5
   

The age old argument

 
 
Reply Sun 26 May, 2019 11:20 am
Why is it that a man can and will get just as offended over the age old argument of checking out other people and commenting on their physical appearance? My boyfriend put me through hell when I let him see how it felt to show interest in someone else. He argued with me for weeks over this and it led to him asking me was he not good enough to be all that I wanted. In seeing how much it hurt him I never did that out of spite again but many months have passed since this incident but yet he still checks out and comments on other women but yet he gives the worn out excuse that it's only natural and he's a man. How is this fair to me?
 
roger
 
  1  
Reply Sun 26 May, 2019 11:24 am
@countrygirl89,
Well, 'sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander'. I am kind of surprised you thought the technique would work, though. Some people just can't see themselves as others see them.
countrygirl89
 
  1  
Reply Sun 26 May, 2019 11:25 am
@roger,
How do you think I should handle this?
roger
 
  2  
Reply Sun 26 May, 2019 11:44 am
@countrygirl89,
Put up with it or cut him loose. Maybe you could again try to explain your own point of view, but it sounds like you've already done that.

You just have to decide how important the issue is to you, and how important the relationship is.

Do remember that most men will be looking over other women. It doesn't indicate a lack of fidelity, but is quite discourteous and disrespectful when he is out with you. It doesn't sound like you can make the problem go away, so you're probably going to have to make a decision.

Maybe someone else will have actual advice.
maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Sun 26 May, 2019 11:44 am
@countrygirl89,
Either accept him as he is, or end the relationship. Those are the two options you have.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Sun 26 May, 2019 11:44 am
@countrygirl89,
Roger is suggesting that you do the same - check out other men. But it sounds like that’s not what you would do.

You have told him that this habit he has is hurtful to you, yet he keeps doing it. So, since he is just a boyfriend, you can leave this relationship.

If you choose to stay with him, just accept that he is impulsive, rude and unaware of how to act in front of you.

How old is he?
countrygirl89
 
  3  
Reply Sun 26 May, 2019 11:55 am
@roger,
Thank you for your advice. You're right I have repeatedly expressed how I feel about this issue and especially made it clear that there is no difference in what I had said except that he still to this day does this. I offended him so badly with my comments about other men that we had the "feelings talk." I really did listen to every word he had to say and truly felt bad about my actions. I just can't stand the double standards. The hypocrisy. The lame excuses which he tries to justify his continued actions which "when the shoe was on the other foot" was so horribly wrong on my behalf that we argued for that long about it. It is rather an important issue with me especially considering the double standards in play. How can it be so wrong for me and so perfectly fine and natural for him? Bottom line is it can't be. I expect the same respect in return and just like he said to me was he not enough to be all that I wanted. It goes both ways considering the reaction I received from him.
0 Replies
 
countrygirl89
 
  1  
Reply Sun 26 May, 2019 11:56 am
@PUNKEY,
He is 65 and I am 30.
countrygirl89
 
  2  
Reply Sun 26 May, 2019 12:01 pm
@PUNKEY,
Apparently, I was wrong that a man would just come to a certain point in his life and in age to put aside all these childish petty games. I guess some men never mature to that level.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 28 May, 2019 05:36 am
@countrygirl89,
At 65, he is acting like a “dirty old man” — creepy, in fact.

He acts like this to assert his fading manliness. Bet none of the women respond back to his advances.

Tell him he makes a fool out of himself when he acts like that.

But you are right, this behavior is part of his personality.

How is it that you are with him?
maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Tue 28 May, 2019 06:34 am
@PUNKEY,
This is both sexist and ageist. Well done Punkey!

I happen to like being a dirty old man, and my girlfriend likes it too.
countrygirl89
 
  1  
Reply Tue 28 May, 2019 01:00 pm
@PUNKEY,
We met because we work at the same place. I found him to be attractive from the moment I saw him. He really doesn't look his age. So we talked about things the other day like it was suggested I should and he finally admitted he was a hypocrite and said his actions were wrong. When I asked him why he's still continuing to do this he said I've been single far too long and in his 7 years of being single every time he would go out he would intentionally look at other women to find attractive qualities about them. In other words, he is intentionally looking for beauty, compatibility, personality,.....and giving flirtatious signs regardless of if anything comes out of it because old habits die hard even though he is with me. In my mind I suppose that's possible but I lean more towards the belief that once in a relationship that "habit" would go away because naturally anyone finding a date after being single for 7 years would be happy and so involved with their new partner.
0 Replies
 
Sturgis
 
  1  
Reply Tue 28 May, 2019 01:09 pm
@maxdancona,
Quote:
I happen to like being a dirty old man and my girlfriend likes it too.


Wait, let me see if I got this right...

Your girlfriend is a dirty old man?! Shocked So, you are using this moment of time to exit the "closet"? Good for you max, good for you!
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Tue 28 May, 2019 01:34 pm
@Sturgis,
There is nothing sexier on this planet then a dirty old man. (The title of this thread now seems prescient).



roger
 
  1  
Reply Tue 28 May, 2019 01:45 pm
@maxdancona,
It's "age old" not "old age".
countrygirl89
 
  1  
Reply Tue 28 May, 2019 02:31 pm
@roger,
If you don't mind would you give me some advice again? How is it that my relationship which started out so well and we both had the same view on what a healthy relationship is has gone to old habits are hard to break? It wasn't like that to begin with and he also stated that our relationship has veered off course because things like this are happening but it's not like we can't fix it. So I am left with the impression that somewhere along the road something happened to change how he felt about me and has gone back to doing this in hopes of finding someone better. I guess everybody gets tired of the same thing when it's getting close to the one year mark.?
roger
 
  2  
Reply Tue 28 May, 2019 03:29 pm
@countrygirl89,
I've not much to give. From your post, I get the feeling he doesn't respect you or your feelings. Personally, that would be a deal breaker for me. Maybe not for you.

Also, you started paying attention to other men, just to give him an idea of how you are feeling. He doesn't seem to have made the connection between his behavior and yours. He may have other qualities, but it does seem like he is a person who only sees things from his own viewpoint.

If I were seeing a woman that fit his description, I would probably be thinking of a nice (relatively) way to cut her adrift. That's only my own likely reaction. It's still your own decision.
countrygirl89
 
  1  
Reply Tue 28 May, 2019 03:31 pm
@roger,
Thank you for all your advice.
RedOrchet
 
  0  
Reply Wed 29 May, 2019 08:25 pm
@countrygirl89,
Yeah, not fair at all. Everything in a give and take relationship must be reciprocated. You had the right idea the first time, if he's going to do that to you give him a taste of his own medicine. You must feel totally inadequate when he comments on other women.. I couldn't stay with a man if I weren't his one and only, even if he was "just looking" because he's a man and he can't help but notice. That's bullshit... I've been with my fiance for three years and I can tell you honestly he never makes me feel like he is interested in anybody else, he doesn't even respond to other women in a flirtatious manner. He makes me feel like he truly believes in his heart that I hung the moon. You deserve better... But if you're going to tough this out you have to get tougher and reciprocate what he's doing to you. It's only fair, two way street babe.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 May, 2019 07:12 pm
@countrygirl89,
He may be getting bored or restless with your relationship, so he acts like a fool and humiliates you, so you will break up with him.

Narcissists are like that - love bomb, destroy, and then discard.

 

Related Topics

 
  1. Forums
  2. » The age old argument
Copyright © 2019 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.03 seconds on 10/19/2019 at 11:58:06