Fri 3 May, 2019 12:41 am
So I live with my boyfriend of almost four years and this has been the way things have been for at least the last two years. My boyfriend only touches me in a sexual way. In public or by a lot of family he will hold my hand and give me a normal kiss. But at home or in the car, etc. when we are alone he will not even give me a hug without going for my butt or my breasts. He even touches me like that when he walks past me or something. I’ve told him multiple times that I wish he wouldn’t be so sexual all of the time but then he only isn’t for the next hour. He goes back to always being sexual pretty quickly. I would really like to just be able to kiss him or hug him and have his hand around my waist or something. Or even have him walk past me and hug me or give me an endearing touch rather than be sexual 24/7. I partially feel like I am just over reacting and maybe he’s just doing it to show attraction, I don’t know thought, that’s why I’m on here. I just want to know if you think I am over reacting or if this seems like a problem like it does to me. Thanks.
Sit down and talk, perhaps in front of a therapist and explain exactly what you said here. About how there's more to you than just your breasts, etc. And see what happens. It may take a few tries and it could potentially be how it all ends. But if he doesn't respect your wishes when it comes to your body, then you might just be better off that way.
Impulsive? Lack of respect for your boundaries? Horney? His habit with women in the past?
Whatever it is, he needs to know he’s going from 0 to 100 WAY too fast and it’s unacceptable. So that makes me wonder how he is in bed? Attentive or self pleasing?
Sounds like he doesn’t know about non sexual foreplay. Let him know that an arm around you or a gentle kiss on the cheek during the day is just Stage One. And unless he moves thru these “ stages” you aren’t going to be ready for the big act. Trouble is, he may not know how to to that. He needs to learn how to seduce a woman.
May I ask how old are you two?
he is clearly communicating you are his sex toy only. surprised he doesn't show this in public as well. take a break from him for a while to show him how serious you are about being treated properly.
Chiming in as a man.
Your wish to be touched in a caring, non-sexual way is completely reasonable. He should be listening you. You are not overreacting. If he can not change this I would suggest you find another boyfriend.
Have you told him what you want, rather than what you don't want? If you explicitly tell him what you want and he doesn't show a sincere effort to do that with noticeable improvement, you may have way too different priorities about sex and relationships or he may be disrespecting your feelings and needs, potentially even leading to emotional/sexual abuse.