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How to politely tell boyfriend he needs better hygiene down below?

 
 
Mina202
 
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2019 01:07 am
I love my boyfriend to death, we met online six years ago, we’ve been dating for two. We’ve met three times, and the first time we met, his hygeine wasn’t amazing, but you could tell he was trying for the sake of first impressions. The first visit I gave him a blow job, and everything was fine, but then more toward the end of my trip during the second week mark he began getting more comfortable which of course is fine, but he began lacking badly with hygeine. I went to give him a blow Job and he honestly just tasted awful all of the sudden and it really threw me off, I tried to continue but I couldn’t and he got super sad about it. He went and washed himself off, and then when I tried again he hardly washed the soap off and it tasted like I was sucking a bar of soap. I had to stop again and at that point he was really embarrassed and sad, and I felt terrible. Our second visit we were more preoccupied with other sexual things and really didn’t do any oral. Though the third and most recent visit he wanted a blow job again, but he hadn’t showered in like three days. I tried it but again the same thing happened. I’m super comfortable with him as well, but I still want to be clean for him, and I shower every day whether he’s visiting or not. But how can I go about helping him improve on his hygeine without hurting his feelings again?
 
roger
 
  5  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2019 01:12 am
@Mina202,
I've got a feeling you're just going to have to hurt his feelings. I hope it works out well.
Mina202
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2019 01:47 am
@roger,
Any advice on how to at least bring up the topic without straight away making him insecure? The last thing I want is to make him insecure about something which can be so easily fixed. But I noticed when he gets insecure he sort of closes himself off a bit, and sort of just mopes and doesn’t do anything to change/help that insecurity. I know most likely his feelings will get hurt, but I just want them to be hurt in a way that he feels more productive afterward. I want to let him know like its not a big deal, he should just be spending a bit more time in the shower
roger
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2019 01:50 am
@Mina202,
I'm not sure if I'm being serious or not, but maybe offer to get in the shower with him, and offer to help.
eurocelticyankee
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2019 02:37 am
@Mina202,
There used to have a guy like that on a ship I was on. Maher was his name, we used to call him Mucky Maher.
We'd hang soap and shampoo around his bunk and in his kit. He eventually got the message.
So you could start hanging bars of soap in your fellas underwear drawer or in his pockets, see what happens.

As a last resort you could use a good strong industrial power sprayer.
Just keep one handy for when he's looking for a bj and he'll surely get the message.
He'll thank you when he gets out of hospital.
Mina202
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2019 02:48 am
@eurocelticyankee,
Well since we’re mainly long distance I can’t exactly put things in his drawers unless I’m visiting. Next time we visit we’ll actually be going to Thailand instead of to each other’s homes. Not to mention I wouldn’t wanna put him in the hospital lol
Mina202
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2019 02:51 am
@roger,
He’s wanted to “shower” with me for ages, but my shower time is like my self care time, and by him asking to shower with me, he really just wants to **** in the shower lol. So I don’t believe even if I told him I wanted to shower with him that he’d realize I meant ACTUALLY shower and not just have sex. And this method would work if we were together in person more consistently but since our visits are pretty spread out, I’d be waiting for our next visit a few months from now to help him start getting better with hygeine
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2019 02:51 am
@Mina202,
A sense of humor is a good thing to have around here.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2019 06:50 am
Is his hygiene okay elsewhere? If not, then he needs a lesson in basic showering 101. If yes, then is it possible that he was taught (perhaps via religion) not to touch himself more than the barest (heh) minimum?

Not cleaning himself regularly or well does more than just make him stink. It sets him up for irritation and disease, which he can pass on to you.

Frame it as caring about health. When you don't wash your hands (particularly after toileting) and then you eat, you are setting yourself up for any number of stomach bugs. If you touch a bunch of surfaces that people with colds have touched, you are making it easier for you to get a cold. Little to no crotch cleaning or soap rinsing means he's setting up both of you for a urinary tract infection and/or irritation. And if you have ever had one, you never want another one.

You care about his health. That's a part of why you clean. You need for him to do something for your health, and that means washing. Thoroughly, properly, not messing around. and rinsing thoroughly.

And another thing. Poor hygiene can be a sign of depression. I know you care about him and I realize that might not be a discussion you want to have either, but you might want to tell him to visit his doctor.
Lash
 
  3  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2019 07:04 am
Girl, he already knows it’s an issue.

