My man rearranged the living room while I was out.

People do things together all the time.

He took the initiative to do his part.

Now it's time for you to do yours.

Don't worry about hurting his feelings ... he has a lot to be proud of already, because he started the process and you didn't.

When both people show up and actively take part . . . THEN the communication can begin!

What?

Move the furniture around. Get different ideas going and talk about it!

Debra_Law -IMO, your hurt feelings have very little to do with furniture or room arrangements. It is your man taking you for granted, which feels belittling to you.

By rearranging the furniture in a room without consulting you, he is invading your space, and discounting you. Now, many women rearrange furniture in rooms without any problems from their partners, but most guys don't seem to be bothered by that sort of thing.

Women like to "nest". Their homes are reflections of their personalities. You may see his rearranging as a rejection of you as a person. He might have had no such thing in mind. He was probably just trying to be helpful, but lacked the sensitivity to realize that what he was doing would upset you. No matter how you slice it, men and women ARE different, and react differently in various situations.

Sit down calmly, and have a talk with him. Tell him how you felt when he changed around your space. Then rearrange the furniture, together!

As I said earlier, Mrs. Throbber does this all the time. I hate it. She knows it. She does it anyway. If I were to start a thread about how she's ignoring my feelings, you guys would laugh me out of the forum and tell me to stop whining about such a little thing.

You're making waaayyy too much out of this IMO.

blueveinedthrobber- I wouldn't laugh at you. To me it is a matter of respect and caring. If something really upsets you, and your wife insists on continuing to do it, you really need to talk with her.

You may not believe this Phoenix, but I have a couple of bad habits that she hates too. It's a wash pretty much. :wink:

BVT- as long as you understand the deal!

We have a "hunter /gatherer" type marriage. I go out and hunt down and kill antique furniture. Then I drag it to the back porch where noone can see it from our lane I leave the dead furniture there till she tells me where to place it .
Usually this whole process involves multitasking and many maneuvers. Sort of like Rubick's Cube. I bought a huge weathervane on a stand from a New England Barn once. Its about 6 ft tall. As directed, I drug it to the porch and she looked it over. She wanted it next to a fireplace in a guest bedroom. There was a blanket chest already there. SO the blanket chest went to another spot which was occupied with some other chochkie. I think that the weather vane cost me an entire day of moving **** around.
Smart women dont let their husbands know how smart they really are.

Conversely, the first few times Mrs. Throbber gave me a chore or a task I screwed it up so badly that she now considers me an incompetent boob where such matters are concerned and I am never called on for such things. :wink:

I say, if you got home, and he hadn't sold any of the furniture, if all of your nick-nacks and mementos are still there--you came out of it smelling like a rose . . .

If he arranged the room, he can dust and vacuum the room. Sweat equity bestows certain rights and obligations.

I think that if you do this, you are ignoring his feelings as much as you feel he ignored yours. If you really have a problem with it, talk to him! Going behind his back and rearranging it after he has just done it would be petty and immature and cause communication problems that it doesnt seem like you already have.

My husband does this all the time. At first it would bother me - then one day I just decided I could get ticked off each time or just accept it. I decided to just accept it. I suppose it really depends on how important it is to you and how he would react when you say you don't like him doing this. Maybe he thought it would be a great gift to surprise you with the changes. If it is that important to you then bring it up, but try not to be confrontational. Maybe say I appreciate all the hard work, but I would like to be there when you make these changes so I can give some input too. Or if there is something about the current change you don't like, a less confrontational way to handle it would be to say, thanks for all the hard word, could we take try a couple of other ways to be move A and B and see how that works?

It is funny, now that I relaxed about it - it is almost a joke whenever he does this. The other day, I got home from work and our bedroom was rearranged (my husband was out of work for a couple of works - beyond his control) and my comment was - you need to get back to work. I just don't worry about it, unless it looks horrible.

True, and I, for one, like my "nest" to be cemented in. I've lived in my house for 10 years and every stick of furniture is exactly where it was 10 years ago. I would have a stroke if my husband rearranged the furniture while I was out. Some people thrive on change, some abhor it. Some like Debra, seem to be ok with it, but need to put their own mark on it. Different strokes...

Debra, if your relationship with your man is otherwise strong he won't get bent out of shape if you tell him you appreciate his efforts but want to make some tweaks in the scheme to put your personal touch on the new arrangement. Go with what he started and modify it so that it reflects both of you.

It sounds to me like the problem isn't that he did it... it is that he didn't do it the way you wanted him to.

I agree with J_B, I've kind of stayed out of this because I don't get what needs to be handled, why in a strong relationship Debra can't just talk to him about it. Just what she said here.

We talked briefly Saturday evening. He asked me how I liked the living room and I replied, "It's your house, you can do anything you want."

LOL

He was quick to state that this is "our house," that he "loves me," that he was "just trying to help out," and that "we can change anything I don't like."

Me: "Okay honey." I still felt excluded and almost weepy over the situation . . . but . . . .

Next day ---> PERIOD

ROFL

Today ---> I'm not emotional about anything. No big deal. If I want to change anything, my man will use his big strong, sexy, masculine muscles to move the furniture until his woman is satisfied.

OMG. I have just sent womanhood back to the dark ages.

But . . . no crappola. Whenever I'm feeling a little emotional about something . . . I better check the calendar.

If someone I was with said
"It's your house, you can do anything you want."
I would feel offended and slapped, like I was being shut out of a relationship that we work together for, support, and care very much about.

That is, until we talked and spent some time together,
and both of us could see that it was the hormones making noise.
Then it's not personal.

Always talk. Always get together on things that obviously matter.
Like Sozobe said ... a strong relationship.
He sounds like a really great guy.
I hope both of you, not just one or the other, can be satisfied.

i've gone through this before. it consists of finding out who wants it their way more the hard way - by you changing it back while he is gone and seeing if he \changes it back and continue this until they get sick of whatever it is they are moving hey you can even do it in pieces he'll stop moving the ones he's sick of you moving etc and eventually you'll have your answer.