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Flirting boundaries in the dating scene?

 
 
petir
 
Reply Thu 14 Mar, 2019 05:42 pm
Single gay male INFJ here. Just moved to a new city over a year ago. Still do not have a friend I can hang out with on a constant basis and am desperately looking for one.

I’ve been hanging out with this fellow gay guy (we met through instagram dm) who has been with his partner for one year.. The first time we met he told me he straight up told me he got a bf and I thought it was weird that we hung out but he said he just moved to the city and looking for friends too so I went with it.

So we started hanging out and everything was great..until last night he started flirting with me. It was just a casual banter thing and I guess he was in the moment but something about it really gets in to me..

Something about messing with someone else’s boyfriend.. I know where my boundaries are and I made sure he knows about it. Makes me depressed thinking about the gay culture.. are we bound to give love more freely than straight couples? Seems like as people are getting more educated on contemporary relationships (open etc) more people are resorting towards that and i see a lot of people on open relationship on the dating apps.

Puts me into a grim mood all day. What are your thoughts on the gay dating scene?
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Mar, 2019 08:50 pm
You might ask him what his intentions are when he starts flirting with you.

Is his BF around? Have you ever even seen him?

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izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Mar, 2019 12:41 pm
@petir,
Generally speaking young men have a higher sex drive than young women, so it's inevitable that hook ups are more likely.

That's not true of gay culture, it's true of young men. Men, gay and straight, slow down as they get older.

You say you're lonely and looking for friends. What interests do you have? Are there any groups you could join, be it hobbies, the arts, politics whatever? It will help you get out there, and meet more people, make more friends.

It can't be easy trying to put down roots in a new city when the only friend you've got is someone who views you as a potential sexual partner.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Mar, 2019 01:39 pm
@izzythepush,
Also, men in general are better able to separate sex from a relationship, and having sex with someone is a stand alone.

So, gay males I think are more apt to just enjoy the sex as something recreational, regardless of whether they are in something of a relationship or not.

That’s opposed to many lesbians who I’m sure some enjoy sex for sex same, like any woman gets more emotionally involved. Like the joke “what does a lesbian bring with her on a second date?”

A U-Haul.

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