From what you describe, he’s just going through the motions in the bath, not taking care to achieve the desired result.

If you’ve been together two years, he should trust you enough to go through this.

Just tell him your blow job enthusiasm is lacking because of how his dick smells and tastes—and it’s an easy fix, but making dickel ready for prime oral attention is going to require a little more effort on his part.

Take the shower and promise a lovely licking award if he will pay attention to exactly what you do. Wash it for him, dry it for him explaining why each thing you’re doing creates the desired result for you. Make it a little sexy for him.

I mean, it’s either this or fewer or embarrassingly abbreviated blow jobs.

I’d much prefer this if I were a dude. I think you’re sweet to be so patient and kind about it.

Edit—He might have an issue that what he eats and drinks creates an unusually pronounced musty odor in the middle of the day. Maybe he’ll always need to freshen up carefully pre-intimate time. I had a dude like this. Several hours after a shower, he could use another. More vegetables, water, exercise and less alcohol gets rid of it.
maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2019 07:16 am
@Mina202,
I don't think you need to criticize him. I don't think talking about health is valid. I don't think you need to hurt his feelings.

Talk about it as a positive... something you need. If a lover comes to me and says... "I want you to wash well before I go down on you"... why would I be hurt. She is taking responsibility for expressing what she needs.

If a lover tries to give me a lecture about health pr hygiene, I will likely be hurt or get defensive.

Simply frame it as something you want without making any judgement. There are people who enjoy sex without bathing... I don't understand it myself, but the classic book "The Joy of Sex" recommends not bathing.

To each her own.
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2019 08:12 am
@maxdancona,
maxdancona wrote:

I don't understand it myself, but the classic book "The Joy of Sex" recommends not bathing.


Or shaving by the looks of things, not everyone wants to shag a yeti.
maxdancona
 
  -3  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2019 09:35 am
@izzythepush,
It is my opinion that if you are going to "shag a yeti" (as you say), that you should respect her for who she is as a person.

There is a discussion in the US about how society expects women to constantly change their bodies to conform to some ideal of sexual acceptability. Shaving is a part of this, and I think they have a valid point.

At the very least, when I enter into a sexual relationship I accept my partner for who she is. I might express my own desires, but I take responsibility for what I want. Desires are not the same as demands.

In a kink relationship, demands can become part of sexual play. I just realized that this might become confusing. A "top" demanding that a woman shave can be part of a consensual relationship. This is different because it is negotiated up front.... it is very common for each person to write down what they want, what they might accept, and what is completely off the table.



izzythepush
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2019 09:37 am
@maxdancona,
I've just said I'm not going to. You should respect that instead of telling people what to do.

As always the point shoots miles over your head.

The Joy of Sex is about as unerotic as it's possible to get, two incredibly hairy, (hair everywhere, not just the genitals,) people hairing it up horribly.

It came out just as I was of an age where I was beginning to think about sex, one look at that book put me right off.
0 Replies
 
Mina202
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2019 09:39 am
@jespah,
He does a few other poor hygeine related activities, but nothing that’s completelu insane, but nevertheless quite gross.

For example he has exactly four pairs of socks all of which has holes in them, and he would wear the same pair two-three days in a row. His excuse is he only likes one very specific style of socks. I’ve helped him find more pairs of socks in the same style since and told him he could actually get sick from not changing his socks. (Atheletes foot, and other nasty fungus or bacterial skin infections) so he’s gotten better with that. He didn’t where deodorant when I first met him, because he believed that aftershave was enough. I explained to him that aftershave/cologne (while it smells good) does not cover up pit stank, especially once he lifts his arms. He started wearing deodorant, he’d forget every once in again, but that’s just the process of building a habit.

He and I have also spoken already about how he is depressed actually. I’m not sure if you believe in Zodiacs, but he’s a Rising Leo and a Descending Capricorn which makes for a specially sensitive and self-pitying type individual. He has an ego and it gets hurt very easily, but Capricorn prevents him from showing those emotions in the fear of being a burden. Though I have gotten him to slowly start saying how he feels in the six years I’ve known him, he still fails to bring things up to me, and I always have to ask. He’s comfortable talking about it, he’s uncomfortable with being exposed. He wants to maintain this strong leader type roll, but I put it into perspective that humans are emotional creatures. A truly strong person won’t be afraid of showing their emotions, they won’t hide. A fearful coward will hide behind multiple means in order to not speak up.

