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Am I being Crazy?

 
 
Reply Tue 12 Feb, 2019 04:32 pm
Hi guys

I was wondering if it's me getting mad recently over nothing and I am bit worried over a maybe silly thing.

My bf is a Formula 1 enthusiastic and loves cars a lot. He normally spend few hours racing online every Sunday evening meaning he is usually busy from 7 pm till 10:30 pm.

When the new season of F1 will start in March, he has said to be willing to watch ethe qualifications on Saturdays afternoon and every race on Sundays.

And this will be happening every other weekend.
Meaning on those weekends will be busy Sat+Sun afternoon and Sunday evening/ night.
Plus Saturday and Sunday sleeping till late morning .

So I'm a bit concerned that 'his passion' would take much time off from us Sad

We don't live together, I start working very early in the morning 2-3 times per week I'm busy for a few hours after work ( cleaning, hovering, some hobbies) resulting not having much time for us either on those days.

I have tried to explain my thoughts but he felt judged as I'm planning already on something that hasn't even happened yet .

But I have also explained to him I needed just to know a bit in advance to organise myself and I could choose to signing in some activities during that time.

Am I being unreasonable?
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Type: Discussion • Score: 3 • Views: 422 • Replies: 23
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chai2
 
  2  
Reply Tue 12 Feb, 2019 04:39 pm
@Daffodil22,
You should sign up for activities you like to do, while he enjoys activities he likes to do.

I don't know anything about F1 racing. How many weeks are the qualifications?
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Feb, 2019 04:49 pm
@Daffodil22,
This sounds like something that needs to be negotiated. The two of you have to work out what is reasonable.

I think your feelings are reasonable and understandable. Hopefully he can accept that. One the other side this is his passion and it is important to him. Hopefully you can understand that.

I don't think you should get angry. I do think that you should talk to him respectfully about what you need, and see if you can figure out a way to make it work.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Feb, 2019 05:01 pm
@Daffodil22,
Daffodil22 wrote:


And this will be happening every other weekend.
Meaning on those weekends will be busy Sat+Sun afternoon and Sunday evening/ night.
Plus Saturday and Sunday sleeping till late morning .

So I'm a bit concerned that 'his passion' would take much time off from us Sad

We don't live together, I start working very early in the morning 2-3 times per week I'm busy for a few hours after work ( cleaning, hovering, some hobbies) resulting not having much time for us either on those days.


2 - 3 days a week you're scheduled in a way to be too busy for him. he's making plans for partial days every other week.

Seems like you're the one who's taking time away from the two of you. He's being very considerate of you given your priorities.

Relax.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Feb, 2019 05:03 pm
@Daffodil22,
Daffodil22 wrote:

Am I being unreasonable?


yeah

you'd apparently rather clean house than spend time with your bf.

let him have his F1 time and think about your priorities (you know you could move your cleaning/crafting/whatever to those times for those weeks - and free up the week evenings for him)
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Tue 12 Feb, 2019 05:18 pm
@ehBeth,
Wow beth, I missed that about the days she specifically cannot do something with him because of things that she has chosen to be more important at that particular time.

Not advocating she not clean or have hobbies, but yeah, that works into it.

Personally, I'd be glad the other person has an interest in watching F1 or something like that, rather than doing a lot of other nefarious things with his time.

Years ago, some young thing asked me if I didn't mind my husband engaged in some hobby (can't even remember what it was), and why didn't I "make" him stop it to be with me. She was also needlessly concerned about whatever this activity cost.

Well, within myself, his activity was a conversation starter for us, and he was very happy and excited talking about it. I didn't care one way or the other about whatever it was, but I loved seeing him laughing and enjoying himself sharing with me.

In reality, I told the girl "Well, he could be doing that, or drinking in a titty bar, spending a lot more than he is."


0 Replies
 
Daffodil22
 
  2  
Reply Tue 12 Feb, 2019 05:18 pm
@ehBeth,
Thanks.

Well I can't move them as I am part of a crafting class, so I can't do much in changing times around.

Regarding the cleaning unfortunately I am renting and have 2 dogs (which need also to be taken out) and it's something I got to do it (rather choosing..:-/)

Surely I will let him, no need even for him to ask.

However when I tried to explain my thoughts he really took it personally, when I had no intention at all to 'control him' or 'limit' him whatsoever
Daffodil22
 
  2  
Reply Tue 12 Feb, 2019 05:23 pm
@chai2,
Yeah that what I was willing to do ..hence I tried entering the subject and see together to find a way.. although I realise it shouldn't take too much time discussing over something like this..it's not a big deal

I think F1 is every other weekend both Saturday and Sunday..and this include race plus qualifications. Until December 2019?

But he's got his online gaming every Sunday night
Daffodil22
 
  2  
Reply Tue 12 Feb, 2019 05:25 pm
@maxdancona,
Sure, I'm not angry at all ..but unfortunately I must have spoken in the wrong way because he got quite emotional over it and it wasn't my intention at all.


I wish every now and then though whilst he is not busy going out together on those days and spend some quality time together :-(
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Feb, 2019 05:26 pm
@Daffodil22,
Daffodil22 wrote:
Well I can't move them as I am part of a crafting class, so I can't do much in changing times around.

