Sex-LGBTQ NSFW

What is the actual term if I enjoy having sex pretending to be/dressed as a girl, but in no other instance in my life do I want to be one? Like is it a specific kink? Is it an actual trans-indicator? Could I be in denial?
To monologue it for a minute,
I mean I feel like I should never be caught doing it, but it doesn't feel wrong to do it. I enjoy being a man, but I've always had disagreements about the world, not always related to this, but sometimes it feels like I'm struggling with things that come naturally to others of my gender. Like all the guys I know find it easy to bro-friendship, but I've always struggled even with, no offence, the nerdy groups. I've always found it easier to hang out with girls, but never in a way that would make anyone think I'm trans or gay, because everyone who brings it up thinks it's a hilarious impossibility for me to be gay. I've never really had the desire to publicly dress as a girl, only in private, but girl stuff doesn't embarrass me like it does other guys. I mean I'd say it's because of how many sisters I have, but I had 12 sisters & 9 brothers, and none of my other brothers had the same issues as me, at least not publicly, not even the public issues like bro-friends. I know I'm more attracted to girls, because I prefer romantic connections to them, but sexually I'm not uncomfortable sleeping with guys either, I just don't have romantic attraction it's usually only sexual.
I guess I'm just confused but to break it down:
. Sexually, not romantically attracted to guys.
. Sexually & Romantically attracted to girls.
. Has a kink in private to dress as a girl sometimes to have sex, I'm never bottom the guy usually is.
. Struggles making guy friends.
. Doesn't struggle with girls.
. Very confused because I was never raised in a very LGBTQ environment so I have no idea what to do about any of this or how to explain it to someone else.