Stillwater's got his day in......

I ran a topic a month or so ago about my battles in the Family Court of Australia with my ex. We had to wait for an expert's report to be produced on the state of the 'family' before we could action some stuff:

-a Legal Aid Conference (mediation) to stop us from having to resort to trial
-whether or not I would have contact with my youngest girl (who happens to NOT be my biological daughter)

So. Only like... 8 weeks late the report has arrived!!

Mr S - you have my empathy, yes, empathy. I wish you well.

Re: Stillwater's got his day in......


HOORAY!

At last!

All the best of luck, Stilly. I've been wondering how it's going. You've been very quiet about it ....

Re: Stillwater's got his day in......



Well, I have been itching to get at it!! :wink: <very possible casue of my condition>

That is good news for a change!

I've been worried all this time. Content of the report...? Does the content matter, or just that it arrived...?

Tell!

OK. Last heard of the person preparing the report had not completed it in time. This meant that some of the court appearances just involved turning up to tell the registrar that, and that we would come back when it was completed.

So - 8 weeks after the first consultation we all have ANOTHER one! This is like 5 weeks and 4 court appearances after the initial completion date! I am not happy, but as explained earlier, with the lawyers in this matter colluding to squeeze me out of the process I have little choice.

We go through the 'interview' again - with the children and by myself. The girls love his office - it has doctor stuff all over the place and a coloured pencils to colour-in with and a huge supply of jelly-beans (they raid it when his back is turned).

Turns out he has been waiting to get info and feedback from my ex's therapist and that she has not been seeing them since early last year! He and I still discuss the really big issues to me, that I am not allowed contact with the youngest and the allegations by my ex that I am an alcoholic. He assures me that both have been fully addressed.

Some good news! I now have to make sure he can talk to my therapist and we're in the clear!!

I'll give you a little aside story here that I think will give you some clues to just how difficult dealing with the 'other' side is.


When I arrived at the clinic were we are to be interviewed my ex is already there with the three children. They are excited to see me and there's a group of us with all three talking at once and wanting to show me stuff and tell me things.

The expert comes out to say that they'll be a break of 15 mins. My ex is straight on the mobile/cell phone to some-one and then announces that her and the girls 'have to go out now'. So they do.

I decide to go for a walk too. So I wander around the clinic and spot a big people mover that know. Inside I can see the sun gleaming off the bald head of my ex-father-in-law. I keep ambling, but it's pretty obvious that the call was to him.

Rather than risk having me spend 15 mins more with the children than I am entitled to or, god forbid, spend some time with little Sarah - they have to be taken away from my presence!

The prick! It's his lousy money funding this farce - I hope I have spent a heap

Just to play with his mind, I walk around the building and go via the other direction, so he can't see me return!

So right - the report is ready and we are going to the conference the next day. Get a call in the afternoon - 'Sorry, but we have to call off the conference AGAIN! It's because the Family Court haven't released the report yet!'.

Good thing I am outside, because I start uttering some rather foul words to describe just about everybody and institution involved in this. A new date means waiting even more time! At least a couple of weeks and if it falls AFTER the next court appearance that will have to be rescheduled AS WELL because we can't get a new date for pre-trial until we have shown to the Court that we have exhausted the possibility of mediation!!! Sh*t!

And again- another couple of weeks where I can't see little Sarah. She's already starting to give me grief over this, of all the things this makes it really difficult for me. It looks to the rest of the world that I am avoiding Sarah and not taking her along because she's not my own child.

In reality, it is my ex who is doing this and for the life of me I can't imagine why - it must be to hit me in a way that I can't respond to, except in the Court and certainly not in a public way.

Damn, Stilly, I feel for you...really. I just hope you get some sort of satisfaction out of this whole mess.

But in case you don't, I know some people who make problems disappear for a small fee. Just say the word, buddy...

It is the sort of thing that creates very bad blood within families and does little to help the healing process. I can't say I will ever forgive my ex for doing many of these things. I know I will have to still share in the role of parent and I will have to do it even harder because of the lack of proximity to the children, but I will never forget what... dishonest behaviour... bought me to this place.

You are a true pal!

I feel for you too.

On a lot of court stuff I am on the woman's side. Not always, though, and many if not most times, flaws or blame should be mixed.

I suffered from - lived through, participated in - a complete debacle re a situation in my ex's family, which affected me greatly - does that sentence sound like I am a victim, well, no, I'm not myself, but stuff did just come at me.
I, your average enlightened woman of a certain age, saw a woman judge and two female attorneys suffuse a courtroom for a woman I know to be at the least pathologically confused, and her wee daughter, against a guy I know to be a good man. (I hear sniggers, but he is ok). That was just before I, who had possibly useful commentary, was led out since I wasn't immediate family. All of us have been dealing with the results of the court and child services zeroing in on him instead of her, all those years ago. Including of course the child.

I don't have any wise advice. I suggest you never rant, no matter how appropriate. You know this, I've seen it from your posts. Be stable and be there, over and over, and someone will get it sometime.

But I think the guy in my family case was too quiet; he was in shellshock. Looking back, he soooo needed the right attorney.

Thanks osso - this is the sort of stuff that nothing can prepare you for and when you are in the thick of it, it is like swimming upstream against a river of treacle/molasses/golden syrup. If you stop, you are going to be swept further back then where you started.

I have a feeling that just by turning up every time and carrying out the orders of the Court I have made life for the opposing team difficult. They're not going to say so of course, but I can see that by failing to do this would hurt my efforts.


Someone much smarter than me once said:

'80% of success is just due to turning up'.

A horrible situation, Stilly, I'm sorry you & your daughters have to go through this.

I know from my own experience of the Family Court that lawyers can stall things as much as they want, to suit their client. I'm wondering how the current hold-ups serve your x's purpose. I have a few hunches. You are going to have to be very strong & appear very sane & rational despite what's happening. Not easy. (I hope you have some tried & true letting off steam strategies, Stilly. If not, now might be a good time to find some.)