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Mon 22 Apr, 2019 08:12 am
So I've been married for 7 months, after dating for 6 years. Lately I've been wondering what's wrong with me because i have no desire to be with my husband. I don't mean only sexually, but in general. When he goes to work i feel better then when he is at home. I started thinking that I've maybe fallen out of love for him, and i'm feeling so guilty.
Two weeks ago we went on a trip to Thailand. Seriously, i hated it, because all i wanted is to be alone, and i had to be with him, every single second. During the trip, i end up being rude to him when he asked me something, and he told me 'don't talk to me unless you want me to slap you'. i seriously had no reaction.
Sometimes when i do something wrong (i'm talking about small things) he gets angry and starts saying 'someday someday..' (like he was threatening me) and i wonder, someday what?
I also avoid telling him things when i know that he will get angry, or sometimes (a lot) i do things that i don't want to do, just because i don't want to deal with the aftermath of telling him no.
yesterday he confronted me about my behaviour, telling me that i was acting strange and that lately i kept pointing his flaws. Well i cant say that he is wrong, but i honestly dont know what to do.
Should i break up with him? try to work things out? i'm a really out of love, or just passing a bad fase?
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@confusedcookie,
Do yourself a favor and get out now, before you bring any kids into the picture or entangle your finances any further.
You are not the first person (not by a long shot) to get buyer's remorse once the wedding bells stopped chiming.
And most importantly, trust your instincts. If you think he's capable of violence (and he's already threatening it), then get outta Dodge before it happens.
I'd also suggest that you seek out counseling as you sound (I am not a doctor) depressed.
Was he always like this and you didn't see it, or is his behavior new?
Perhaps he is unhappy too.
Sit down with him, preferably in front of an elder or a counselor, where you can speak freely. This marriage can’t go on as it is.
@jespah,
I already went to the doctorat, i had to quit one of my jobs alter burning my self out, working 2 jobs for 2 years. He gave me an antidepressant, that i took for 3 months but eventually quit because my husband sees taking antidepressants as being weak and keep bugging me for taking them.. yeah i know.
@PUNKEY,
No he was never like that.. his father abused his mother and he is very vocal about how he condemn that type of behaviour. Maybe for him threatening me its not the same.
Yes i’m also wondering if his behaviour its not a result of mine. I just cant understand what changed in me.
@confusedcookie,
Good that you examine yourself, but maybe it is not your behavior, and maybe nothing has changed in you.
@confusedcookie,
I really-really feel compassion to you. What purpose do we getting married? To be happy together, and you both clearly not.
May be,you should say him that you want to have some time separately from him just to think about your relationship and take a decision?
@PUNKEY,
I hope you didn’t misunderstand me. In no way is his behavior due to anything you are doing. In fact, his behavior ( anger, control, blame) is unacceptable and would depress anyone.
That’s why I said he may be unhappy in the marriage, too. He may be acting this way so you will leave him.
@confusedcookie,
You're not responsible for his bad behavior and his threats. He's an adult. He gets to own all of that, all by himself.
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