Why does my head tell me my mrs is cheating?

Forums: Relationships, Cheating, Anxiety, Mental Health
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So I suffer from anxiety and depression so my head is always playing up and I always think stuff that isn't true but one thing that always plays around in my head is that my girlfriend will cheat on my... I know deep down she wouldn't she wouldn't do it but still I cannot get the thought out of my head. I have asked her straight is she cheating on me? would she cheat on me? and she has told me she wouldn't and I believe here but still its at the back of my mind and its starting to ruin our relationship because she feels the trust isn't there.

What doesn't help is she is friendly with a lot of men, she plays darts you see, she is really good, she is getting considered for county league, anyway most the darts teams she is on is made up of men. This send my head into overdrive especially when she goes out to darts. Am I being silly?

See I don't know if this is an underlying issue as my dad died when I was thirteen. One minute he is saying night to me the next I wake up and he was dead. Maybe that's made me feel like everyone I love will leave me? I prob sound utterly stupid right now but I don't know?

Has anyone got any advise or can anyone tell me what they think about the situation and if I'm being silly or not?

Thanks in Advance.

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Type: Question • Score: 6 • Views: 3,596 • Replies: 24

[+3] - jespah - 11/10/2018Your feelings about your father's death aren't stupid. Have you worked them out in therapy? Because no matter what, they should be addressed. As for your girlfriend (wife? unclear as the title...

thanks however I trust her its just the way my head plays up I'm looking more for practical solutions to help my head rather than spying on her.

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@brkerby,

Your feelings about your father's death aren't stupid. Have you worked them out in therapy? Because no matter what, they should be addressed.

As for your girlfriend (wife? unclear as the title and the body of your post don't seem to match), you either trust her, or you don't. If you do, then you let these little nagging feelings go -- and you address what may very well truly be causing them. Kudos to you for having the self-awareness to maybe see where they are originating.

And if you don't trust her, then why stay?

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@jespah,

Ive been to therapy about my dad however it never seemed to help.

I do trust her 100% and I don't believe she would cheat, if it was as easy to let these feelings go as youre suggesting I would have done that ages ago but the way my head works I cant just let them go. but I do trust her its very strange.

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@brkerby,

Sounds like another go at professional counselling help is needed. Sometimes it takes a few tries to get a good match between a patient and counsellor.

You need help with this.

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@brkerby,

Here's something that might help.

They won't admit it very often, but almost everyone feels the same way you do. I don't mean just about girlfriends, it might be something different every day, hour or even second. Our heads are filled with chaos all the time, that's normal. And it's getting worse all the time. Some people can't deal with it and start shooting up schools and other venues.

I can't tell you the reason for the increased chaos for several reasons but the thing that might help is to know that this chaotic mental pressure is there, that everyone feels it and that it does not mean everything in the chaos is true or that you are going crazy.

You are doing the first step correctly - Asking yourself if the chaos is reality or not.

1 Reply

What good has come out of this obsessive thinking you have?

You have already determined that the thought is not true, yet you give it the power of it being so.

A big lesson of losing a loved one is to accept that we are not the ones calling the shots. There are other "powers that be" which just move us thru this life and we just have to accept that it' s not our call or under our control. Makes us have some healthy humility.

You may have a fear that you are going to lose this woman and this fear is getting larger in your mind. In fact, it has a life of its own. But it does you no good and will, if you allow it, ruin the relationship.

One day at a time, that's all we can or need to cope with.

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@Leadfoot,

Leadfoot wrote:

Some people can't deal with it and start shooting up schools and other venues.

Not over here they don't.

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@izzythepush,

Don't be so literal mate, sometimes they drive lorries into crowds & such.
The more considerate ones just do themselves in, sometimes they go on driving to work in the morning, shopping, etc., but they're actually already dead.

1 Reply

@Leadfoot,

It's an important consideration. Driving vehicles doesn't cause as much carnage as guns. Your ultra high homicide rate is because of guns.

You talk about it as if it's normal. It's not normal over here, and we don't ever want it to be.

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if you can't drop the doubts keep it tight, don't sprinkle your infidelity sparks to the lady. if true will surface sooner or later.

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@brkerby,

I think your head is trying to approach your Mrs and she ignores him. So he is in jealousy.

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@izzythepush,

Quote:

It's an important consideration. Driving vehicles doesn't cause as much carnage as guns. Your ultra high homicide rate is because of guns.

You talk about it as if it's normal. It's not normal over here, and we don't ever want it to be.

No, I definitely don't think it's normal.

But I'm more concerned about the cause of the rage rather than the tool used. There is something terribly wrong with the mental health of a large number of people everywhere, and the UK is not immune. The U.S. just leads the world in this way too. But taking away the tools is not going to help this problem.

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@Leadfoot,

I'm not concerned about the cause of rage because I don't live in a country with an astronomical homicide rate.

It's guns, knives and car crashes don't cause anywhere near as much fatalities.

To be honest I don't know of any use of a vehicle to deliberately kill people over that wasn't a terrorist act. We don't have angry disaffected loners using cars and knives to commit mass murder.

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@brkerby,

you need to visit a doctor to get your depression treated. stop ruining others life by your habit of doubting others.

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@izzythepush,

Quote:

I'm not concerned about the cause of rage...

To be honest I don't know of any use of a vehicle to deliberately kill people over that wasn't a terrorist act. We don't have angry disaffected loners using cars and knives to commit mass murder.

You are terribly misinformed then.
You also fail to understand the source of 'terrorism'. What do you think makes a 'terrorist' other than being an angry isolated disaffected loner? (which every country has plenty of) There are many reasons for this disaffection - poverty, lack of opportunity, lack of family/camaraderie, sexual frustration, religious oppression, SO dumping you, the need to blame one's sorrows on someone/something else, etc. Everyone is subject to these things, but many do not know how to cope with them.

There is no attraction to 'terrorism' per se. There is always a reason why they end up there. The guy who stabs his ex is no less a 'terrorist' than a kid in a suicide vest.

That people are not concerned about the cause of growing rage in the world is part of the problem.

1 Reply

@Leadfoot,

I bet I'm far better informed than you are. There's always going to be sad pissed off men, when you let them have guns you make the problem a lot worse.

Of course looking for a solution to all of society's underlying problems is a good excuse for inertia on life saving gun control.

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@izzythepush,

izzythepush wrote:

We don't have angry disaffected loners using cars and knives to commit mass murder.

Maybe you don't - but it happened in Toronto this year. It's been getting coverage again lately as a trial date was set. It is thought to have been an incel attack. And there have certainly been mass knife attacks by incel loners in California.

Certainly not as many knife and vehicle attacks as mass gun murders but they've certainly happened.

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/canada/article-trial-date-set-for-toronto-van-attack-suspect/

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

I've not really expressed myself as well as I'd have wanted. Of course it's a problem, and it does need addressing, but it's not an alternative to sensible gun control which is what Leadfoot seems to be saying.

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Quote:

This weekend's attack, which began when three men in a van mowed down pedestrians crossing London Bridge and culminated with a stabbing rampage in nearby Borough Market, has resulted in seven fatalities, not including the perpetrators who were all shot and killed by police, and 48 injuries. As this most recent attack reminds us, “rammings” have become mainstream—and the trend is worrisome.

https://www.rand.org/blog/2017/06/london-and-the-mainstreaming-of-vehicular-terrorism.html

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Why does my head tell me my mrs is cheating?

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