Me having diagnosed chronic depression, and him going through all my bouts of being really down, he knows not to bottle it up, and he tells me when I ask. He doesn’t want to go to a doctor because his family would ridicule him, but I’ve also told him his family doesn’t have to know. A huge stressor for him is his job, he’s a grocery cleark, and he wants to move forward in life but doesn’t know how. He wants to open a business, or move here to the states. I told him how he can do both so now he’s sort of just debating which one to do. He knows it the type of business he wants to open would thrive in te US but he knows it would take awhile to move here, pushing his dream back a few years.

He’s also very insecure about his body, he’s quite scrawny, but he’s a toned scrawny. He has a small frame, and he doesn’t believe he could ever become muscular. I showered him multiple accounts of people much smaller than him becoming body builders, and he got a gym membership, went once, and hasn’t gone since. I’m polar opposite of him, I’m quite “thicc” as people say, but I refer to myself as a cute chubby lol. I try to encourage him by going to the gym every day, showing that if a fat person can do it, he can too.

Also as far as religious purposes that could be the reason behind his poor hygeine, he was and atheist before he met me. And then he started to become intrigued by my own religion which is Wicca/Paganism. So he really has nothing stopping him, I honestly just think that maybe no one ever taught him how to properly clean himself? He still has his foreskin, and I know you’re supposed to clean more thoroughly when you still have it since bacteria gets trapped inside, I mean his moms a rich alcoholic who was pretty much on vacation 24/7 through out his life, and he lived in Thailand for 6 years while he was a child, so maybe being in a not so clean country during his vital times of forming healthy habits sort of contributed? I’m honestly not sure, I just want to help him, not just for my sake, but for his too, because as you said I do care about his health ESPECIALLY since I’m going to school for nursing
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Mina202
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2019 09:45 am
@Lash,
Well he does know it’s an issue ever since the first time I tried talking about it, but as far as diet goes he’s actually pretty good, he does lack in exercise, but never even touches alcohol. Perhaps our next visit I will try showering with him, but the last three visits I’ve been quite insecure about my fully naked body, so I’ve been scared to shower with him, and I’ve also just always considered showe time to be my time, so the thought of sharing that time, is another things that’s held me back. I’ve been in the gym a lot since our last visit, and even though I have lost hardly any weight, it has made me feel a lot more confident, so perhaps I will shower with him next visit
0 Replies
 
Mina202
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2019 09:48 am
@maxdancona,
I guess I have been sort of lecture-ish the last few times I’ve tried to bring it up. I’m honestly probably gonna combine a few different methods people have recommended to try and help him out a bit
0 Replies
 
Mina202
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2019 09:56 am
@maxdancona,
I never said I was his psychologist, teacher, or priestess? Two people helping each other through their mental health issues isn’t being each other’s psychologist. I never teach him things unless he asks, but I do occasionally lecture him on certaiain things that are genuinely dumb. Such as he accidentally cut his tongue after licking some stuff off a knife, I shouldn’t have lectured him, but I sure as hell was concerned he damn nearly cut his tongue off. So I was simply concerned for his well being. I never told him to switch over to my religion, he asked me about it and became interested in his own. I never even was open about my practices or what was involved with it until he asked. Finally I don’t change anything about him aside from things he says himself he wants help to work on. He wanted help getting ripped, I sent him a workout regime I knew would be good for a beginner and that he could easily do to start out. He wanted to learn how to cook, I helped him. Our relationship is based on trust and helping each other grow, not change. We’re both trying to be the best versions of ourselves. Not to say we want to be perfect, we both have the mindset that you can never stop imrpoving and growing as an individual. So I do not feel I have the right to change him, the same way I do not feel he has the right to change me unless I’m doing something that is genuinely harming me.
izzythepush
 
  4  
Reply Sun 1 Sep, 2019 10:01 am
@Mina202,
Max has issues with women, anything where women assert themselves rattles his chains.

It's always best to assume he's talking about himself, not you, because that's usually the case.

There's nothing wrong in telling your lover what you like and what you don't like, and poor hygiene is something most people have issues with.
 

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