Regarding the cleaning unfortunately I am renting and have 2 dogs (which need also to be taken out) and it's something I got to do it (rather choosing..:-/)


you can choose when you do your big clean. dogs have to go out every day but you can choose the times and/or invite your bf to join you on the outings and then give him a light meal.

if crafting class is more impt than your bf than it's fair that his interests trump time with you

turn about is fair play
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Feb, 2019 05:28 pm
@Daffodil22,
Daffodil22 wrote:
However when I tried to explain my thoughts he really took it personally, when I had no intention at all to 'control him' or 'limit' him whatsoever


then why bother?

you make your own plans, he can make his plans without having to explain them to you. he let you know he'd be busy. more than good enough. I hope you thanked him for letting you know about his schedule.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Feb, 2019 05:31 pm
@Daffodil22,
Quote:
I wish every now and then though whilst he is not busy going out together on those days and spend some quality time together :-(


I don't think I would get emotional if you expressed it this way. If you say "I really wish we could spend more time together, could we work something out".... maybe that could start a constructive conversation with a defensive reaction.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Feb, 2019 05:33 pm
@Daffodil22,
Daffodil22 wrote:
it's not a big deal


if it's not a big deal to reschedule his plans - it should be no big deal to reschedule your activities

seriously - over 2 weeks, you're too busy to see him 4 - 6 evenings, while he's too busy for 2 partial afternoons/evenings

the discrepancy doesn't work in your favour in terms of who is being reasonable
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  0  
Reply Tue 12 Feb, 2019 05:40 pm
@Daffodil22,
Daffodil22 wrote:

it's not a big deal




So if it's not a big deal, why are you making it one?

Yes, you are.

One piece of relationship advice I would give, decide what hills you're willing to die on.

I wouldn't choose for it to be over something like this.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Feb, 2019 05:49 pm
Laughing

I don't think our new friend expected 2 old broads like us.

Obviously talk between 2 people is important, but I can't stand it when someone uses these cliches and buzz words about just freaking saying something.

It's not like life is a Dr. Phil show where everything has to be talked out ad nauseum. Yeah, that will put the other person off.

Yes, it was nice of him to let you know his plans, and you can now go about your life and do what you want doing those times. Just as he apparantly does what he wants when you're busy with what is important to you.

You're 2 adults, you can have whatever date night special time any day of the week. Like spontaneously when you both realize you're together and free.

Unplanned, unorchestrated good times are really so much better than all this pinning your lives on this exact time when you'll do something.
0 Replies
 
Sturgis
 
  2  
Reply Tue 12 Feb, 2019 06:11 pm
@Daffodil22,
Quote:
...time off from us.

A good relationship can benefit greatly from time apart now and then.

Quote:
Am I being unreasonable?

I'm not inside your brain. Possibly you just are a little clingy.

You don't share a home, you have time apart already. Find ways to spend a few hours of combined off hours together or accept these few extra hours knowing the Formula 1. Maybe learn more about this interest of his and spend some time enjoying him and his interest.

Hope it works out for the both of you.
0 Replies
 
Daffodil22
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Feb, 2019 02:03 am
@maxdancona,
Yes exactly that's how I have started and didn't work really well.

How silly I have been 😟
0 Replies
 
Daffodil22
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Feb, 2019 02:05 am
@ehBeth,
Well not really I had the 'brilliant idea' to try and tell him this and he didn't like it ..☚ī¸

I wish to have kept my mouth shut 😤
0 Replies
 
Daffodil22
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Feb, 2019 02:09 am
@ehBeth,
Sirry, I forgot to mention going out with my dogs it's not my bf's cup of tea so can't be done together.

Regarding my others chores he wish rather to be with me however when Hoovering or tiding up I really can't do both things and give him the attention he would deserve
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Wed 13 Feb, 2019 02:43 am
@Daffodil22,
Doesn't he have his own place to take care of? After about a year away from my first husband I dated a man who had his own house but he didn't clean it. I had my own place and a 3 year old and of course laundry, meals, grocery shopping, cleaning our place, working usually a 40 plus hour week.....I hated going to his place and when he started to hint how nice it would be if I helped him clean it up I became more and more disinclined.

I understand you would like more interaction, but you are expecting him to enjoy chores when he comes over.....I assume you both are young...I was 28 when I found myself by myself with a baby....any free time I had, I wanted to engage in leisure, conversation and time with friends.....I didn't want to clean other peoples homes, make their meals or do their laundry. But my first marriage was a nightmare (details rough) I needed time to heal and recover.....I didn't need a third job.

I might be sounding very critical, but I'm really not trying to be hard on you...you just need to find a happy medium. Try to enjoy yourself, have a little fun and budget your time more carefully. Of course the dogs need to be cared for, don't neglect them, and maybe when he gets to know your dogs a little better he might be up for assisting you. My first husband made me give up my cocker spaniel......I should have gotten rid of him and kept the dog....but that's something that I didn't figure out right away. Just give yourself a little time and don't get anxious....enjoy yourself.
 

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