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very confused by stylists behavior

 
 
Ce
 
Reply Thu 8 Nov, 2018 07:32 pm
Hello,
I am kind of a social idiot (not on purpose) and since I moved to the US I have really a difficult time to differentiate between someone just being friendly, wanting to be friends/hang out or being interested in more/is flirting. Right now the behavior of my hairstylist is puzzling me. To me, his behavior seems ambivalent and I cannot figure him out. I am also not having a lot of friends here and the one good friend I talked to about that keeps changing his mid which is not helpful.
So, I went to a random salon and asked for an appointment. A stylist walked around the corner and first thing he says is: did you steal that clothes from your boyfriend or is it yours?I answered that I would have to walk around naked if I`d rely on my bfs clothing because I do not have one. We had an interesting conversation about music and he recommended some bars, concert venues, etc. All cool. Actually the first pleasant conversation with a hairdresser in my entire life. I went back 3 weeks later (I have very short hair so I do go there quite often) and we were talking about music, his plans for the weekend, my plans for the weekend (I had off which hardly ever happens), work and I asked him who was doing his ink because it was just great (got the contacts of the artist and went there). The next time I saw him (got my hair colored by one of his colleagues) he saw me and left his client alone to chitchat with me; he told me that he and the inker had talked about me (I still don`t get why anyone would mention that and what kind of reaction is expected). The next time I had an appointment with him he wanted to see my new ink and we talked a while about tattoos and I thanked him for the recommendation and that I owe him something therefore. He asked how my weekend was (the one I did not have to work) and I admitted that I ended up going to work because I was bored after having cooked and baked so that I could have fed an army. He answered that he knows how dangerous free time could be (still do not understand the meaning of that comment) and afterwards he stopped talking and he finished my haircut not saying another word. The next two times I went there he did not talk to me at all (okay, he said hello, as usual? and bye). About a month ago I went back to get my hair colored by his colleague and he ran off his client said good morning and was very talkative again (WTF?). I was sitting close to a walkway reading a book and he kept walking by always slowing down when he directly walked by me. That was kind of weird. After he had passed by like 6 times he stopped and started telling me that he heard I had a friend coming to town (I am not sure what the expected reaction would be but I simply said yes, my friend will get some ink done at the shop we both go to) and that the inker told him that I started another piece, that he had also started another piece and asked if I would need a trim. I said no, I am okay but he kept asking like another 5 times (he does not charge anything for trimming an undercut, so money cannot be the reason for asking) if I needed a trim but I kept saying no and he ran off basically while he was finishing his sentence (very weird situation). When I left the salon he came again to say good bye and opened the door for me.
When I told my friend about that last appointment he told me I was behaving like an a$$ and he is certain that the stylist would have asked me out if I would not have been that mean. I honestly do not know how I was mean. I also do not understand how the stylist can be so ambivalent. And how my friend thinks the stylist wanted to ask me out. It is really confusing for me and I was curious if anyone can give me a hint. I am not particularly interested in that guy but he seems to be nice and I would go on a date with him. But I mainly want to figure out what is going on to be able to behave appropriately and to get it out of my head. I would highly appreciate others opinions and advice!


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Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 331 • Replies: 11
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 8 Nov, 2018 08:43 pm
In the US, a woman can ask a man out for a date.

So that may be what he is waiting for.

Go for it!
Ce
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 Nov, 2018 10:17 am
@PUNKEY,
Yeah, I know but I would never do that. I am super introvert and shy and do not want to "bother" anyone with anything.
But thanks for your opinion!
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 Nov, 2018 10:43 am
@Ce,
He is giving you all the signals to figure out if you will respond. You. MUST show some interest ir he will think you are not interested.

Do you want to miss this opportunity?

Suggest that you have coffee or lunch some day.

ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 Nov, 2018 11:14 am
@Ce,
You're describing someone in a service industry being appropriate with a client they want to cultivate as a client. They have to sort of pretend to be friends.

You are expending waaaay too much energy thinking about this. Especially if you are not going to do your part in moving anything possible forward.

Leave it alone.

Get your hair cut, trimmed. Have a bit of fun while the stylist does some business level casual flirting. Don't assume it means anything.

Stylists and barristas and bartenders and fitness coaches are used to people hitting on them/falsely thinking they are interested.

If you are interested and want to ask him out - do that. Otherwise, forget about the whole thing. He likely has no interest in you other than keeping you as a regular customer (free trims are part of that - everyone offers it - it's nothing special - it is part of customer retention).

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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 Nov, 2018 11:16 am
@Ce,
Ce wrote:
I am not particularly interested in that guy but he seems to be nice and I would go on a date with him.


yeah NO

you're not interested in him - don't date someone you're not interested in

that's just kinda rude

if you wanted to hang out over a coffee, cool - but dating when you already aren't keen on him - super uncool
Ce
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 Nov, 2018 11:43 am
@PUNKEY,
No one wants to miss an opportunity, neither do I. It is just really difficult for me to read people. And I thought I did display interest but maybe it was too subtle for over here.
For example I brought a gift from back home for him because he never answered what he wanted as a thank you for the inkers contacts and left it at the salon together with a note that included my contacts (mail☎ sort of gift related though). He did not get a hold of me and thanked me when I got my hair cut. So if he was waiting for an "opportunity" why didn't he contact me? This was actually during the time he barely talked with me.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 Nov, 2018 11:54 am
@Ce,
It's pretty clear from your posts that you are a customer. He provides good customer service.

He could have contacted you if he'd wanted to.


but ... if you don't ask him though you will never know for sure.

If you are interested - ask him out directly. Make it clear you are asking him out on a date. Be prepared for him to say no thank you in a very nice way - something like not while I'm working at this salon.

If it gets awkward, be prepared to get another stylist.
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 Nov, 2018 11:56 am
@Ce,
Ce wrote:
For example I brought a gift from back home for him because he never answered what he wanted as a thank you for the inkers contacts and left it at the salon together with a note that included my contacts (mail☎ sort of gift related though). He did not get a hold of me and thanked me when I got my hair cut.


1. he didn't want or expect something for the inkers contact - that made things awkward for him

2. you left your contact info - which he didn't use - big clue here

3. he waited til you were back to the salon to thank you - next big clue



your relationship is customer/stylist
0 Replies
 
Ce
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 Nov, 2018 11:57 am
@ehBeth,
That is not really the point here. Just trying to figure out why he is behaving so ambivalent (at least in my perception) but maybe he is behaving normal to the measures that count here.
I cannot help that things I cannot understand are puzzling me. In all aspects of life.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 Nov, 2018 12:12 pm
@Ce,
1. he is behaving like a stylist with a customer

full stop

nothing unusual happening

0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 Nov, 2018 01:36 pm
I was commenting on YOUR feelings and possible opportunity.

He seems friendly enough. You are trying to figure out if he has more interest in you other than as a customer.

Then ask him for coffee or lunch or to a social event or party.

If he doesn’t date customers or is not interested, you will find out.
0 Replies
 
 

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