another comic, and have used it myself, (not always about lawyers either.)

Worthy of watching all of the way through. Thx for sharing.

Some lawyer jokes quite often heard:

Q: What’s the ideal weight for a lawyer?
A: 3 lbs, including the urn.

Q: What do you call putting 500 lawyers on the bottom of the deepest part of the ocean?
A: A very good start.

Q: Why won’t sharks attack a lawyer who has fallen overboard while at sea?
A: Professional courtesy.

Husband ... Roll over and let's do it the other way.

Wife ... Like Hell, I'm not taking the chance of giving birth to a lawyer.

What's the difference between a dead dog on the road beside a dead Lawyer?

The dog has skid marks in front of it.

What's the difference between a car full of lawyers and a Porcupine?

With the Porcupine, all the pricks are on the outside.