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Asking a father for his daughter's hand in marriage

 
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 May, 2005 08:40 am
Kitchenpete - I don't feel it is sexist really. She is still going to have to accept - so she ultimately makes the decision. To me it is like having good manners or for some tradition. Almost like offering your seat to a lady or holding the door open, etc.

My question is has any parent ever said no? And what would a man do then - still ask the woman?
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Synonymph
 
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Reply Fri 6 May, 2005 08:44 am
It's a nice ritual, and a traditional gesture of respect toward the prospective father-in-law.
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George
 
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Reply Fri 6 May, 2005 08:56 am
Synonymph wrote:
It's a nice ritual, and a traditional gesture of respect toward the prospective father-in-law.


I think that's exactly how Fred sees it.
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FreeDuck
 
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Reply Fri 6 May, 2005 09:11 am
It's sounds a bit more like an "ask for your blessing" than an "ask for permission" kind of thing. Kind of a show of respect for the parents of his bride to be. I think it's nice as long as it's done with respect for all involved.
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material girl
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 May, 2005 09:21 am
Speaking on behalf of a friend who is dictating to me-

Several reasons I believe asking the father in law to be's permission for his daughters hand inmarriage,

It's tradition,

The father cares about his daughter and has her best interests at heart and I want his approval of me

I also see why you think its a bit outdated but lets not get rid of all traditions, where has all the romance gone.

I also believe the girl your proposing to shouldnt know that your asking the father, so its a surprise that she is not expecting.

If he says no then all all parties should discuss the situation.
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mac11
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 May, 2005 09:38 am
sozobe wrote:
I was wondering what mac thought about that, too. Did he just ask without talking to you about it first?


Yes, that's what pissed me off. I'd known him over a year, and we'd been dating a few months. We'd never seriously talked about marriage before he went and talked to my parents without my knowledge. I think that he was concerned that my parents would forbid the marriage because I was 20 - i.e. too young. I was surprised and pleased to be formally asked - he handed me a written proposal! - and presented with a ring. But when I found out that my parents had known about it for a week, I was really mad at him. Looking back, it was typical of our lack of communication which eventually broke up the relationship.
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George
 
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Reply Fri 6 May, 2005 09:41 am
a WRITTEN proposal?
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mac11
 
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Reply Fri 6 May, 2005 10:26 am
Yes, a very formal, handwritten proposal.
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George
 
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Reply Fri 6 May, 2005 12:37 pm
Wow.
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Heeven
 
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Reply Fri 6 May, 2005 12:50 pm
A boyfriend of mine asked my dad for permission once, and my dad tried to let him down gently by asking if he (the boyfriend) had discussed it with me first - he hadn't. The boyfriend asked me to marry him anyway and I said no. My dad never told me about his discussion but I was pleased that he knew me so well that he knew I would say no and was trying to break it gently to the boyfriend. Poor dad!
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CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 May, 2005 12:51 pm
I think it's a nice gesture to ask the father of the bride.
Heck, I'll be satisfied if my daughter one day will marry
the guy I choose for her Wink
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Noddy24
 
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Reply Fri 6 May, 2005 04:17 pm
The First Mr. Noddy spent a good three months announcing to me and to everyone else that he would never ask his own parents permission for his marriage, so why should he ask my parents.

Then he announced this to my parents.

I should have brushed the stars out of my eyes and taken heed.
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JPB
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 May, 2005 08:20 pm
George?

Are you ok?

Any updates?

I hope it all went well and the talk was what you thought it was going to be.

[size=7][/size] I hate it when they leave us hanging like this... Cool
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sozobe
 
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Reply Sat 7 May, 2005 08:27 pm
Indeed!

Maybe celebratory weekend...?
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Aurora Dark
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 May, 2005 09:08 pm
My fiance didn't ask my parents... I think he knew he'd be rejected... Sad

He's a nice guy and they know it, and they sure get along with him, but he is the one initiating the whole thing, the one that convinced me to move to be with him (of course, with MY approval Razz), and to top that off, financially and economically he's not on "my" (my family and I) level, so he'd looked down on for it...

all in all, it'd be a bad idea T_T -sigh


but I'd imagine that it'd feel pretty good to have full parental support with this kind of thing... so my best wishes to those that do Smile
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Noddy24
 
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Reply Sat 7 May, 2005 09:35 pm
Aurora--

Will they cry with you at his funeral? That's what's important.
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Aurora Dark
 
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Reply Sun 8 May, 2005 01:27 am
I doubt it'd make them cry... but I'd have support from them at that time...

But I don't think I understand the full significance of your comment.. can you explain it more? ^^;
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Noddy24
 
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Reply Sun 8 May, 2005 11:51 am
Some parents trust their children--other parents trust-but-grumble and some just grumble.

Down to the wire: At his funeral would they console you or announce, "Good riddance!"?
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George
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 May, 2005 07:35 am
Update.
Fred and I met for coffee on Friday. He told me how much he loved my
daughter and that they planned to marry and wanted my blessing.
And of course I gave it.
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George
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 May, 2005 07:36 am
Noddy~
That is certainly getting to the heart of the matter!
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