coveting another man's wife

Yes.

Now on to you and her. Of course this is useless, but it helps you work out who you want, no??

j/osso

Kicky- I look at it this way. When I walk past Tiffany's, sometimes I see something that I really want, and can't afford. I could smash the window, and grab the piece, especially if I knew that I wouldn't get caught, but I won't, 'cause it's the wrong thing to do!

Crushes, infatuations, whatever you want to call them - yeah, they're the most exciting things in the world (to me, anyway). But Phoenix is right -you gotta just say no. Just keep telling yourself that the fantasy is probably more exciting than the reality - especially when the reality will involve lying and sneaking around...but sure - for those of us with a rebellious streak - the fact that it's forbidden just makes it that much more interesting-but what I've learned is unless you want your life to be utter chaos - resisting is what it's all about.

If she wants to be with another guy, who are you to say that it shouldn't be you?!

Phoenix and I look at this in the same way...

My analogy is this...

Life is like a big art museum filled with beautiful art. I look at that art. I appreciate that art. I might want to have that art...but I am not going to take that art home with me. :wink:

During my first marriage I would find myself fantisizing about a certain married friend. It was really more of an indication of my unhappiness in my own relationship than actually wanting to get involved with someone else. I haven't really fixated on anyone since the beginning of my relationship with Mr B.

There's no harm in looking but all kinds of ugliness can result from touching.

Just don't call her name out by accident next time you're making love. the Kleenex might get jealous.

Re: coveting another man's wife


Yes. But, like, whatever.. life goes on. And lucky me, I get to see her again tonight.

Oooh, I can so sympathize, kicky. I've had 3 strong crushes since I've been married. Didn't act on any of them but boy were they the stuff of fantasy.

Smash the window. Take the ring. Steal the artwork.

I dunno. I must admit, I find it harder to be unfaithful (impossible I guess, since I have never cheated, in a relationship, I'm not married) to the one I'm with than to bang some other guy's girl. Not saying I wouldn't feel guilty. But a lot depends on context. It's one thing to go after someone you hardly know in your Italian class. But lets say the class decided to start going out for drinks afterward, you know?

Do it! Do it!

The devil is a talking kool-aid pitcher.

Kicky! Commitment issues much?

(Nothing safer than coveting someone you ain't gonna get.)

true, true

OTOH, just because she's married doesn't mean she's happily married. You might be the Prince Charming she's been waiting for to bust out of her disappointing marriage. Maybe she's dreaming about Kicky at night....

In fact, that part about drinks...that was last night. I met her in a class that I used to take, and I haven't seen her since that class ended, about a month ago. Last night was drinks at an italian club thing, and among the people who showed up was her.

I know (well, I'm pretty sure, at least) that I would never do anything with this girl (unless I was really really drunk), but when I saw her last night, I think I must have looked like one of those cartoon characters with the tongue rolling out onto the floor and the eyes bugging out.

So when she sees me, she comes up and gives me an innocent kiss on the cheek, italian style, and I immediately decide that I will eat broken glass for her if she asks. She doesn't ask me to do that, but she asks me to get her a glass of wine.

So, I ask the bartender for a glass of red wine. He asks me what kind I would like. I try to sound like I know what I'm talking about by mentioning Tuscan wines. He picks out a bottle and pours a small amount in a glass and she does the whole sniffing the bouquet thing. She says she likes it, so I get it. The bartender says, "That'll be sixteen dollars". My jaw drops, but I am still trying to impress this girl, so I just accept it.

So, she goes, "how much is it?". I'm still trying to impress her, so I'm like, "don't worry about it", even though in my head I'm going, "holy ****!" She insists, and the cheapskate in me says, "do it...take something at least!" so I tell her it was eight dollars. She gives me the eight dollars for the drink, so I end up paying ten dollars for her glass of wine, including tip.

In other words, I bought her this expensive glass of wine in order to impress her, but she doesn't even know I did it.

How stupid is that, you ask?

Almost as stupid as when she asked me for another glass later and I did the exact same thing.

Infatuation makes you stupid.

Not stupid - kind of charming and cute...but just watch yourself, it's easy to lose your head and your heart - but when it all shakes out, if it doesn't end up going your way (and the odds are not in your favor)- you'll be the one who's still all alone.

But who am I to tell you - I don't even know you - it's just that I've seen it happen to someone close to me- and it's pretty heartbreaking.

Was there any mention of future gatherings (group or couple)?

Yup. We are trying to get a weekly gathering together so that we can practice our italian. That's a group thing though, and will be without booze, which will definitely help me not to do or say anything that might get me in trouble. But I'll still get to see my vision of loveliness.

and easier on your wallet. Who knows, Kicky? She might be interested too. SL0W is the operative word here.